SecretT1993 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) Hey. So short story. I'm 21, I'm gay, it's a secret, and no one knows. I can't get over this guy who used to be my friend when I was 18 in college. Long story. So I've always been the quiet, reserved time. When I was 18 in college I took up smoking, this one other guy there used to smoke aswell. I was known to be quiet and awkward amongst the other students. This guy used to always chat to me and have my back We got close as friends, and we hung out a lot. Honestly, he taught me so much about life, before I met him I had no life experiences and I had no idea about life and the whole outside world. Anyways, I eventually fell for him, but of course I never told anyone. He's straight, he currently has a girlfriend. The more I fell for him, the more crazier I seemed to get. It got to a point where I used to always come to college having had a bit of a drink. I used to think it was 'cool' and it would impress him (I was naive and had no idea about life). I used to try and act like a big bad man to win his respect. For about 4 months or so he really tried to help me stop drinking and think normally. Of course I never ever told him the real reason why I was acting strange. He eventually turned against me, embarrassed me infront of the college and removed me from Facebook. This was heartbreaking for me. The first person I ever fell for, and it ended like this. I was crushed. After about a year I started to get over it, I went to a new college met some new people. I seen him a year ago, and we had a nice little chat. I tried re-adding him on Facebook after this, he didn't accept. I didn't care though I was over him by then. I haven't been in college for a year and a half now, and don't meet new people very often. But I have sorted my life out. I'm completely sober. I have a car now and a lot of money, and I feel so accomplished and feel like I've overcome so much. But I just really miss him now. It's not even sexual anymore, I miss him as a friend. I'd love to have one last chat with him, see what he's up to - or at least show him the new me and show him I wasn't that alcoholic badman I was pretending to be. Recently, my sleep has been getting slightly disrupted because of me thinking back to how I messed our friendship up last time. I'm remembering everything he taught me about life, and I want to see him again. He's a very popular guy, he has a girlfriend, I doubt he even remembers me that much? Would he want to speak to me? Would he start suspecting I'm gay and laugh? Please help? Am I normal? What should I do? I don't want this to take over my life. Edited October 14, 2014 by SecretT1993
DirtyHairy Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Well first off thats good that you are sober now and have a good job and car etc! You seem like you are very bothered that you messed up your friendship with him when he tried to help you out when you were at a tough part in your life. Now you never had a relationship with him or dated him or even told him about it but you still had feeling for him at one point in time and sometimes when we have those feelings (even if they have gone away) you want to talk to them and just catch up because you want to be friends or just have a chat. It is pretty similar to someone trying to contact a ex a few years later because you miss them. I messaged an ex not that long ago on facebook (who has her own boyfriend now and happy life etc) just because I wanted to catch up and see how she was doing and just tell her that I still think about her from time to time. That my friend.....did NOT go so well. I got blocked and never got a reply lol I would recommend just trying to forget about him because if you message him on facebook or something it probably won't go over so well. Even if you tell him the story about how you've cleaned your act up and that you did appreciate him helping you out he might just ignore you and then you will probably feel kinda crappy about it. It's kind of a tough situation since you probably haven't told anyone about the drinking and why you did it etc (at least I assume you haven't since you said you haven't told anyone your gay) but just try and forget about him or maybe tell your best friend now or a brother or sister. Sometimes we feel like we want to catch up with people and say sorry or just to talk but sometimes its best to just move on with life. Hope I helped a bit
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