viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Hi guys, I know this question has been answered millions of times and that I probably over analyse things and all that jazz but still here I am asking for advice. I met this guy online about three weeks ago. We live about 2 hours away from each other. He's 24 and I'm 25. We are both single and had great chats and he would initiate contact with me every morning with sweet little messages. I thought it was a bit overwhelming at first but played along and it seemed like we really liked each other, and a week later he invited me to his place. He is a very sweet settled guy ( he owns his own house and loves his job, has a dog...so he's not kind of unstable...) . He is very respectful and during our conversation we talked about sex and I said I probably wouldn't have sex on a first date etc... and he was absolutely fine with that. So I went to his place two saturdays ago and he was really tired (he works 6 days a week, plus is a firefighter so he's always on call) so I wasn't expecting him to take me around the city and was happy just to meet him at his house and chill out for the night. We got on really well it seemed and joked around. I slept in his bed and we didn't have sex as I was indisposed (ggrrrrrr) but I performed oral sex on him on my own accord. We fell asleep cuddling and the next morning had a very intense morning "hello kiss". Then he got out of bed to jump in the shower as he had to go to work, I got ready and he went to do his stuff around the house. He did not ask if I had slept well or if I wanted some breaky , just as I was leaving he asked if I was sure I didnt want a drink .... kissed me goodbye and I left. 30 Min later I texted him to say thank you for having and catch you soon, he replied saying it was nice meeting you. Since he hasn't initiated a single text. I have sent him a couple of texts to which he always nicely replies. He has been away on holidays with his friends last week so did not text him not to bother him but still havent heard anything from him.... Before he left we exchanged brief texts and I asked if he thought he'd want to see me again and he said yes and sorry he was a bit distant his head wasn't really with it and he was tired.... We exchanged so many genuine pictures of us before we met he wouldnt have had a bad surprise when seeing me for real ( well I don't think :-) ) What do you guys think ? Shall I wait for a text, is he just over it ? thanks heaps !!
travelbug1996 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) Maybe the oral turned him off. did he seem to enjoy it? I think it was too soon for that as well. just my .02 Edited October 14, 2014 by travelbug1996 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Hi guys, I know this question has been answered millions of times and that I probably over analyse things and all that jazz but still here I am asking for advice. I met this guy online about three weeks ago. We live about 2 hours away from each other. He's 24 and I'm 25. We are both single and had great chats and he would initiate contact with me every morning with sweet little messages. I thought it was a bit overwhelming at first but played along and it seemed like we really liked each other, and a week later he invited me to his place. He is a very sweet settled guy ( he owns his own house and loves his job, has a dog...so he's not kind of unstable...) . He is very respectful and during our conversation we talked about sex and I said I probably wouldn't have sex on a first date etc... and he was absolutely fine with that. So I went to his place two saturdays ago and he was really tired (he works 6 days a week, plus is a firefighter so he's always on call) so I wasn't expecting him to take me around the city and was happy just to meet him at his house and chill out for the night. We got on really well it seemed and joked around. I slept in his bed and we didn't have sex as I was indisposed (ggrrrrrr) but I performed oral sex on him on my own accord. We fell asleep cuddling and the next morning had a very intense morning "hello kiss". Then he got out of bed to jump in the shower as he had to go to work, I got ready and he went to do his stuff around the house. He did not ask if I had slept well or if I wanted some breaky , just as I was leaving he asked if I was sure I didnt want a drink .... kissed me goodbye and I left. 30 Min later I texted him to say thank you for having and catch you soon, he replied saying it was nice meeting you. Since he hasn't initiated a single text. I have sent him a couple of texts to which he always nicely replies. He has been away on holidays with his friends last week so did not text him not to bother him but still havent heard anything from him.... Before he left we exchanged brief texts and I asked if he thought he'd want to see me again and he said yes and sorry he was a bit distant his head wasn't really with it and he was tired.... We exchanged so many genuine pictures of us before we met he wouldnt have had a bad surprise when seeing me for real ( well I don't think :-) ) What do you guys think ? Shall I wait for a text, is he just over it ? thanks heaps !! Hmmm....well if he wants to see you, he will make time for it, plain and simple. If you really like him, give it another week and let HIM initiate first. Maybe his opinion changed after oral? Maybe he thinks you moved to fast and he isn't sure anymore. Hopefully he isn't judgmental about a girl who puts out so soon, If you don't hear from him in the next week or so, or better yet, if HE does' initiate another meet up I'd say let it go and explore your options. Seemed like you may have moved in a FWB direction vs him actually getting to know you, how you vibe and if there's something long term there. 9 out of 10 times moving too fast doesn't end on the best foot but as long as you're not down on yourself about it, you should be fine.
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Im pretty sure he did as he asked for more in the morning... I realise I made a mistake and he might think I'm easy now... Im really not like that and when I really like someone it's hard for me to control myself :-) Is it too late to change the dynamic ? shall I text him and talk about it or just let it go and see what happens ?
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 He said it was nice meeting you lol? Darlin I think you have misinterpreted what just happened.....it was just a fling. You gave a guy oral when you just met him. Chatting on line is not dating or grounds for exclusivity. If he gets in touch with you and you see him again, he is just going to think it's another hook up.
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 I realise it's very soon for me to be asking all these questions but I don't know him enough to say he wouldn't be judgemental about this... Would it seem to full on or needy for me to try and talk about it with him ? I know if I text he will reply, I wouldn't be that bothered if he decided he didn't like me because of that, I would just be angry with myself for letting him think that is the kind of person I am.....
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 He said it was nice meeting you lol? Darlin I think you have misinterpreted what just happened.....it was just a fling. You gave a guy oral when you just met him. Chatting on line is not dating or grounds for exclusivity. If he gets in touch with you and you see him again, he is just going to think it's another hook up. he said in one of the last texts he would like to see me again... is it too late for me to redeem myself ? I know I shouldn't have done what I did, and I regretted it the minute I left his place as I knew he'd see me differently. unfortunately sometimes we act in a spur of the moment and its not necessarily representative of what we are !!
travelbug1996 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Please don't text him. You have given him enough energy. Just don't do that again because this guy thinks you do that to every guy you meet online. I would look at a woman differently if she did that to me upon our first meeting. Also don't go to these guys homes on the first meeting. He could have been a rapist or murderer. Please be careful with these online relationships. I know its easy to fall for words and think you have a connection with someone over the phone, but you have to be careful. 2
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Well, if you talk to him again, just ask. Or tell him what you want or what you don't want rather and if he is looking for the same thing.
travelbug1996 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Well, if you talk to him again, just ask. Or tell him what you want or what you don't want rather and if he is looking for the same thing. More than likely, he's not looking for anything. I would say chalk it up as experience. Let him come to you.
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Im pretty sure he did as he asked for more in the morning... I realise I made a mistake and he might think I'm easy now... Im really not like that and when I really like someone it's hard for me to control myself :-) Is it too late to change the dynamic ? shall I text him and talk about it or just let it go and see what happens ? TBH I think he played you. There are a lot of guys that butter up girls on line to lure them into their bed. It wouldn't surprise me that he isn't away on vacation, he just used that as an excuse to get rid of you. 1
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 well thats the thing, I don't do that with every man I meet online, and he is the first of the guys I met online that I did that to, I just felt like there was a very intense chemistry and couldnt help myself !! That's really stupid. I know he is open to relationships as we have talked about this , I wouldnt want him to keep this bad impression of me. Would it be too much to text him and see if we could meet up for a drink and I could talk about it and explain try to mend the broken pot :-)
writergal Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 So your first date was at his house and you spent the night? Waaaay too soon for that, despite the fact that you live 2 hours apart. Too much intimacy too soon. I agree with nomadic. Let him initiate contact with you next time, and if you still feel awkward about what happened on your first date (if you do feel awkward that is), at least talk to him about it, to get that elephant out of the room so to speak. When people don't share their expectations early on with each other, confusion reigns and feelings get hurt in the end. I'm actually driving 2 hours this weekend to go on a first date with a guy I met online. I have a friend who lives in his city, so I'll stay with that friend. If I hadn't, I would have probably just stayed overnight in a hotel room (alone) in case he turned out to be like Norman Bates.
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 no he was on vacation he sent me a picture when he got there of him and his mates in bathurst. he replies very nicely and quickly to my texts, he just doesnt initiate them anymore...
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 it does make sense, im just very new at all this online dating and all, and very clumsy in what I do and say, I understand how serious meeting strangers is now that ive talked to you guys. I think Im just a bit too adventurous at times :-)
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 well thats the thing, I don't do that with every man I meet online, and he is the first of the guys I met online that I did that to, I just felt like there was a very intense chemistry and couldnt help myself !! That's really stupid. I know he is open to relationships as we have talked about this , I wouldnt want him to keep this bad impression of me. Would it be too much to text him and see if we could meet up for a drink and I could talk about it and explain try to mend the broken pot :-) If he was looking for a relationship he would have taken you out on a proper date and not invited you to his place. We all had this conversation on this site before when someone asked does it mean sex when a guy invites you to his place for dinner, movie, drinks, etc. And the the answer is yes, most of us called it and sure a s hit that is what the guy was hoping for. Sorry but as a rule of thumb, never go by what they say to you, but go by their actions. I still think he fed you a pile of BS to get you to sleep with him. He said all the right things in those texts that it convinced you that there was good chemistry. As soon as you were willing to drive 2 hours to see him, he knew he had it in the bag. You got dooped, bamboozled.....hook line and sinker.
travelbug1996 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Don't beat yourself up over this. It was a learning experience. Set a standard for yourself that a guy will date you PROPERLY (not at his house) and be in an established relationship before all the physical stuff. You have to practice more self control and respect. Men like it when we make them wait. I've had to learn the hard way as well. 4
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 no he was on vacation he sent me a picture when he got there of him and his mates in bathurst. he replies very nicely and quickly to my texts, he just doesnt initiate them anymore... Who's to say these photos weren't taken last month or last year. 1
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 true true !!! I shall wait and see what happens :-), thanks heaps for al the advices and opening my naive eyes.... Self control, Self control haha 1
travelbug1996 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I've had to learn the hard way as well. I hold my vagina tight to me nowadays as if it were a bag of money. lol lbvvs 2
travelbug1996 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 true true !!! I shall wait and see what happens :-), thanks heaps for al the advices and opening my naive eyes.... Self control, Self control haha Atta girl You gotta stand in your Vagina Power!! I'm tipsy tonight. lol
Author viviuk Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 hahahahaha that's a fair comment !! I guess it's probably because I live in the country as well with no one around, when I saw this beautiful guy i couldn't help it lol ! 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 well thats the thing, I don't do that with every man I meet online, and he is the first of the guys I met online that I did that to, I just felt like there was a very intense chemistry and couldnt help myself !! That's really stupid. I know he is open to relationships as we have talked about this , I wouldnt want him to keep this bad impression of me. Would it be too much to text him and see if we could meet up for a drink and I could talk about it and explain try to mend the broken pot :-) Self control is of the essence. There are rare occasions where this sort of thing works out but more often than not, even if he was into you, he will begin to question if you're like this with a bunch of other men. You know the truth and that's what's really important. I think you should work on self control. Let a guy prove he has genuine interest in YOU before becoming intimate if you're not just looking for a fling. Otherwise, you'll end up in the same predicament. You SHOULD help yourself. You know nothing about his sexual history/habits, hygiene, etc. To me, all important things before physical intimacy. I am personally a germaphobe too and with all the stuff you can catch, not worth it. I had a friend recently who got an STD in his throat after messing round with an ex. It's not worth it. A lot of guys online (and off) are mainly looking to hook up anyway. Same with the girls.
Diezel Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Maybe the oral turned him off. Said no man, EVER.
Recommended Posts