should I do no contact at this point?

[mannon]

I've read all the stuff on no contact and why but should I do NC at this point. I was with her for 5 years I've said my story before but now she is with someone she's seeing on the weekends because of their distance. It's been 2 months she left me because she met him it seems she was waiting to find someone who she thought would be better for her and someone who she thinks would treat her better. Which maybe he is now and compared to how I did the last 6 months of our relationship at times. Since the breakup I saw her 4 times 1st time we had physical affection such as kissing the other times she told me she needed space and was seeing him. She's talked to me sending me mixed signals at times telling me i sound cute and she loves me 3 weeks ago when her and he were in a fight then 3 days ago I talked to her for the longest I have and we talked about the good memories and bad ones her saying I didn't treat her well then later in the conversation how we loved each other and the good memories. I basically told her how much I really loved her and I wish She would give me a chance to show her I've changed ( alcohol) issues which I have stopped and look and feel much more better I did it for her at first to prove to be I'd change but now realize I'm doing it for me. Regardless I miss her and regret the past. But at this point what do I do? She normally has straight up ignored me texting and the only reason she called me 2 days ago I think is because she wasn't with the new guy this weekend because she wouldn't have called me. But I love her and I think alot of our issues was more me. To get her back do I do no contact at this point I mean I feel if I do then she will go further away and continue to see this guy and forget me and go back to ignoring me as she has? In the last 2 days I texted her she responded to friend conversation but when I texted her last saying remember the love we had she didn't say anything. I'm just wondering all in all I've texted alot and she's ignored the last 2 months for 2 weeks except 3 days ago I left her alone only texted one time them this weekend I texted again and she actually called me 3 times throughout the day first time I said I love you and miss you and again said it and she hung up because she got emotional because she was saying I'm listening as i asked her if she was listening to me when I was saying it all. Then 2nd call she said I'm happy with this guy. Then later in the night she called for an hour sayin good memories with me and listening to me begging her back in a sense she did say I don't know what the future will bring but now she's said I'm seeing someone. But for the last 2 days she was short with the texting and didn't say much but she responded versus ignoring me as she has. Do I do no contact at this point and if so for how long? Also like I said I'm worried if I do she'll ignore me all together if I come back 4 weeks from now and say hi. She already made plans to go somewhere with this guy for new years to a concert she just met. I know from social media yes I've lurked lol. But like I said for once she's talked to me more then she has the last 2 months. Or should I give up all together or stay as friends in a sense and see if she'll see me in person and somehow get her back first being friends. I just don't know at this point in the breakup if I should start no contact. I'm trying to get her back. Thank you for your help.

Edited October 14, 2014 by mannon

[travelbug1996]

you said that you regret the past. What did you mean by that? It sounds like you didn't treat her right when you had her.

[mightycpa]

Yeah, you're engrossed in the little meaningless details, trying to read the tea leaves. You need some perspective.

[xUnknown]

Go No Contact. You need to heal

[mannon]

as far as how i was to her i was mainly good and more good/great times then bad but when we fought i said bad things to her which right after i said i didnt mean them and i was sorry like any fights as she would say things to me as well. And it didnt happend alot. as far as my drinking there were times it was bad but times i didnt and now ive completely stopped ive gone to the gym ive lost weight and look healthy. i regret the drinking etc.. and i regret mean things ive said that i could count on my fingers and only said them doing terrible arguments we had. i think maybe thats what she thinks of to get her from thinking of me. but if she truly disliked me or wanted me out of her life why would she even call me?even if i asked her to call why wouldnt she just text me? And yes i am going to do the no contact this last saturday was my last time and really the only time ive really tried to tell her i love her and want her in my life and i was truly sorry. The end of the call made me feel basically that she does still love me but maybe doesnt think ill change and be the person who wasnt in to her. I will say that the last 6 months to year of our relationship it was kind of bad not arguing but just sex and getting on eachothers nerves just living with eachother in a small place nyc. but when she left i realized how much i really love her and the changes i needed to make get healthy work out every day get my energy back. So yes i felt i needed to change i needed space to do it and since this happend something drastic it did make me change. That is why i have the regret. But if i do no contact what if she continues to move on with this guy i mean if i still contact her tell her im doing well here and there 1 time a week maybe she would see me and see the difference and i could get her back somehow?

Edited October 14, 2014 by mannon

[d0nnivain]

To get her back do I do no contact at this point .

 

 

Paragraphs are your friends. If you want help don't post a wall of text. If I could have read what you wrote that would have been more helpful.

 

Anyway, the above statement jumped out & me. It shows that you have no idea what NC is about. It's not a trick to get somebody back. It's a healing tool. Reconciliation requires communication. If you want somebody back you have to talk to them. If they don't want to talk to you or there are other people in the picture, there is no way you are getting back together.

 

If you want to keep your dignity & get over the person, cut them out of your life for your own peace of mind.

[mannon]

ok sorry well like i said she is talking to me thats the thing i talked to her 4 days ago for an hour on the phone. But it didnt seem she knew what to think of what i was saying and she talked about good times and bad. it was the first conversation we had like that. At points she knew i loved her i was sorry and she was hearing me out but at points she was saying the bad things. It felt back and forth with her.

 

yes there is a guy involved and that is what worries me about no contact. If i just fade away a month goes down the road what if is what im getting at i understand that NC helps you heal and what will be will be if she loves me shell come back if not ill feel better i know that. But 6 weeks ago she say me kissed me. 3 weeks ago she called me saying she missed me loved me i sound sexy on the phone. And 4 days ago we talked. Its not as though shes ignoring me even though she has at times though out the 2 months for days at a time.

[tikay00]

Paragraphs are your friends. If you want help don't post a wall of text. If I could have read what you wrote that would have been more helpful.

 

Anyway, the above statement jumped out & me. It shows that you have no idea what NC is about. It's not a trick to get somebody back. It's a healing tool. Reconciliation requires communication. If you want somebody back you have to talk to them. If they don't want to talk to you or there are other people in the picture, there is no way you are getting back together.

 

If you want to keep your dignity & get over the person, cut them out of your life for your own peace of mind.

 

I swear, I'm not stalking you, and I'm not picking at you. I know you remember me from the other thread.

 

True reconciliation isn't right after a breakup, or a few weeks after a breakup. Neither person has changed, and neither person is in the right frame of mind to TRULY start a new relationship with that SAME person. The insecurities, jealousy, bitterness, heart break, fear, and anything else that resides with a breakup will still be there.

 

Yes, NC isn't a way to get your ex back, but it's the only way to heal enough for you and your ex to start a fresh relationship, and for it to be real. It's like meeting someone new. When you first meet someone new, you don't care about their past relationships, and their past whatever. When you're getting back with an ex you do! You need that time to completely detach, and if you think it's right, THEN you guys can talk about a new relationship. And only if the dumper initiates.

 

No matter what you think in your heart or whatever your brain is telling you. NO, they are not too stubborn, and you won't have missed out on a chance if you go NC. If it was meant to be, the dumper will always come back.

[d0nnivain]

Tikay00

 

You & I are just going to have to agree to disagree about this.

 

I do think our opposing viewpoints are giving the OPs the benefit of a variety of options. Together we will enable them to make the informed choice that is right for them.

[tikay00]

Tikay00

 

You & I are just going to have to agree to disagree about this.

 

I do think our opposing viewpoints are giving the OPs the benefit of a variety of options. Together we will enable them to make the informed choice that is right for them.

 

I just feel like NC is the way to go in nearly all situations. I believe in, if it was meant to be, it was meant to be. I feel like posts that say you need to talk, and you need to work things out only lead to an even bigger heart ache, and leads to too much hope, and expectation.

 

I believe you have to detach from the actual break up first, then, and only then can you TRULY begin to start a NEW relationship with your ex. If your hearts not fully healed, how can you EVER trust your ex again, and how can they ever trust you again? It'll be a mental game the whole time, and too much stress, because of the uncertainty in both of your heart and minds.

[d0nnivain]

That is a valid opinion. It's just not mine.

[tikay00]

That is a valid opinion. It's just not mine.

 

Can you share your story? Are you a male or a female? Did you get your ex back> Were you the dumper or a the dumpee? Genuinely curious. I actually went the "talk to her, and be open" route, and got my foot in the door, but my own paranoia told myself to NC, OR my correct intuition nipped it at the butt, and prevented weeks and months of string along, and a major heart break in the end.

 

Tell me your getting your ex back story, if you have one.

[d0nnivain]

I don't want to hi jack this thread. I'm female, happily married.

 

I believe in working on a relationship until it's not worth working on any more.

 

Years ago I got dumped the night I thought he was going to propose. I begged & pleaded. We got back together for a short while but then separated slowly because I couldn't handle the abrupt never talking to him again. Working in the same industry we would see each other every few years & managed polite conversation. Last year we did a business deal together.

 

The next guy & I lived together for 10 years & were together for 12. I moved out to be closer to work & some family obligations the last year. Eventually we gradually broke up because we had different views on marriage.

 

The 3rd guy lied to me about something too huge to come back from. Even him I gave two weeks to move out & was kind to him while he was still here.

 

I don't do big drama. If somebody needs to talk I'll listen. If I need to talk to reach the end, I expect the other person will listen to me. If I see an EX I will be polite & make small talk. I don't go out of my way to keep in touch with EXs but I have a general sense of where I can find them.

[tikay00]

I don't want to hi jack this thread. I'm female, happily married.

 

I believe in working on a relationship until it's not worth working on any more.

 

Years ago I got dumped the night I thought he was going to propose. I begged & pleaded. We got back together for a short while but then separated slowly because I couldn't handle the abrupt never talking to him again. Working in the same industry we would see each other every few years & managed polite conversation. Last year we did a business deal together.

 

The next guy & I lived together for 10 years & were together for 12. I moved out to be closer to work & some family obligations the last year. Eventually we gradually broke up because we had different views on marriage.

 

The 3rd guy lied to me about something too huge to come back from. Even him I gave two weeks to move out & was kind to him while he was still here.

 

I don't do big drama. If somebody needs to talk I'll listen. If I need to talk to reach the end, I expect the other person will listen to me. If I see an EX I will be polite & make small talk. I don't go out of my way to keep in touch with EXs but I have a general sense of where I can find them.

 

OK, gotcha.

[Simon Phoenix]

No Contact is not specifically for reconciliation at all, but every successful reconciliation I've ever seen has seen a sizable amount of No Contact in between the breakup and the makeup.

[mannon]

Hey everyone. I just wanted to do an update on my issue. So anyway last week i wrote this post on Tuesday. Then on Wednesday i had reached out to her she in a sense spoke with me a little earlier in the day then at 1130 she called me she talked to me as though we were all friends and talking about the past and good times we had. I then thought something was up she then tells me that her and the new guy broke up that she just wasnt into him and he lives to far away anyway.

 

I then noticed she removed any pics she had of him on her facebook. This has gone back and forth shes already done this 2 times with him. Like i said 2 months weve been broke up she met him left me seen me month after made out with me then ignored me then talked to me just back and forth literaly the last 2 months. Then I said to her will you see me tomorrow (Thursday) she said fine. So i met her Thursday however in the morning she tried to say no she cant but i just said it would be a 15 min walk. So i met her and we walked together and went out to dinner and she was the one who said lets do something for an hour while she waited for her train so i did and we went out for a drink.

 

I told her that i was sorry for everything i told her it wasnt her fault that she left and ive changed i dont drink or do anything anymore which i havent but i said i did too much behind her back. She held my hand as im talking to her at the table. We didnt hug i didnt want to show affection i wanted to show her i could be a friend no matter what to start off with. However at the end of dinner i walked her to the train she went to hug me i was upset because at the end she said that she kind of made up with the guy after their fight last night and she had to call him. Even during our conversation she was asking me about any woman ive dated and asks to see there picture which i did and she said she wasnt pretty and i said im trying to be your friend and i wasnt in to her anymore and she said in a sarcastic way "oh your not into me huhh".

 

I said goodbye to her i just put my hand on her head and and streaked her hair kind of thing i said goodbye and walked away. The next day i texted her she actually got back to me she said that she didnt hate me because i said why are you ignoring me again it took her a while to reply i just said i want to talk to you about last night. Then Friday night comes i talk to her on the phone she basically tells me that exs dont talk this much and she made the call short. Saturday comes she ignores me and posts pics of her and the guy on her facebook again. She then now has ignored me when i only text a few things. And all i texted was i just want to talk about the other night and what is really going on.

 

So for 2 months its been back and forth. What should i really do at this point? Seems she calls me when her and the guy got in the 2 fights. When they are together its as i dont exist only a little sometimes in which she responds to me and calls on her own account when shes in a fight with him. But now she posted all these pics of them from the weekend and basically told me in one text good luck with your everything. What is this game about to her? What can i really do she is really messing with me and there had been a point for 2 weeks during these 2 months i didnt text at all maybe a few times. I love her and yeah i want her back but at this point it doesnt matter i just dont want a girl i was with for 5 years to hate me to completely disreagard me as though im nothing to her anymore? why couldnt we just talk as friends once and a while? Ive been on a couple dates and its hard. Please let me know what i should truly do here and why you thing shes done what she has. If i texted her now i think shes blocked me as she doesnt respond to any of my texts i try a few times i havent gone over board maybe yesterday but i sent 4 sentences.