ZimboGon Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 So I left my girlfriend of five years. The girlfriend who left me three years ago and sent me into a spiral of depression and I found this site. We made up, had a fantastic 2 more years until she went to live 2500 miles away for school. I was unhappy. Confused. I felt single, but not single. I couldn't imagine living without her in my life. She was depressed, barely had any friends. Stressed about her work. Always talking about dropping out and moving back home. Most of our conversations were her rants about being unhappy with her life. I met another girl. She's... refreshing. New. Exciting. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Wanting to date someone after five years and everything being enhanced with long distance. I kept fighting with myself until I couldn't take it anymore. I told my girlfriend suddenly, a day after my birthday, I was unhappy. I felt like we should embrace the distance and figure things out. She told me to stop lying and asked me what her name was. Shocked, I admitted to having feelings for someone else but being very confused. She exploded and the conversation ended poorly, and we split up. The next day she was telling me about how unfair and how alone she was. It's been almost two weeks. I think about both girls every day. I worry about my old girlfriend, and I do miss her. But I get butterflies and I am excited when I think of asking out this new girl. I feel guilty. I feel like I need to message my girlfriend. But I don't. I want to ask out this other girl this weekend. I'm not afraid of rejection and I want to face it. But, I don't know what I want or who I want. I don't know what to do. I know that if I pursue this new girl, I will have completely shut the door on my girlfriend. But I don't know if I can handle that.
Georgia2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 So I left my girlfriend of five years. The girlfriend who left me three years ago and sent me into a spiral of depression and I found this site. We made up, had a fantastic 2 more years until she went to live 2500 miles away for school. I was unhappy. Confused. I felt single, but not single. I couldn't imagine living without her in my life. She was depressed, barely had any friends. Stressed about her work. Always talking about dropping out and moving back home. Most of our conversations were her rants about being unhappy with her life. I met another girl. She's... refreshing. New. Exciting. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Wanting to date someone after five years and everything being enhanced with long distance. I kept fighting with myself until I couldn't take it anymore. I told my girlfriend suddenly, a day after my birthday, I was unhappy. I felt like we should embrace the distance and figure things out. She told me to stop lying and asked me what her name was. Shocked, I admitted to having feelings for someone else but being very confused. She exploded and the conversation ended poorly, and we split up. The next day she was telling me about how unfair and how alone she was. It's been almost two weeks. I think about both girls every day. I worry about my old girlfriend, and I do miss her. But I get butterflies and I am excited when I think of asking out this new girl. I feel guilty. I feel like I need to message my girlfriend. But I don't. I want to ask out this other girl this weekend. I'm not afraid of rejection and I want to face it. But, I don't know what I want or who I want. I don't know what to do. I know that if I pursue this new girl, I will have completely shut the door on my girlfriend. But I don't know if I can handle that. You just said you and your girlfriend broke up. Then you called her your girlfriend twice. The new girl is your rebound girl it sounds like. Please be fair and mature by telling the new girl the truth. You owe the new girl that much to tell her the truth. Read the last two paragraphs you wrote where you called your ex your GIRLFRIEND. 1
Author ZimboGon Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 You just said you and your girlfriend broke up. Then you called her your girlfriend twice. The new girl is your rebound girl it sounds like. Please be fair and mature by telling the new girl the truth. You owe the new girl that much to tell her the truth. Read the last two paragraphs you wrote where you called your ex your GIRLFRIEND. We've 'separated'. I don't really know what else to call her.
Georgia2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 We've 'separated'. I don't really know what else to call her. You don't need to be dating then. What do you mean 'separated'? Either you have separated or you have not. There is no 'separated'. It's not fair to use the new girl. Put yourself in the new girl's place. How would YOU feel. 2
Author ZimboGon Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 You don't need to be dating then. What do you mean 'separated'? Either you have separated or you have not. There is no 'separated'. It's not fair to use the new girl. Put yourself in the new girl's place. How would YOU feel. Well, I've felt single for the past year now. The reason i wanted to break up was to have the freedom to be able to see other people but the guilt of just abandoning my ex is getting to me.
disclosure Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Sounds like you're checked out of the relationship, but scared of rejection from this new girl so you're holding onto your girlfriend until you get the go ahead. It's either one or the other, man. You can't "seperate", try out the new girl then decide whether or not you want to get back together with your girlfriend. That's not fair. Forget about the new girl, and think about the relationship you are currently IN. Are you happy? If not, then break up.
Georgia2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Well, I've felt single for the past year now. The reason i wanted to break up was to have the freedom to be able to see other people but the guilt of just abandoning my ex is getting to me. Then tell your ex goodbye. I've been divorced two years. I was married six. I finally just stopped talking to my ex earlier this year and I am glad I did. I was the one who told him I wanted to divorce. You will have a harder time moving on if you talk to your ex. Go no contact. Block her number then delete it. I don't have my ex husband's number in my phone. It is better this way.
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Guilt is what your ex wants you to feel to punish you instead of realizing your decision is logical and a realistic one. Your ex will learn to adjust by making use of her free time to make friends and meet someone new. Basically your LDR was feeding her loneliness, and her codependency. Being broken up will be good for the both of you. 2
travelbug1996 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 The new girl might have a boyfriend or may not be interested in you. And you've already told your girlfriend about her. This is messy.
Author ZimboGon Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 The new girl might have a boyfriend or may not be interested in you. And you've already told your girlfriend about her. This is messy. She's single and I have talked to her quite a bit so honestly all I need there is to ask her out.
Assasda Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Both of you will benefit from this. She'll get to be more self reliant. You OP will have something to do, since BF/GF relationships is the main focus of your life
quidproquo89 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 You don't need to be dating then. What do you mean 'separated'? Either you have separated or you have not. There is no 'separated'. It's not fair to use the new girl. Put yourself in the new girl's place. How would YOU feel. I've been the rebound guy myself dude, it sucks! You are using somebody for your own gain and because you are weak. Its not her fault don't drag her down with you. Harsh words but true
Diezel Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Well, I've felt single for the past year now. The reason i wanted to break up was to have the freedom to be able to see other people but the guilt of just abandoning my ex is getting to me. Oh stop being so god damn noble. "Abandoning your ex"... RUBBISH. Like you said, you felt single, which means she probably did too. Sometimes you NEED to be selfish. So be selfish. No one wants to spend all their time with someone who constantly complains all day. Whether this new girl pans out or not, it's a sign that you shouldn't be with your ex-girlfriend. Yes, EX.
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 The distance eroded your relationship with the 1st girl. You finally had the guts to stop beating a dead horse & end a relationship which had been unhealthy for a long time. I won't fault you because the possibility of dating someone else was the catalyst that moved you to action. I also don't think that you need time alone because you have had plenty of time alone since your original GF left. Yes, it sucks that you caused the 1st girl pain by ending your relationship but you can't stay with her out of pity.
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