Darren2013 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Well here's an update. In the last few days I have gotten better control of my feelings when around my crush. Just this morning I said to myself that I don't care whether this crush ever develops into a real serious relationship or not. I am not in a hurry to be dating and if this just stays as a crush where all we do is play the sneak look games then fine. It makes my workday go by faster. Well today I ended up working with my crush or rather I should say she came to work where I was. We both had a break at the same time and she asks me if I would like to ride with her to get coffee up the street. Honestly she caught me off guard so I couldn't say yes. I just came up with a random excuse about how I have to go call somebody but thanks anyway. The real reason I turned down the invitation is because I don't want to get my hopes up of it being a sign of interest. Coworkers hang out and talk during lunch breaks all the time so it doesn't really mean anything. Until I can be sure what her motives are I'm not going to accept any invitations to hang out on breaks. I am still going to my car and eating my lunch alone as I have been. So that's the update. In 2 more months I will be baking a cake for the Christmas party at work and pray that she eats more of it than the rest of the work crew.
rester Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 What are you going to do if she eats more cake than the rest of the crew? Why would she do that? Are you making her favorite cake? I would have gone to get coffee with her. It sounds like you're going to great lengths to avoid her, although you want to get to know her better, right? You had an opening right there. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Yes I am baking her favorite cake but it won't be that obvious that I baked it because of her since other workers will be welcome to partake and the type of cake that she likes is fairly popular anyway.
Author Darren2013 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) Some say just ask her out already but they don't understand that I am not in that big of a hurry to go out on a date anyway. I am a patient guy and I do not have a problem waiting 6 months to a year. If for some reason I die before then I accept it wasn't meant to be. My hope is that she will eat the cake and ask me to bake another one just for her for New Years celebration. The cake idea at Christmas is much better than sending a gift because Christmas would be an appropriate occasion to bake a cake for her as a gift without her thinking I am doing it because of her since other workers will be welcome to partake of it. My shaving and improving my appearance and work clothes and improving work performance was also a good indirect approach. Edited October 14, 2014 by Darren2013
MrMeh Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Wow. You turn her down when she invites you and you expect her to make obvious moves in the future. If you had the guts to ask to her to get coffee and she denied you, I am pretty sure you would see it as a sign of disinterest. Also, stop looking to make a move two months down the line. This isn't a game that requires strategic planning. Act now. 4
StanMusial Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Are you Napolean Dynamite? Didn't he bake her a cake? 1
Author Darren2013 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Well like I said earlier this caught me off guard so saying no was all I could think of at the time. If a woman is going to give me signals I can't be caught off guard.
Author Darren2013 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 I said awhile back that I will be leaving the company in about a year. Well now due to new personal developments that has been moved up. I am leaving in 6 months. I am going to give a 2 months notice before quitting. In the meantime I really have 2 opportunities now to send out signals to my crush. Halloween and Christmas. Halloween I get to draw attention from her by dressing up and putting 10 clothes pins all over my face and neck. Then baking a cake for Christmas. I checked and confirmed that with our company dressing up for Halloween is permitted.
Scrab22 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 You're not a very spontaneous person I assume? I am also not that spontaneous, so if that's the case then I understand you. I have an idea - go talk to her, and ask her if she remembers her invitation to coffee. Then, explain that you felt caught off guard, and would like to make up for it and have a nice drink with her. Do so calmly. You don't have to force yourself into an excited mood. 2
Author Darren2013 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 I think I have sent enough signals of interest such as the efforts I go to everyday to improve my physical appearance and making sure I shave religiously. She should be able to tell that I am nervous around her. That's another sign that I am interested. At this point I worry more about being too obvious with signals of interest since I was too obvious in the past with the buying of ice cream last Christmas.
Scrab22 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 I understand. Today it feels risky to be straightforward, so using signals is a safe way of making a point. However, signals=chance=risk. Someone will eventually have to break the ice in order to advance forward, so there has to be a straightforward move. Go for it!
MissBee Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Well here's an update. In the last few days I have gotten better control of my feelings when around my crush. Just this morning I said to myself that I don't care whether this crush ever develops into a real serious relationship or not. I am not in a hurry to be dating and if this just stays as a crush where all we do is play the sneak look games then fine. It makes my workday go by faster. Well today I ended up working with my crush or rather I should say she came to work where I was. We both had a break at the same time and she asks me if I would like to ride with her to get coffee up the street. Honestly she caught me off guard so I couldn't say yes. I just came up with a random excuse about how I have to go call somebody but thanks anyway. The real reason I turned down the invitation is because I don't want to get my hopes up of it being a sign of interest. Coworkers hang out and talk during lunch breaks all the time so it doesn't really mean anything. Until I can be sure what her motives are I'm not going to accept any invitations to hang out on breaks. I am still going to my car and eating my lunch alone as I have been. So that's the update. In 2 more months I will be baking a cake for the Christmas party at work and pray that she eats more of it than the rest of the work crew. I'm really trying to understand your thinking. She asks you out for coffee, where you will be alone with her and can talk to her: you decline and it's because you don't want to take it as a sign of interest. Although in reality, it could potentially clarify things for you. You would rather: bake a cake for the work party and hope she eats more of it than others. Because why?????? If she eats 1/2 of the cake then what???? I'm really not following the logic here. You don't want to ride with her to get coffee you'd rather bake a cake in 2 months for work and hope she eats half or send her signals by putting clothes pins all over yourself (wth??)...mmkay. 5
Author Darren2013 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Here's what I am hoping will happen. She eats most of the cake and compliments me on how great it was. Then I will tell her "Since you liked it so much I'll be more than happy to bake another cake just for you to take home and eat". That's another indirect signal on my end and it is my way of slowly leading up to asking her out. This way the cake deal is not coming on too heavy once she mentions how delicious it is then I have a valid excuse to bake a 2nd one exclusively for her.
preraph Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 In the meantime I really have 2 opportunities now to send out signals to my crush. Halloween and Christmas. Halloween I get to draw attention from her by dressing up and putting 10 clothes pins all over my face and neck. Then baking a cake for Christmas. Are you kidding me with the clothespins? In what universe do you think that will attract a woman to you? Seriously, you sound like an eight-year-old kid thinking up new ways to scare the babysitter. The girl asked you for coffee like an adult and you told her no because you're too chicken. You think a cake and putting clothespins on your face is going to somehow place you in a better position to come at her. That's completely delusional. You want her to notice you but only on your own terms, under your plan. Your plan is more important to you than actually interacting with the girl. 3
Toodaloo Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Darren Don't you *insert as many swear words as you flipping well like here* dare wait to bake flipping cake! You get off your backside, you find out when she is next on a break with you and you get your bum down to that coffee shop pronto - with her in tow! If its tomorrow, you go tomorrow so make sure you are prepared with enough change in your pocket to get the blinking coffees and also tip who ever serves you. Don't you bloody dare wait until Halloween let alone Christmas! Go and do it now before you leave for the day or first thing in the morning. I say this with all the love in my heart get off your blinkin' bum and go get that girl! She is trying to make it easier for you and you are ballsing it up! No more over thinking just *now swearing like a sailor* well do it! 1
Author Darren2013 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Are you kidding me with the clothespins? In what universe do you think that will attract a woman to you? Seriously, you sound like an eight-year-old kid thinking up new ways to scare the babysitter. The girl asked you for coffee like an adult and you told her no because you're too chicken. You think a cake and putting clothespins on your face is going to somehow place you in a better position to come at her. That's completely delusional. You want her to notice you but only on your own terms, under your plan. Your plan is more important to you than actually interacting with the girl. Well I can't help the fact that she makes me nervous when she is around me. 1
eye of the storm Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Darren, that is the most reasonable thing you have said. It is fine and normal to be nervous around her. What is not fine and normal is having to orchestrate all these odd things. You mention dressing nicer and taking more care with your hygiene, keep doing that. Not for her, for you and for any future hers. (Not to mention your co-workers. I hate working with people who feel hygiene is a sliding scale.) Coffee is non threatening. Stop thinking of it as a big deal. It is just coffee with someone you want to get to know better. If it doesn't go well, then you need to get back to work. If it does go well, ask her if she wants to do lunch or "hey, i heard about this place and I was wanting to try it for lunch one day...want to go?" If you are waiting for the stars to align and you to get a concrete sign that she is interested, I'm sorry but it will never happen. Get out there and do some living! 2
Author Darren2013 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Darren, that is the most reasonable thing you have said. It is fine and normal to be nervous around her. What is not fine and normal is having to orchestrate all these odd things. You mention dressing nicer and taking more care with your hygiene, keep doing that. Not for her, for you and for any future hers. (Not to mention your co-workers. I hate working with people who feel hygiene is a sliding scale.) Coffee is non threatening. Stop thinking of it as a big deal. It is just coffee with someone you want to get to know better. If it doesn't go well, then you need to get back to work. If it does go well, ask her if she wants to do lunch or "hey, i heard about this place and I was wanting to try it for lunch one day...want to go?" If you are waiting for the stars to align and you to get a concrete sign that she is interested, I'm sorry but it will never happen. Get out there and do some living! I think lunch is a bad idea even if the coffee meeting goes well.
eye of the storm Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Don't even worry about lunch till you see how coffee goes. Stay in the moment. Be present where your are and not what may or may not happen. Just try for a cup of coffee. You can do this. 1
Imported Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 What kinda cake were you going to bake? Whatever it is, you should go all out. Do three layers. No, do four layers!! With frosting perfectly spread between each layer and frosting boarders beautifully squeezed around the edge. Don't leave it up to chance, do an intricate frosting design to woo her. And coconut sprinkles! Everybody loves coconut sprinkles. Don't forget the cherry on top, chicks dig that! Ooooohhhh!!! Just go with one cherry and when you cut it up for everybody, you give her the piece with the cherry! I'm excited for you OP! 2
MissBee Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Here's what I am hoping will happen. She eats most of the cake and compliments me on how great it was. Then I will tell her "Since you liked it so much I'll be more than happy to bake another cake just for you to take home and eat". That's another indirect signal on my end and it is my way of slowly leading up to asking her out. This way the cake deal is not coming on too heavy once she mentions how delicious it is then I have a valid excuse to bake a 2nd one exclusively for her. Don't you feel that's completely circuitous and going to coffee would have been a lot more efficient than hoping she likes a cake or eats most of it or compliments you, all of which you have no guarantee she will do? But good luck!
TigerLilly78 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 In the meantime I really have 2 opportunities now to send out signals to my crush. Halloween and Christmas. Halloween I get to draw attention from her by dressing up and putting 10 clothes pins all over my face and neck. Then baking a cake for Christmas. . MMMMhmmm clothes pins are hawt! try adding a few to your nether regions that will def get her attention 1
MissBee Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Darren, have you dated or had a gf before? With your plan, where you base things off very innocuous and ambiguous signals and clues and do them over periods of months I imagine it would be very difficult for most women to realize you like them or by the time you concoct 40 different subtle signals over the course of 5 years they have already moved on. This whole process reminds me of evolution after the big bang... Billions of years for the smallest of changes and shifts. People don't have that kind of time to waste and wait for something as simple as a date. By the time you do all that chances are 20 other men would have made their interest clear, taken her off the market and she's walking down the aisle whole you're frosting cakes.... 6
Author Darren2013 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Don't even worry about lunch till you see how coffee goes. Stay in the moment. Be present where your are and not what may or may not happen. Just try for a cup of coffee. You can do this. You mention something earlier about her being nice to me and stuff. That's one thing I don't need. I don't need my crush to be nice to me like she is giving me attention out of pity. If that's all that this coffee thing is about then I did the right thing to decline. I don't accept pity dates or pity hang outs or pity sex.
Gloria25 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 You mention something earlier about her being nice to me and stuff. That's one thing I don't need. I don't need my crush to be nice to me like she is giving me attention out of pity. If that's all that this coffee thing is about then I did the right thing to decline. I don't accept pity dates or pity hang outs or pity sex. Just curious, what has she said or done to make you think she is giving you attention out of pity?
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