Apaige Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I am so done with this BS!! How can a person have such horrible luck? I need to get out of this funk...I just don't know how. So tired of this. Ex cheats, leaves me and the kids, even the family dog...pretty much disappears for a year, takes the kids one night a week, threatens to fight me for sole custody, tells me that he will be in favor because he's a police officer...scares me to death with custody, and he never once asked for the kids more than the one night he has them. He chooses the GF over his own children for a whole year because she doesn't want to meet them...and I know, I get it, maybe it was a good thing that she not meet them, but it had been a whole year tht they had been together... I sit and struggle on the daily with finances and getting kids to and from sports, homework, and everything else, lose my house to foreclosure, and he lives happily ever after with his GF, a new home, new truck!! And now I find out that he will have them on Halloween, my daughters bday, and Christmas Day!!! Seriously?! I am so over this !! When do I get my break?! Sorry, just venting! Why and where are these feelings coming from? It's been 19 months! Why so much resentment, and hatred?! Ugh 2
mammasita Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Do you have any family near by? I can understand your resentment but you need to let it go. That doesn't mean you forgive him or are happy with the situation, it's acceptance. Take some of that time for yourself. Halloween is on a Friday this year. Make an appointment at a salon for a massage, get your hair trimmed. DO SOMETHING. If you can swing it, book yourself a hotel room away from it all, sit at the hotel bar and chat it up with strangers and the bartender. Sleep in the next day, order room service. Pamper yourself, you deserve it.
Tayken Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 he lives happily ever after with his GF, a new home, new truck!! And now I find out that he will have them on Halloween, my daughters bday, and Christmas Day!!! Seriously?! I am so over this !! When do I get my break?! Sorry, just venting! Why and where are these feelings coming from? It's been 19 months! Why so much resentment, and hatred?! Ugh OK....listen to what I have to say from a man's perspective on this. DO NOT ENGAGE HIM BY TEXT OR VERBAL ARGUMENTS. You are separated and he has a new GF, and all that is happening to you now is EMOTIONS (which is normal). Start using emails or lawyer to communicate with him. Just because he is a COP doesn't mean ****, and that attitude in the court room will get him in more trouble than favours. A family Judge doesn't make excuses for cops and he will have to use something factual against you according to the family law rules, to get sole custody. I will tell you this though, try and take your emotions out of it...you had the kids together, and it will always be better for kids to have access to both parents providing there is no abuse, drugs, alcohol etc going on. When you say you just found out, what do you mean by this? Surely you guys must have a separation agreement in place or a court order that breaks down who has the kids when????? Again, relax and start thinking child's best interest here, NOT how to stick one to your ex. My ex tried this nonsense with me even when I suggested 50-50 from the start, she was dead set on sole custody for no apparent reason, and when I served her...she changed her tune. I do NOT play games, and she should have known better who she was dealing with.
Author Apaige Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 OK....listen to what I have to say from a man's perspective on this. DO NOT ENGAGE HIM BY TEXT OR VERBAL ARGUMENTS. You are separated and he has a new GF, and all that is happening to you now is EMOTIONS (which is normal). Start using emails or lawyer to communicate with him. Just because he is a COP doesn't mean ****, and that attitude in the court room will get him in more trouble than favours. A family Judge doesn't make excuses for cops and he will have to use something factual against you according to the family law rules, to get sole custody. I will tell you this though, try and take your emotions out of it...you had the kids together, and it will always be better for kids to have access to both parents providing there is no abuse, drugs, alcohol etc going on. When you say you just found out, what do you mean by this? Surely you guys must have a separation agreement in place or a court order that breaks down who has the kids when????? Again, relax and start thinking child's best interest here, NOT how to stick one to your ex. My ex tried this nonsense with me even when I suggested 50-50 from the start, she was dead set on sole custody for no apparent reason, and when I served her...she changed her tune. I do NOT play games, and she should have known better who she was dealing with. What I meant was that I just realized that Halloween falls in one of his two nights, daughters bday is also on his day, and then Christmas is his this year. We are actually divorced now, so all the court stuff is in the past, but I am just saying all of the torture that he put me through, all of the threats, and all of the " I'm a police officer" crap scared me until the divorce was finalized. I truly went through hell for 12 long months while the divorce was being finalized! He doesn't scare me anymore, but I am just pissed that I am left with a 30k dollar bill from my lawyer, no way of getting a house at least not for a while, my car that's on it's last leg...and so on! Yes, I have my children five nights a week, and for that I couldn't be happier....but I didn't deserve all the BS in the past, all of the hell that he put me through. He treated me like a POS because I cared for my sick mother with whom was diagnosed with cancer on 10/28 and passed on 12/8, and then he moved out on 1/1. It's been a rough couple of years!! I just wanted him to see what he lost, what he have up, I didn't want him back, just wanted him a little miserable!!! Sorry if that makes me a terrible person, but I'm just being totally honest!! 1
Author Apaige Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 OK....listen to what I have to say from a man's perspective on this. DO NOT ENGAGE HIM BY TEXT OR VERBAL ARGUMENTS. You are separated and he has a new GF, and all that is happening to you now is EMOTIONS (which is normal). Start using emails or lawyer to communicate with him. Just because he is a COP doesn't mean ****, and that attitude in the court room will get him in more trouble than favours. A family Judge doesn't make excuses for cops and he will have to use something factual against you according to the family law rules, to get sole custody. I will tell you this though, try and take your emotions out of it...you had the kids together, and it will always be better for kids to have access to both parents providing there is no abuse, drugs, alcohol etc going on. When you say you just found out, what do you mean by this? Surely you guys must have a separation agreement in place or a court order that breaks down who has the kids when????? Again, relax and start thinking child's best interest here, NOT how to stick one to your ex. My ex tried this nonsense with me even when I suggested 50-50 from the start, she was dead set on sole custody for no apparent reason, and when I served her...she changed her tune. I do NOT play games, and she should have known better who she was dealing with. And this is so true, the family judge saw right through him!! He showed no favoritism at all, at least not toward him anyway!! But I just wanted him a little miserable...for all of the pain and suffering that he put me through. I didn't even really get a chance to mourn the death of my mother.
VanessaVanessa Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I am so done with this BS!! How can a person have such horrible luck? I need to get out of this funk...I just don't know how. So tired of this. Ex cheats, leaves me and the kids, even the family dog...pretty much disappears for a year, takes the kids one night a week, threatens to fight me for sole custody, tells me that he will be in favor because he's a police officer...scares me to death with custody, and he never once asked for the kids more than the one night he has them. He chooses the GF over his own children for a whole year because she doesn't want to meet them...and I know, I get it, maybe it was a good thing that she not meet them, but it had been a whole year tht they had been together... I sit and struggle on the daily with finances and getting kids to and from sports, homework, and everything else, lose my house to foreclosure, and he lives happily ever after with his GF, a new home, new truck!! And now I find out that he will have them on Halloween, my daughters bday, and Christmas Day!!! Seriously?! I am so over this !! When do I get my break?! Sorry, just venting! Why and where are these feelings coming from? It's been 19 months! Why so much resentment, and hatred?! Ugh I know what you're feeling. I haven't dealt with something on that sort of scale myself, but I can understand a little because your story reminds me a slight about my father. -The type of men who are inconsiderate and cruel and still manage to be fine in time. About what you're feeling though, I sure know how it is. You just wonder when you will get a chance and nothing's coming yet. It's been just over a year now since my break up (like I said different scale) but it just seems like they are the ones to go on however they like. It's so difficult to not let that get to you. I really only take it day by day because I don't know what else I can do. I wish you luck though, honestly.
vovo Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 He is using threats about taking the children as a bluff to ensure you are under his control. Try to stay calm, he's an absolute a$$, but you cant help that. Be grateful he has another woman, to keep his mind occupied on making someone else's life a misery, not just yours. Suggest only contact in writing; text or email, and use an intermediary to protect yourself from his abuse and threats, a lawyer friend or social worker, or your dad. Also, see a good psychiatrist, to get tips of how to handle this situation the best way u can without having a meltdown. Be strong, and smart, and don't give up.
readynow Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 He can do nothing to you. Come to terms and make peace with your debts. Pretend exH is dead and don't communicate with him except via email. See him as a free babysitter for one night a week where you can let your hair down and do hot woman things! It'll get easier if you let go. 1
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