fortyninethousand322 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 That's bull. He was gone for 6 weeks...he wasn't even on the same playing field, for lack of a better phrase! That could have been the last night she saw that dude. You don't even know how many dates they've been on. You can't assume anything! He needs to talk to her, BOTTOM LINE! No. He should bow out gracefully like a gentleman. When you see a girl with another guy, you don't try to butt in, you let her choice speak for itself. Let her get on with her own life.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 OP, it's your choice, man. You have two opposite viewpoints. 1
mightycpa Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Just call the girl already and get the date. Seriously. I'm probably retreading old ground here, but did you seriously expect her to sit around while you traveled the globe for six weeks? Just do it... you've invested the time, you get along virtually, so you're going to quit because you have some competition now? Think about how this guy is going to feel when he finds out about you! He'll probably run to LS, asking questions like: Why did she start to go out with him? Does she like him better than me? She's getting cold and distant... etc., etc., etc. Don't wuss out OP. Give this girl a spin. You never know. 2
Haerts Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 You met the girl 2 days before travelling. You stayed 6 weeks away. You didn't even get to go on a date. It looks like you pretty much assumed you were both dating when you didn't even get to kiss each other yet. She had the right to go out with other guys, and you had the right to go out with other girls, why not? Were you really expecting her to stay home for 6 weeks because of a guy she met 2 days before that? Anyway, apparently you're back now and my suggestion is: ask her on a date! Go out with her, see how things goes. Maybe she's not even seeing that guy anymore. Just talk to her. If it doesn't work, well, it didn't work then, at least you tried. 1
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 I never said she can't go out on dates with others. But if she's out holding hands & sitting in another guys lap in public she must REALLY like this other guy. I don't know of a girl who would do that if she didn't like them as more than a friend. The OP is going to be competing for this girl with some guy she already likes a lot. Why get involved at this point? I wouldn't want to be a 2nd option. I know women that do this to guys they have stuck in the friends zone. Oh well some of us don't mind a little competition and obviously some don't.
umirano Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Again this is a case of butt hurt ego busting disappointment because you invested your feelings and put this girl up on a pedestal......big mistake. smackie... where to start... I find this post pretty dumb. You call this guy butt hurt while pretending that he actively chose to "invest himself" (what does that even mean). He developed feelings for her. Maybe from when he first met her and/or bc of the text conversation that followed. That's not as much under his conscious control as you'd like to think. Being flirty over text and sitting on another guy's lap and holding the other guy's hand clearly shows that she's not as serious about #1 as she is about #2. To think that this behavior is normal is ludicrous. IMO she's playing both of you. OP, decide whether you're playing along or not. Ofc you can date her anyway, but since she's apparently easily having a flirty conversation with one guy while rubbing her behind on someone else's crotch I'd think carefully about what you're looking for in a girl. It doesn't seem to me that she's very serious about either of you and in addition to that she doesn't feel the need to communicate this to you, OP, in some way. Yeah yeah they're not exclusive. Boring. That's not the point. There are clearly shades in conversation that carry this type of information, i.e. whether there could be others in the picture or how serious she is about talking / meeting a particular guy. I'm willing to think that OP would not be as flabbergasted if the convo were a little less encouraging. Anyway #1 People don't actively chose to develop a crush, least of all the big ones #2 The girl's behavior is indicative of her not being very seriously interested dating either of you exclusively
umirano Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 steal her from him? Why'd you steal something that's broken?
umirano Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 That's bull. He was gone for 6 weeks...he wasn't even on the same playing field, for lack of a better phrase! That could have been the last night she saw that dude. You don't even know how many dates they've been on. You can't assume anything! He needs to talk to her, BOTTOM LINE! The delusion is big in you.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 The delusion is big in you. How? He can't assume something he didn't hear directly from her mouth or saw with his own eyes.
umirano Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 How? He can't assume something he didn't hear directly from her mouth or saw with his own eyes. Well, we can assume his friend lied to the OP, or he didn't. We'll make an assumption either way. But if we can't trust what the OPs post (and trust that they post to the best of their knowledge), this forum is kind of in a dead end. So I'm assuming the OP thinks the information given by this friend is reasonably accurate.
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 #2 The girl's behavior is indicative of her not being very seriously interested dating either of you exclusively Again how can she be serious when she has never been on a date with the OP and he has been out of town for 6 weeks. This is why the OP needs to risk it and see if it happens. If you don't take risks, nothing is gained. If this girl is worth it, he will take the risk. IMO the OP has a greater advantage because she knows him more on an emotional level, and that is where the money is. Better to lose trying than not trying at all.
umirano Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Again how can she be serious when she has never been on a date with the OP and he has been out of town for 6 weeks. So the fact that when they met the first time they spent a few hours together and continued to have a rather meaningful text conversation for six weeks basically means nothing at all? This differs greatly from what I experience and what friends (of both genders) tell me. In my culture generally this assessment of the facts would be called shallow, to put it mildly. This is why the OP needs to risk it and see if it happens.For above reasons I disagree. My impression is such that there's only a downside risk. Even if you end up winning her interest, you most likely end up being the interest of a shallow, if not sketchy, person. If you don't take risks, nothing is gained. If this girl is worth it, he will take the risk. She most likely isn't worth it, as her behavior suggests a shallow and sketchy personality. Better to lose trying than not trying at all. With that way of arguing everybody should be storming the casinos. But from statistics it becomes clear that only the casino will win in the not so long run. You call the OP "invested" yet you seem to ignore the fact that there are actual (albeit non-financial) costs to pursue such a girl. From all the things the OP said, and believes to be true, she'll most likely not be a dateable, i.e. worthwile, pursuit. So those (emotional) costs will not be justifiable. Do we disagree on the correctness of the information given, or on the consequences from them? Or both? In other words, would you suggest to him to pursue her even if you knew for sure the friend's account is true?
SmartDude Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Put her in the friend zone. Tell her that you have heard she is seeing someone and that you didn't know. Just give a sexy smile and say "I guess it was just a misunderstanding, I thought I was getting a different vibe from you, oh well" Play it off like you kinda don't care but give her a little look of subtle disappointment. You have to be stone cold emotionally and totally in control to pull this off though. :laugh:Then totally ignore her. 1
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