GuskeGee Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Hi guys. I'm so sad right now I made a thread about my situation not so long ago, but I found out about something today that broke my heart I've been overseas for six weeks, but met a girl two days before I left through a mutual friend at a party. I already asked her out and she said yes. Our convo has mainly been over text, because Skype was a bit of a stretch this early on. We spent the last six weeks texting and I thought things we going quite well and that she showed interest because: -When texting, she responded with detailed messages -She asked me many personal questions about my hobbies, my family, my job, my passion etc. - When texting, she sent me heart emojis, kiss-face emojis and was generally very cute over text, especially when saying "Good night." - When I told her I was going to do something, she remembered it. She actually remembered quite many small details. - She sent many "haha" when I even wasn't trying to be funny. - She always took 20-30 min. to respond, even though I saw the message was seen almost immediately after I sent it (FB messenger). - We've been chatting for over a month and our convo could go on for days. - She agreed on going on a date with me, saying she "would love to." - She usually thought whatever I did was "wow, that's so cool." - While she NEVER initiated the convo, she NEVER initiated to end. I was always the one ending it. Anyway, I came back yesterday and planned to call her to tell her the exact date, place and time of our date, however I met with our mutual friend (girl). She told me she was at my flirt's Bday party last weekend and that the girl I'm suppose to go on a date with this week brought a guy with her. She has known him a month and actually met him the same night she met me. My friend told me he held her hand, she sat on his lap, they danced all night, but when she was asked if they were together, she told my friend "No, we're not together." When I found out about this, it broke my heart. Over a month I've been talking to this girl, she said yes on going on a date with me and showed interest all the way through, but in the meantime she's been hanging with this guy. My friend told me to still go on with the date, even though I know she's seeing someone else. Girls, HELP ME with this one. What's going on here and what should I do??? I really want this girl, but now I don't know if there's even a reason to go on a date 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Um what's the big deal? You can still date her. They aren't exclusive and you aren't exclusive. Ask her out anyways. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Look nobody is worth "fighting for" in this way. If indeed this mutual friend of yours is telling the truth (people do lie all the time so be cautious, trust but verify), then this girl is making her preference known. The idea that you're supposed to "wow her" and make her choose you over the other guy is dumb. I'm sorry to say this buddy, but it doesn't look good. If it were me I'd cancel the date. Probably not even tell her and just not show up. 1
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 There is no exclusivity, so she can see whomever she wants. All you were doing was talking with her, you have never been on a date, she is not breaking any rules nor is she obligated not to date anyone. Rule of thumb is never "assume". Your friend is right, go on that date and see how things go. At this point you are an option and she has ever right to make you and this other guy an option until she feels she wants to pursue something more serious. You haven't been on a date yet, so stop investing your feelings, until you both claim exclusivity. 2
Georgia2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If I were you I would not go on a date with her. She has been playing with your heart strings. She made you think she liked you and yet went out with another guy. Ask yourself this if she does this now knowing how much you like her what would she do if you were exclusive and you had to go out of town say on business for a day or two? I imagine she would be playing the field while you were gone. To me this is a red flag. I'm a female by the way. 4
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Why would he do that? She hasn't rejected him, he has been overseas for 6 weeks. She continued to talk him and everything. There isn't a preference. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 There is no exclusivity, so she can see whomever she wants. All you were doing was talking with her, you have never been on a date, she is not breaking any rules nor is she obligated not to date anyone. Rule of thumb is never "assume". Your friend is right, go on that date and see how things go. At this point you are an option and she has ever right to make you and this other guy an option until she feels she wants to pursue something more serious. You haven't been on a date yet, so stop investing your feelings, until you both claim exclusivity. I don't think it's a matter of whether she can date other people. Of course she can. The question is whether this is a situation the OP should still pursue. Clearly it isn't since the girl likes the other guy at least somewhat more than she likes the OP. Not worth it for OP to continue to invest effort here. For the record, if I liked a girl, I wouldn't be getting all cuddly with some other girl. I'd refrain from that. It's not a moral judgment, it's a reflection of how much interest the girl in question has in the OP. And it looks like not much... 3
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 But he hasn't even given her a chance. He has been gone, he couldn't get to know her on that level. He just got back. I think he should still take the leap. 3
Author GuskeGee Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 But he hasn't even given her a chance. He has been gone, he couldn't get to know her on that level. He just got back. I think he should still take the leap. It's mind-boggling! I was literally going to call her, but met with my friend right before and found out about this. I'm usually very confident, but knowing there's someone else in the picture while being on a date with her will make me so stressed! Maybe she told my friend that they're not together because she knew my friend would tell me? If that's the case, why would she want me to think she isn't seeing anyone? 1
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 For all we know she brought this guy along as a date. What she does on that date, doesn«,t mean she is exclusive to this guy. They were having fun. It's possible he was an ex Bf, or just someone she isn't serious with. Why should she sit by and wait 6 weeks to have a date. Giving up is just being immature. She is fair game, I say go for it. If you have the ballz, something like this shouldn't deter you from getting what you want. Communication is key. On a first date you should ask important questions like have you been married, do you have children, are you presently dating other people, what are your expectations, are you looking for a committed relationship for are you looking for something casual. 1
Cristo Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Depends on how much you like the girl and why you like her. If you're really interested and she has a lot to offer (logically not emotionally), I say just go on the date. If she has nothing to offer, but this is completely tied to your emotions, then let it go. 1
Author GuskeGee Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 (edited) She has a lot to offer and I really like her, but that doesn't change the fact that there's another guy in the picture who has the advantages of having seen her a month. No, they're not exclusive, so she could go on that date with me, but it just came as a shock. Of course if she wasn't interested at all she'd give me generic replies and/or wouldn't respond at all. I'm not stupid or blind like that - I'd see instantly if there was no interest. I'm just shocked a girl could be that interested and actually agree to go on a date, asking me several times when I'll be back, but then days before I actually come back, go out with another guy and show him off to all her friends. Edited October 13, 2014 by GuskeGee 1
mr_dave Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Would it bother you if she's been sleeping with him? It would bother me to be honest, I'm not sure I'd go through with the date. Not very romantic is it this multi-dating lark? 2
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 She has a lot to offer and I really like her, but that doesn't change the fact that there's another guy in the picture who has the advantages of having seen her a month. No, they're not exclusive, so she could go on that date with me, but it just came as a shock. Of course if she wasn't interested at all she'd give me generic replies and/or wouldn't respond at all. I'm not stupid or blind like that - I'd see instantly if there was no interest. I'm just shocked a girl could be that interested and actually agree to go on a date, asking me several times when I'll be back, but then days before I actually come back, go out with another guy and show him off to all her friends. It's not a slap in the face. Maybe she just needed a date to the party...because you still weren't back. If it bothers you that much, let her go. Otherwise, it's not that serious. 2
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Your expectations are misconstrued. For all she knows while you were away you could have been out with other girls. You chose not to, that is your choice. Just because someone shows interest doesn't mean they are obligated to exclusivity when you haven't even established that by going out on dates. You were just talking, talking on line is not dating. At this time you are an option. Why should she invest herself when she hasn't even been out on a date with you yet. Get it? 2
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Again this is a case of butt hurt ego busting disappointment because you invested your feelings and put this girl up on a pedestal......big mistake. 1
Tayken Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 because you invested your feelings and put this girl up on a pedestal Exactly....never put 'IT' on a pedastal 1
Author GuskeGee Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Of course I get it. We haven't even been on that date, so she does have every right to date someone else. BUT if she wants him and not me, she should just tell me instead of play me like this. She probably wants to give it a try to see if there's something, but I would rather not have known about this other guy. Would've been easier to go on a date thinking that there's no one in the corner in case it doesn't go as planned. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 For all we know she brought this guy along as a date. What she does on that date, doesn«,t mean she is exclusive to this guy. They were having fun. It's possible he was an ex Bf, or just someone she isn't serious with. Why should she sit by and wait 6 weeks to have a date. Giving up is just being immature. She is fair game, I say go for it. If you have the ballz, something like this shouldn't deter you from getting what you want. Communication is key. On a first date you should ask important questions like have you been married, do you have children, are you presently dating other people, what are your expectations, are you looking for a committed relationship for are you looking for something casual. Incorrect. It's clear from her behavior (again assuming this is what happened) that she likes the other guy more than the OP. No point in pursuing something that will go nowhere. It's not immature to cut your losses. Immaturity would be doubling down on a bad bet. 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Incorrect. It's clear from her behavior (again assuming this is what happened) that she likes the other guy more than the OP. No point in pursuing something that will go nowhere. It's not immature to cut your losses. Immaturity would be doubling down on a bad bet. That's not necessarily true. He was out of town for 6 weeks! Not a few days...she can date who she wants but that doesn't mean she doesn't like him. He is back so maybe he'll be her priority and not the other guy. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 That's not necessarily true. He was out of town for 6 weeks! Not a few days...she can date who she wants but that doesn't mean she doesn't like him. He is back so maybe he'll be her priority and not the other guy. Ok. Just don't say I didn't call it when this ends up going poorly... 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Ok. Just don't say I didn't call it when this ends up going poorly... Its better to try than to wonder what if... 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Its better to try than to wonder what if... It's better to try when the attempt is realistic. 1
Georgia2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) She has a lot to offer and I really like her, but that doesn't change the fact that there's another guy in the picture who has the advantages of having seen her a month. No, they're not exclusive, so she could go on that date with me, but it just came as a shock. Of course if she wasn't interested at all she'd give me generic replies and/or wouldn't respond at all. I'm not stupid or blind like that - I'd see instantly if there was no interest. I'm just shocked a girl could be that interested and actually agree to go on a date, asking me several times when I'll be back, but then days before I actually come back, go out with another guy and show him off to all her friends. You are over thinking this. She's made her choice. Don't give into her mind games she is playing you. You deserve someone better. Don't give her another minute of your time or thoughts. Count your blessings you found out what she is really like. In my opinion she is sending up major red flags you don't seem to want to see. From your posts the other guy is really bothering you. Why would you want to get mixed up in a triangle like this? Listen to your gut it's telling you something isn't right. You said it yourself she was showing him off to her friends. Sorry to say it but she must really like him. Edited October 14, 2014 by Georgia2014 2
NJ123 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Hi guys. I'm so sad right now I made a thread about my situation not so long ago, but I found out about something today that broke my heart I've been overseas for six weeks, but met a girl two days before I left through a mutual friend at a party. I already asked her out and she said yes. Our convo has mainly been over text, because Skype was a bit of a stretch this early on. We spent the last six weeks texting and I thought things we going quite well and that she showed interest because: -When texting, she responded with detailed messages -She asked me many personal questions about my hobbies, my family, my job, my passion etc. - When texting, she sent me heart emojis, kiss-face emojis and was generally very cute over text, especially when saying "Good night." - When I told her I was going to do something, she remembered it. She actually remembered quite many small details. - She sent many "haha" when I even wasn't trying to be funny. - She always took 20-30 min. to respond, even though I saw the message was seen almost immediately after I sent it (FB messenger). - We've been chatting for over a month and our convo could go on for days. - She agreed on going on a date with me, saying she "would love to." - She usually thought whatever I did was "wow, that's so cool." - While she NEVER initiated the convo, she NEVER initiated to end. I was always the one ending it. Anyway, I came back yesterday and planned to call her to tell her the exact date, place and time of our date, however I met with our mutual friend (girl). She told me she was at my flirt's Bday party last weekend and that the girl I'm suppose to go on a date with this week brought a guy with her. She has known him a month and actually met him the same night she met me. My friend told me he held her hand, she sat on his lap, they danced all night, but when she was asked if they were together, she told my friend "No, we're not together." When I found out about this, it broke my heart. Over a month I've been talking to this girl, she said yes on going on a date with me and showed interest all the way through, but in the meantime she's been hanging with this guy. My friend told me to still go on with the date, even though I know she's seeing someone else. Girls, HELP ME with this one. What's going on here and what should I do??? I really want this girl, but now I don't know if there's even a reason to go on a date Sorry man, but unfortunately that's all you need to hear to move on from this girl. HUGE red flag. You don't sit on a guys ****ing lap & hold hands in front of other people & think nothing is going on. There's no doubt in my mind they slept together while you were away. 3
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