hhenryfford Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 okay guys heres my story in a nutshell. 4 year relationship. superrr serious for the 3 final years. first loves, first everything. We lived in Boston (go sox ) and when she went to college else where we survived and had a very happy and successful LDR for 1.5 years. we would talk of our long term future and marriage etc. frequently. long story short. before were about to be home together for summer she dumps me. she had no real reason, was definitely 100% grasping at any reason she could think of. would use old stuff (old problems weve had, and that weve conquered and moved past) as a reason for breaking up. 2 weeks later she is hooking up with a new guy. this lasts all summer. all summer i fluctuated between chasing and going NC for 2-3 weeks at a time. i got hot and cold reactions from her. one day shed show feelings and be super into me and show signs of wanting to reconcile, the next shed be a cold hearted bitch. i attribute this hot & cold behavior to the new guy being in the picture. in addition, she did a TOTAL 180 this summer. became a person i no longer recognized. partied and drank 24/. meanwhile im well aware of GIGS and read the numerous threads, and it fits her actions 100% perfectly. its scary how accurate... anyways i ask her to talk before we depart for college once again. she is rude says F off essentially (not her words exactly). so i say thats it, screw it. im done for good. go NC for a month and 2 weeks... then she suddenly texts me a huge long text. it basically says -i know you dont want to ever hear from me again. youre justified in not responding. -hope youre doing well but i know you probably are. -i miss you. -i did this (xyz) the other day and it made me think of you -im sorry for being so selfish and unfair blah blah -im sorry etc, i wish i could have been better. -id love to hear what youve been up to if you want to talk ever. thoughts?!??! i figured she is feeling the impact of the break up NOW. she acted like she didnt give a F all summer and was fine because of her rebound. now shes off at school with no rebound, no other guy.... you get it. do the math. i had a feeling once i suddenly stopped chasing shed be like "oh fuuu ck hes actaully moving on..." and then something like this would happen. the hardest part is i cant tell WTF her intentions are. it could be: 1. wanting to make sure i still have feelings/she can still string me along and have me in her life. ...making sure im still around as a "safety net" or 2. she wants me back. or wants us together in the future or something. realizes she made a mistake yada yada yada. please help me out guys! thanks in advance. -Henry ps. got this a few days ago. still havent responded. and dont plan on it. although its very hard not to respond.... im so unsure of what to do. i do still love her and i would definitely want to reconcile in the future. keep that in mind. not immeadiately but i definitely would consider getting back together in xmas time or maybe this upcoming summer. however it would take a hell of a lot more out of her to make me consider.... thanks guys.
Poppyolive Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 That's quite the worldwind of emotions going on there. Please, please, please don't reply. Now is your chance to be the bigger person and have the upper hand. You've been through enough. Here's my take, the message means nothing. She's just trying to see if you're still into her. Giving her a bigger head. She's missing you chasing her. Don't get involved in the game. You're not going to get any closure with her, especially if what you say she has done to you is true! You need to work on you & let go. Take time yo get over the ****ty things she has done. I repeat, you will get no answers from her. Hold your head up and let her winder where you've gone.
blackcat777 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If she really, truly wants you back, she'll message you again. The general rule for NC everyone says everywhere is accept nothing less than, "I want you back." Patience won't hurt anything if that is what she really wants, and patience is the only thing that can spare you some serious hurt if it isn't.
Author hhenryfford Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 That's quite the worldwind of emotions going on there. Please, please, please don't reply. Now is your chance to be the bigger person and have the upper hand. You've been through enough. Here's my take, the message means nothing. She's just trying to see if you're still into her. Giving her a bigger head. She's missing you chasing her. Don't get involved in the game. You're not going to get any closure with her, especially if what you say she has done to you is true! You need to work on you & let go. Take time yo get over the ****ty things she has done. I repeat, you will get no answers from her. Hold your head up and let her winder where you've gone. thanks buddy. means a lot. and i will NOT reply. this is the first time EVER ive had the upper hand. shes had the upper hand and all the power ever since shes dumped me... now i have it all. thats exactly what i figured too... she needs the ego boost, the satisfaction that comes with knowing im still into her, or have feelings, or want her etc. If she really, truly wants you back, she'll message you again. The general rule for NC everyone says everywhere is accept nothing less than, "I want you back." Patience won't hurt anything if that is what she really wants, and patience is the only thing that can spare you some serious hurt if it isn't. thanks to you too! i also agree with you. ive read on other posts that if she really wants me back shell be very straightforward and crystal clear about it. also that apology she gave me was not NEARLY good, sincere, or heartfelt enough to condone any type of response, let alone second chance. if i ignore her now will she text me again do you think? and dont girls go psycho/crazy when you ignore them? especially after a huge long text like that? thanks guys. i would still love to hear anybody elses input!! it would be greatly appreciated
Simon Phoenix Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Ignore, ignore, ignore. All that was was her trying to alleviate her guilt.
Author hhenryfford Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Ignore, ignore, ignore. All that was was her trying to alleviate her guilt. are you sure? i feel like it was that, but also more than that ya know. anybody else???
leoc1973 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 yeah right now she is having that Oh ****t moment. Right now is that moment where you will decide your fate. If you answer her and show her any love or emotion at all she is going to say to herself, "Oh good he is still pining over me, back to partying.. he isn't going anywhere yet" If you don't answer she is going to have a wakeup call and knows that she is going to have to straighten out and maybe come with her tail between her legs trying to actually get you back.. I had this same type of moment a few times with my ex and every time I showed her that I was still waiting so she went on partying and loving life while I suffered and read loveshack all night long looking for any hope. Many of us on here have been through exactly what you are going through and know the feeling of a woman we love seeming like she has been possessed by a demon or someone else. Crazy how that person you felt was your other half all of the sudden is like she forgot about everything. Stay strong bro. We feel your pain.
ThorntonMelon Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 OP - I am going to try and appeal to your logical side even if I doubt right now it is particularly active in your decision making process. The good news for you is that the best play here happens to be the same, both for your emotional health, and for your chances of getting back with her. Simply put, that is refusing to engage with her unless she tells you without any hesitation that all she wants in her life is to get back together with you. You need to be willing to live your life without her as opposed to accepting less than what you want. If you show her you'll accept her leftovers, you will never have a chance at getting her back. And you'll never get over her. I don't think she's having any such moment, except realizing that something that was a big part of her life is gone. People hate change. She's no different.
Author hhenryfford Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 bump. please help guys!!! thanks!
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