ralfgarnett Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I have read somewhere that there are certain things you can write in a letter that directly stimulate certain responses in people for example people who you might be separated from that you would like to get back together with, does anyone know where I can find templates of these as I would be interested to read some to see what they are all about, getting a bit desperate I am willing to look at all options to achieve my goals.
No Limit Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 There are no letters that can change people's minds (although plenty of wannabe-psychologists who want some of your cash might beg to differ). May I ask, what made you and your wife break up? Unless there was infidelity on your part, there's no need for the letter approach.
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) Hi NL thanks for your reply, no infidelity on either side, it just came out of the blue when she was having some kind of emotional meltdown, all centred around grief and stress and fear of dying took to flight instead of fight because she panicked and had to get out has been having quite bad anxiety attacks, all classic signs of MLC possibly linked with depression of some level, I think she is a bit lost and dissolusioned with life also possibly pre-menopause, I still love her and she me I know that we have always been close, but slowly I can see little bits of the old her coming back through, I still have hope we were happily married 17 years and would be together 20 years next month, so not a flash in the pan by any stretch, we have been apart just over 3 months and I suppose in reality that is not a long time but it feels like forever and it hurts like hell, obviously I asked her back at first and have asked her to consider counelling but so far not budging, which is why I was thinking of a new approach hence thinking about hand writing a nice letter for her, I am desperate I miss her so much sometimes I see no point living without her in my life she has been everything to me for so long I have no future without her, im 50 in December and feel so old and washed up with it all. Edited October 14, 2014 by ralfgarnett
xUnknown Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Hi NL thanks for your reply, no infidelity on either side, it just came out of the blue when she was having some kind of emotional meltdown, all centred around grief and stress and fear of dying took to flight instead of fight because she panicked and had to get out has been having quite bad anxiety attacks, all classic signs of MLC possibly linked with depression of some level, What is MLC?
CarrieT Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 it just came out of the blue when she was having some kind of emotional meltdown, all centred around grief and stress I'm willing to bet there *is* some type of infidelity; an emotional affair of some sort. 99% of the time, when someone starts changing "out of the blue," ultimately there is a third party involved. I would go into stealth investigative mode just to be sure. Other disagree about spying, but has her time with texting increased? Is she spending more time away or at a gym, trying to change things? Those are usually signs of infidelity...
ThorntonMelon Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I wouldn't do ANYTHING except get into counseling yourself and meet with an attorney to protect your rights. Clearly your mind isn't right at the moment (which I can completely sympathize with) or you'd be focused on protecting yourself instead of handwritten letters. You are in grief, denial, and agony. You need to focus completely on your recovery. Right now even if she took you back, you're not the man you need to be. You need to get strong, and the best way to do that is to get professional help in both mental and legal sense. And maybe physical sense as well if you can also join a gym at the same time. Forget spying - you've been separated three months, even if she was cheating it's irrelevant now - she has made it clear you're no longer together. Start acting like it. Good luck to you.
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 No infidelity at all, I know my wife and I know she wouldn't do that neither of us believe in behaviour such as that and if she was being unfaithful to me before she left then she must of been quick about it, I know there is no infidelity I this I have total faith in her about it
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Still there are no magic words. Getting marriage counseling MIGHT be an option but she has to be willing to attend & it doesn't sound like she is. Even if she says this just came out of the blue, it didn't. You don't throw away a marriage on a whim with no explanation. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 No infidelity at all, I know myon fe and I know she wouldn't doout that neither of us believe in behaviour such as that and if she was being unfaithful to me before she left then she must of been quick about it, I know there is no infidelity I this I have total faith in her about it I have a bridge to sell you...... Either way, whats done is done. She thought about this for a LONG time. You just dont wake up going "Ah I think I'll leave today." Has to be a solid reason. Whatever it is, you might never know...or she'll lie about it to not hurt your feelings. Pretty common. As d0n said below, there is no magic words. You just move on and maybe she will figure out what she wants. Again, my guess is this isnt some crazy decision made on a whim. 1
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 I would welcome marriage counselling in order to sort things and in order to get to the route cause of this, but at the last time of asking she didn't want to go and I cant make her, we are getting a bit closer at the moment I may well bring it up again, I know shes not happy and I am sure in principle that she didn't want to leave and would like to come home, most of her stuff is hear and neither wants a divorce, so we will always be married, feeling tired now time to put the laptop away the stress of all this is wearing me out.
ThorntonMelon Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 You need ralf counseling more than marriage counseling, and I very much hope you'll seek it out.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I would welcome marriage counselling in order to sort things and in order to get to the this, but at the last time of asking she didn't want to go and I cant make her, we are a bit closer at the moment I may well bring it up again, I know shes not happy and I am sure in that she didn't want to leave and would like to come home, most of her stuff is hear and neither wants a divorce, so we will always be married, feeling tired now time to put the laptop away the stress of all this is wearing me out. I see a crap load of "she" and "we". I dont see a lot of I. THATS your only concern right now. You. I. Me. All of it. Every route you're wanting to take is for her. She doesnt care about you right now..being striaght with you. If she really cared, she'd go with you and try to save the marriage. She clearly has other motives. You better brace yourself man. If she didnt want to leave, she wouldnt be doing this.
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 That's because I don't care about me, I care about her and us which is why I married her, as they say there is no I in TEAM, Hi TM yes I am in counselling once a week not sure if its doing any good I usually just end up in tears but I do that most of the time these days anyway no matter where I am, I feel broken and so scared, I don't want to meet anyone else I could if I wanted but I don't, im still a good looking bloke who looks about mid-30's instead of late 40's but just not interested, I love her nobody else I gues im just a hopeless case.
ThorntonMelon Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Not caring about you is frightening. There is no us. You've been separated several months. And in your mental state, you'd have no chance with anyone else right now. Or even if you did you'd screw it up. And I don't say that to be mean, just to be real. You're an emotional wreck, incapable of anything resembling rational thought and coherent decision making. Keep going to therapy. Don't do anything until you and your therapist think you're on stable ground. Keep posting here, we'll help you through it too. 1
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 Thanks TM I appreciate that but I don't want to be with anyone else in any respect, I was married in the eyes of god and in that respect it is a no goer, and the thought of being physical with anyone else turns my stomach, before I met my wife I was a bit of a boy and had many women but now after nearly 20 years of happiness I just don't want to know about any other woman, I have had my offers over the past few months especially with one local girl but I simply don't want to know although she is a stunner and a really nice lass but no way.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Thanks TM I appreciate that but I dont want to be with anyone else in any respect, I was married in the eyes of god and in that respect it is a no goer, and the thought of being physical with anyone else turns my stomach, before I met my wife I was a bit of a boy and had many women but now after nearly 20 years of happiness I just don't want to know about any other woman, I have had my offers over the past few months especially with one local girl but I simply don't want to know although she is a stunner and a really nice lass but no way. Look man, its all really fresh so everything you're saying right now is coming from raw emotion. You might not want to be with anyone else and the thought of being with someone else RIGHT NOW turns your stomach. If she felt that same way, she wouldn't be doing this. The fear of losing you would be wa too strong. You cant make someone see their mistake especially when they don't think it is. Sadly, all you can do is live your life and let things come as they do. Right now, you are incredibly emotional and unstable. Thats why I HIGHLY suggest not talking to her. You'll screw things up more I assure you. Just keep moving forward. Things happen the way they should.
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Thanks CHB you talk sense mate its good advice
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