Diezel Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I don't know.. Jesus...was not expecting these reactions. This whole time I've been thinking I'm a little bitch and need to get over it. While you are busy getting over it for the next two weeks that you are away, she is probably having someone get "over her" in a bed right now. Dude, 12 PEOPLE in 12 WEEKS. Even village bikes back from highschool are looking at this thread going WOW, that's a LOT. 3
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Dude you can talk to her about it till you are blue in the face. You being away will be her next excuse on why she needed to go out and get some. 2
mammasita Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I just wanna know if you made her get tested before you jumped into that thing. 1
Author disclosure Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Ok, but to ask the same question as before.. Do I suck it up for 2 weeks, act like nothing is wrong, and talk to her in person? I don't know if I can do that, we text eachother throughout the day, talk on skype every night...but I feel like once I bring it up again and it's out in the open there is really no going back. 1
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I don't know.. Jesus...was not expecting these reactions. This whole time I've been thinking I'm a little bitch and need to get over it. No shame in trying to look past it - very noble. And obviously her willingness to disclose it probably felt like "well, she admitted, maybe she won't do that to me". And she may not! However, observe patterns, peep game and keep your wits about you. Don't get too swayed by the strong reactions here - most people have seen the worst of this kind of thing, so tend to paint it with the same brush. But you will have to broach this at some point, and seriously consider your future with this person. Ask yourself if you really think she would do what she did to her ex, to you. 3
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Ok, but to ask the same question as before.. Do I suck it up for 2 weeks, act like nothing is wrong, and talk to her in person? I don't know if I can do that, we text eachother throughout the day, talk on skype every night...but I feel like once I bring it up again and it's out in the open there is really no going back. Sucking it up will only create unnecessary tension within and you probably won't be thinking as clearly as you need to be - better off skyping her soon. 1
Author disclosure Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 **** me. She really is a great person, but I've been reserved from the beginning thinking about this being a rebound, then when she told me about the cheating, and then when she started leaking the sexual past stuff. I guess I know why, and you guys are probably right. Doubt I'll be able to get over this and it would continue coming up in our relationship. I felt from the beginning the relationship was rushed, and I think these reasons totally add up as to why. She has been rushing it probably because she feels bad about all of this and has been trying to speed up the emotional aspect of the relationship because of it. I just wanna know if you made her get tested before you jumped into that thing. We both got tested, but sadly it was by chance due to some testicle pain I was getting, went to the hospital and got tested...which is what started her telling me about her past, probably due to potentially feeling guilty now that I think about it. 2
oldshirt Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If the first time you met her, she was introduced to you in this manner - " this. ___, she screwed her BF's buddy then screwed a dozen guys over the next few months and now she likes to brag and joke about it .... " Would you have ever given her the time of day to begin with? Would you have even asked her out for a first date??? 3
Author disclosure Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Sucking it up will only create unnecessary tension within and you probably won't be thinking as clearly as you need to be - better off skyping her soon. I just can see it not ending well (or just straight up ending tbh) if this is brought up over skype and I don't want to be that guy who ends up breaking up over skype, yaknow? 1
Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 **** me. She really is a great person You call a woman cheating on her bf with his buddy a great person? 5
oldshirt Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Here's the real warning flag here - you now know how she behaves when things don't go swimmingly in her relationship. So she says she was getting enough "attention" from her BF so she boffed and friend of his and then screwed the whole neighborhood. Can you guarentee that you will always be able to provide her the level of attention she wants and that things will always be perfect for ever and ever and ever? 4
oldshirt Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 When people show you who and what they are, believe them. - Maya Deangelo 4
Author disclosure Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 You call a woman cheating on her bf with his buddy a great person? One bad action doesn't make someone not a great person. People make mistakes, people can learn from their mistakes. Not defending it at all, it's a terrible thing to do. But judging someone's entirety on one thing is also wrong. Take the worst thing you have done in your life, should people judge you solely on that? She is a great person. Anyways, I appreciate the advice everyone. It definitely helped me see through the barrier of emotion/attachment and realise some cold, hard truths. 2
Author disclosure Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Here's the real warning flag here - you now know how she behaves when things don't go swimmingly in her relationship. So she says she was getting enough "attention" from her BF so she boffed and friend of his and then screwed the whole neighborhood. Can you guarentee that you will always be able to provide her the level of attention she wants and that things will always be perfect for ever and ever and ever? Honestly this has been in my mind throughout this whole relationship, and it helps seeing someone else say it. So thanks you. 1
Diezel Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 One bad action doesn't make someone not a great person. People make mistakes, people can learn from their mistakes. Not defending it at all, it's a terrible thing to do. But judging someone's entirety on one thing is also wrong. Take the worst thing you have done in your life, should people judge you solely on that? She is a great person. Anyways, I appreciate the advice everyone. It definitely helped me see through the barrier of emotion/attachment and realise some cold, hard truths. You mean, the 12 bad actions over the course of 12 weeks of which 1 included boning her boyfriend's best friend. Yes, KEEP DEFENDING HER. We all know how this story ends. 5
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I just can see it not ending well (or just straight up ending tbh) if this is brought up over skype and I don't want to be that guy who ends up breaking up over skype, yaknow? I understand you, but you are gonna have to keep a clear head about this. Can you do that for 2 weeks? You'll need a frank talk with her about how the two of you will be going forward, aswell as to talk about what happened in her past. I would caution you against immediately just breaking up, but you already have a level of discomfort anyway. She might be a cool enough person outside of the mistakes she's made, but will that be enough? Keep an even keel before and when you talk to her. You call a woman cheating on her bf with his buddy a great person? Everybody has their good points. The cheating itself may be an isolated moment of weakness, or a pattern that will repeat itself. But I don't think it makes her a de facto bad person who will always be one. Perhaps it makes her not suitable for a relationship so soon afterwards though. 1
DazedandConfused8 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 So my girlfriend of 4 months was in a relationship for 5 years before I met her. Her relationship ended early this year, and 3 months later she met me. During those 3 months, she had sex with 12 other guys and it is bothering the **** out of me. She says it's because her previous boyfriend didn't pay much attention to her near the end of the relationship, and their sex became meaningless, so after her relationship she was all "may as well have meaningless sex with other people if that's how it was anyways". The problem isn't so much the number as it is the time frame that it took place. And the fact that she almost seemed eager to tell me...like some fake embarrassment, but had that smirk on her face. She's very open about it too, and in drunken games like "never have I ever" which is basically about sexual experiences (ex: never have I ever had a threesome, if you have you take a drink) she puts up this big thing like "oh I hate this game because I'm so bad at it" and it bothers the **** out of me. Getting looks from my friends when she's the only one at the table who is taking a drink. I don't understand, I don't want to bother me and I don't know if it should or not, but it does. She said out of the 15 guys in total, she has only had feelings for 3 (all of her relationships) and I don't know if that makes things better or worse. I've always tried to think that it's none of my business how many people a person has slept with or their sexual past etc, but now that this is the first time this has really come up for me personally I just can't deal with it. I know it might say more about me with why this bothers me, but I can't help but think if this does say anything about her? Anything? Is this no big deal? I just feel like I trust her less, and almost feel like if she hadn't met me she'd continue adding to the list. Like I'm less special. How do I get over this? I really want to...but at the moment I can't stop thinking about it. Your worries are justified and meaningful. She broke up with someone and whored herself out for a few months. She binged on sex for her personal shallow gratification. That it worries and disgusts you is of course reasonable. I've said this before: what's important is that she regrets her past and has learned that being a slut is behind her. If not, then her whoring around is a sign of her attitude and maturity. 2
Phoe Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I'm glad that you both have been tested. I'm also glad that you see the great qualities about her. I agree that making mistakes does not make her a "bad person". But I don't think she is someone you should be in a relationship with. 2
Author disclosure Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Your worries are justified and meaningful. She broke up with someone and whored herself out for a few months. She binged on sex for her personal shallow gratification. That it worries and disgusts you is of course reasonable. I've said this before: what's important is that she regrets her past and has learned that being a slut is behind her. If not, then her whoring around is a sign of her attitude and maturity. That's the thing, she says she does. But her attitude towards telling me, her smirks and the "maybe you should guess first" game she played when asking about her number says otherwise, ya know? 1
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 That's the thing, she says she does. But her attitude towards telling me, her smirks and the "maybe you should guess first" game she played when asking about her number says otherwise, ya know? I think this is part of her accepting what she has done in her past. Also, the idea of them regretting what they've done - do they really have to regret it in order to be mature about it? Is she supposed to be in pieces and say "I really hate what I've done"? She has to come to terms and accept it. Maybe her lighthearted attitude towards it is an attempt at such. If there's anything she should be regretting, it's likely the cheating more than anything - the other stuff, that's either a matter of subjectivity IMO, or a sequence of events borne out from the cheating. Maybe her "regret" manifested in the 12 weeks of sex that followed. 1
umirano Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 A combo of number/amount of time it took place, the reason for breaking up with her ex and how she handled it, what is saying she didn't get it all "out of her system", and jealousy tbh. My number is 3, so it just makes me feel insecure about it all as well. In all honesty, not trying to offend anyone, but I feel like in pretty much all club situations guys pursue girls. The fact that she has had one night stands with 12 guys, it scares me thinking about how she feels about sex and now if she were to go out again with her friends on her own.. She also cheated on her ex near the end of the relationship with his bestfriend, which has always been in the back of my mind and hard to get over, and this just kind of adds to that. Sounds like an instadump to me. 3
umirano Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 her smirks and the "maybe you should guess first" game she played when asking about her number This'd worry me at least as much as the cum fest in her snatch over the course of 12 weeks. I don't think she has taken your POV into account at all when it comes to talking about this. Or would you say a loving, caring and mature person would behave that way in a serious, relationship-relevant conversation? 3
Author disclosure Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 (edited) I think this is part of her accepting what she has done in her past. Also, the idea of them regretting what they've done - do they really have to regret it in order to be mature about it? Is she supposed to be in pieces and say "I really hate what I've done"? She has to come to terms and accept it. Maybe her lighthearted attitude towards it is an attempt at such. If there's anything she should be regretting, it's likely the cheating more than anything - the other stuff, that's either a matter of subjectivity IMO, or a sequence of events borne out from the cheating. Maybe her "regret" manifested in the 12 weeks of sex that followed. I tried to edit my post to be more along the lines of this, but you had replied before I could. I agree. It is difficult to share this information with someone and the way she did it could be a sign of her being embarrassed and the only way she knew how. I also agree with the whole regret thing and that's the struggle I'm having. The whole "her sexual past is her sexual past" thing. It's hard not to judge her future actions based on that when you are just really getting to know her and all you have to go on is her very recent past. It is very possible she has changed and what she said was the truth. The more I think about it, the less I'm convinced that enough time has passed for her to know for sure the reasons behind her promiscuity. But yeah, fine line with the whole "does she really need to justify" thing. I don't know, part of me says yes because we're in a relationship and I should know these things, but part of me.. "the past is her past" etcetc. Edited October 13, 2014 by disclosure 1
No Limit Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Did your STD test come back negative? Dude, I know ebola hasn't become a pandemic yet but that virus stays in a man's sperm for 3 months after the infection (chances are he's not even alive at that point). Call me the paranoia-hoe but if that stuff crosses into other continents, your cheating partner will kill you. Be very, very careful in the future, SHOULD it ever get bigger in the US or wherever you live. 1
FitChick Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I never discuss my sexual past. At my age, most men assume I have one. 2
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