She couldn't cope with LDR, now in a LDR with someone else?

[HelloYo]

I met someone last year who I was close to for half a year afterwards. She wanted to talk to me a lot, always smiled and said I meant so much to her.

She was unsure about a relationship, so I gave her space. 2 months after, I asked her when she would like to go on a trip she said she can't, and that was it, she texted me saying she couldn't deal with a LDR, it was nice to know you, even though we communicated for 6 months. It seemed she didn't want to be friends, so I removed her from most social media, because quite clearly, it would hurt.

I asked how she was one day, ignored me, and responded later saying I wasn't putting in the effort, & said she was a b*tch to begin with. Adding on to that, she said others were giving more affection, which I found hard to believe.

 

I looked on her social media today and noticed she is now in a LDR with someone across a continent, we both live in the same country. Now, it's been a couple of months since it happened between us to, but why would she lie and quite clearly hurt my feelings? She does seem like high maintenance from what I see, but can you see my anger? I communicated for a long time, to only find out I was used and worthless.

 

Q: Should I ask her why she lied to me? Do I have the right to contact her, so I can see whether she gives me an answer.

 

Note that I'm not jealous that she has a new boyfriend, but I am very angry and hurt that she just 'threw me under a bus.'

 

Any suggestions would be respected

[HeavenOrHell]

How much time did you spend with her in person in that 1 1/2 years?

 

 

 

I met someone last year who I was close to for half a year afterwards. She wanted to talk to me a lot, always smiled and said I meant so much to her.

She was unsure about a relationship, so I gave her space. 2 months after, I asked her when she would like to go on a trip she said she can't, and that was it, she texted me saying she couldn't deal with a LDR, it was nice to know you, even though we communicated for 6 months. It seemed she didn't want to be friends, so I removed her from most social media, because quite clearly, it would hurt.

I asked how she was one day, ignored me, and responded later saying I wasn't putting in the effort, & said she was a b*tch to begin with. Adding on to that, she said others were giving more affection, which I found hard to believe.

 

I looked on her social media today and noticed she is now in a LDR with someone across a continent, we both live in the same country. Now, it's been a couple of months since it happened between us to, but why would she lie and quite clearly hurt my feelings? She does seem like high maintenance from what I see, but can you see my anger? I communicated for a long time, to only find out I was used and worthless.

 

Q: Should I ask her why she lied to me? Do I have the right to contact her, so I can see whether she gives me an answer.

 

Note that I'm not jealous that she has a new boyfriend, but I am very angry and hurt that she just 'threw me under a bus.'

 

Any suggestions would be respected

[GemmaUK]

You say you gave her space..did she ask for space?

[HeavenOrHell]

6 months sorry, not a year and a half.

Sounds like an online friendship which didn't progress into a real life relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, you shouldn't contact her. I don't see how you stand to benefit from that. Her response probably won't help you feel any better and only lead to more resentment and hurt. It will also come across as jealousy, even though you claim you aren't.

 

I'm not saying you don't have a reason to be hurt. But you need to protect your heart here. Confronting her isn't conducive to that. For whatever reason, she decided not to pursue a relationship with you. Even though she may not have been honest about the reason why, it was her right to make that choice. Delete her from all social media. Close that chapter and be done with her. Her loss.

[HelloYo]

No, you shouldn't contact her. I don't see how you stand to benefit from that. Her response probably won't help you feel any better and only lead to more resentment and hurt. It will also come across as jealousy, even though you claim you aren't.

 

I'm not saying you don't have a reason to be hurt. But you need to protect your heart here. Confronting her isn't conducive to that. For whatever reason, she decided not to pursue a relationship with you. Even though she may not have been honest about the reason why, it was her right to make that choice. Delete her from all social media. Close that chapter and be done with her. Her loss.

 

Do you honestly believe it is her loss?

[HelloYo]

You say you gave her space..did she ask for space?

 

She wanted to think about it, she seemed scared of real life, this goes to you HeavenorHell too. It was unfair on me that I had to wait for so long, I didn't want to friendship out of it, who does after speaking so much and both making comments which show affection? So yeah, i went for it, and it didn't work, I suppose Expat is right, it's her loss?

Edited October 13, 2014 by HelloYo

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you honestly believe it is her loss?

 

Yes. It's time for you to move on, now. Harping on it will make it worse for you. Did you delete her yet?

[HelloYo]

Yes, thank you. I have not been in a problem like this one here before. We both live in close by states but she comes from the north and i am south. Garbage it came like that., thanks for support

[emi]

Yes, thank you. I have not been in a problem like this one here before. We both live in close by states but she comes from the north and i am south. Garbage it came like that., thanks for support

 

" cant deal with a LDR " was a perfect excuse for her to turn you down. A woman can endure everything if she really love the man and hes worth ít i.e he loves and respects her. I dont know about you and her but i honestly dont think you need to ask her why she lied to you. Isnt you already know the answer? Or you want her to get a chance to embarass you? Just move on, and rise above the bad thing. Maybe you will meet someone local and glad you didnt need to do LDR ( ít is not something delightful!)

[randomnerd]

Right before my bf and I started our relationship, one of the things he said to me was that he hates LDRs. We are now in a LDR and have been in one for our entire relationship so far because we both feel it's worth it.

 

I don't think you should contact her to ask. She probably wasn't lying when she said it. She probably felt that way. Whatever she answers won't satisfy whatever you're looking for.

[Evening]

" cant deal with a LDR " was a perfect excuse for her to turn you down. A woman can endure everything if she really love the man and hes worth ít i.e he loves and respects her. I dont know about you and her but i honestly dont think you need to ask her why she lied to you. Isnt you already know the answer? Or you want her to get a chance to embarass you? Just move on, and rise above the bad thing. Maybe you will meet someone local and glad you didnt need to do LDR ( ít is not something delightful!)

 

I am not really sure about that as you say that women can endure everything. I do not think its a gender issue. And women still want and need to be hold. Look for example those women who have men who work very hard and spend a little time at home? Did you watched "Desperate Housewives"? Do you remember Gabrielle? We all want emotional and physical intimacy.

 

Seems like maybe she was not ready at that time to give it a try or she hesitated. We will never know that for sure. Only she knows.

 

But you should definitely move on. Its not healthy for you to ponder about this.

Thats why LDR are so tricky. You cannot really see what the other one is doing or thinking. Yeah, you can have skype opened every day, but still you are not physically together.

 

And why did not the two of you meet in the real life? You should have arrange it. Maybe there were things what stopped her.. cannot tell.