JenKlein Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 My boyfriend of two years dumped me. It was kinda serious, we had talked about future plans and marriage together. We had ongoing issue about me being jelous that he was spending so much time with his female cousin. They lived together, and he would do alot for her, they would hang out weekly, he would treat her to lunch once a week, and would drive her many places because she didnt have a car. Sometimes canceling plans on me, because of things he needed to do with her. My jelousy grew because i felt like he prioritzed her more than me, we even had a conversation about this in which he said he priotizes me first, but she is very close behind. Anyways, it came down to a scenario in which it was the same story, we had made plans but he had to rearrange to help her with something. I got upset, and said i had already made arrangements in that directions. He got annoyed that I wasnt cool, called me on the phone about 30 minutres later, as I was driving in his direction, and dumped me via phone call. Anyways what are your thoughts, my confidence is pretty shot. I thought I was communicating to him my needs, i realize she is family, just confused. Anyways, just want input, thanks!
Zahara Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I believe in your other thread you mentioned that this is the 3rd break-up in two years. Jealousy aside, you have to acknowledge that a relationship that ends this many times has very little to sustain it. Your issues with your self-esteem and your jealousy can very well grate on him to the point whereby it almost kills his feelings for you and the relationship. After awhile, it just leaves a bad taste in one's mouth because no one wants to deal with that kind of drama or expend the energy. If you say you've always been insecure, it can be a turn-off in the long run. I'm not sure why you're upset and jealous over his cousin. They probably hang out a lot more because they live together and sometimes things happen and plans need to be rescheduled. No one can determine the true nature of their bond but if the relationship as you said made you feel like you weren't getting what you needed, or feeling like a priority -- maybe this is what you need to 1) push you forward so that you can work on your self-esteem and possibly pursue and achieve those goals that have been hindered by your lack of confidence 2) help you learn lessons for your future relationships.
Early Bird Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I will say that a jealous partner can REALLY drive a person away. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. My last relationship which recently ended had a lot of issues where my girlfriend would get jealous and constantly feel I was hiding something (and honest to God there was no reason for her to feel that way). This would become very draining on me, annoy me, push me away, and make me lose attraction for her. It was exhausting having to feel like I constantly had to explain myself for no reason. As Zahara said, take time to focus on why you're feeling this way, work on your confidence, and learn from the experience for the future.
Zzyxx Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 My boyfriend of two years dumped me. It was kinda serious, we had talked about future plans and marriage together. We had ongoing issue about me being jelous that he was spending so much time with his female cousin. They lived together, and he would do alot for her, they would hang out weekly, he would treat her to lunch once a week, and would drive her many places because she didnt have a car. Sometimes canceling plans on me, because of things he needed to do with her. My jelousy grew because i felt like he prioritzed her more than me, we even had a conversation about this in which he said he priotizes me first, but she is very close behind. Anyways, it came down to a scenario in which it was the same story, we had made plans but he had to rearrange to help her with something. I got upset, and said i had already made arrangements in that directions. He got annoyed that I wasnt cool, called me on the phone about 30 minutres later, as I was driving in his direction, and dumped me via phone call. Anyways what are your thoughts, my confidence is pretty shot. I thought I was communicating to him my needs, i realize she is family, just confused. Anyways, just want input, thanks! Coming from a relationship where my ex had this kind of relationship with her best friend, though I don't know you, I think if you felt like he wasn't prioritizing, or at least balancing the relationship (for example cancelling your plans to hang out with her) then that's something that's his fault, not yours. For example, I'm pretty much the least jealous person around. I'm a laid back and easy going chick, but my ex (who admitted she used to have romantic feelings for her best friend) was not above canceling plans that we had made well in advance to hang out with her best friend, and we're even talking anniversary plans here. She would also make it clear that she prioritized her best friend's opinions more than mine. For example, I would suggest an idea, she would disagree with it, then the best friend would suggest the same exact idea, and then she'd be all into it. Just stuff like that, really does make you feel not as important in a romantic relationship when you're supposed to be a team. Some people aren't as good as sharing their time and feelings as others, or to be honest, maybe it was just an excuse to break up with you for other reasons. I totally know what it feels like though, and in the long run you're probably better off finding someone that will take your relationship more seriously.
Recommended Posts