SycamoreCircle Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 So, my girlfriend moved out and left me for a man 20 years her senior. She lied to me about the whole thing; made up all these incredible reasons for the break up. Completely devalued me to her family, friends and herself. I snooped her computer and found out. This happened 7 months ago. She was adamant that the break up had NOTHING to do with this guy pursuing her or the fact that she'd been cheating with him. In those final weeks, it's like another person was standing in front of me. Been in NC ever since, except from time to time I crack and look at her and his social media. They are both artists and in the course of my surveillance what I have gathered is that virtually everything she posts on Facebook or Instagram, even Twitter is a concession to his interests, his aesthetic, his humor and tastes. For example, he's fascinated with Metal and skulls and will take pictures of skulls. Now, she does as well. Dead bugs? Ditto. Satanism and Witchcraft? Yep. Machiavellian theory? For sure. Gross ads in consumer culture? Ditto. Classic British Rock legends? Now, she posts things about Motorhead. She's 25! I could make a real case for this if you're not convinced the level of "idealization" or "idolization" she commits to. And understand, her social media is not her life, her interests and this aforementioned stuff. It is virtually nothing but this aforementioned stuff. From what I understand, they see each other from time to time and have sex. That's about the extent of their relationship. Her father is an artist who, though still married to her mother, is very much in his own world. He doesn't seem very emotionally connected to the daughter. When she was debating moving in with me, his only concern was: will she have studio space to work on her art? Is this a girl with daddy issues? Does anyone think this kind of worship is weird, unnatural? When she lived with me, we shared inside jokes and did things to make the other feel appreciated but it wasn't on this level. This is idolatry. I know I shouldn't be concerned with her life anymore. She disrespected me and threw me away. But the heart is hungry for answers.
johnson_j Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 It would help you better to understand and BELIEVE that you've dodged a major bullet here. It sure sounds like he's on a pedestal. In my experiences, when an "insecure" woman is chasing me, anything I do is of interest. Once they lose interest or find a new shiny target, that stuff changes. You should stop caring about her. And stop looking for answers. Your answer should simply be "I'm thankful that I dodged a bullet and she's his problem now". 1
Mr Scorpio Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 It absolutely sounds like idolatry. Once he gets to the age of hitting early perch specials and listening to reruns of Paul Harvey, she is going to be absolutely screwed. That being said, quit checking her social media. No good is coming of it. 1
Toodaloo Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 That being said, quit checking her social media. No good is coming of it. This You have enough worries of your own to be dealing with. She is an ex for a reason. Leave her in the past and concentrate on your future.
Seraque Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 OP, whatever you suspect are probably right. Doesn't change anything though. I too broke up and kept checking his social media for awhile, and it wasn't helping. I'm now 10 days NC on social media and I'm feeling much better! Still a lot of work to do and I am the 1st to admit it, but really checking those things will keep raising questions and keep bothering you. Make today the 1st day you stop checking social media.
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