SugarAzn Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 My bf and I have been together for 1.5 years and we've been living together for 6 months. Lets such say things arent peachy, lots of screaming and arguing. He's become distant and cold towards me. He doesn't do the "small things" anymore which he knows I value and appreciate. and overall he just doesnt seem happy. Even fought to the point of breakin up but it results in either him asking me "how can i do this to him" or him starting a conversation to move on, move out, then turning it around. I dont get it. If we keep fighting and we live together, i dont get why he just does go through w the break up. Or even just break up w me. He says its bc he loves me and after me hes never going to see/love another woman again. So what gives? I personally thats ridiculous bc I know how he is, or was, and he's the type that likes being loved and treated with love and care. But im not going to say I know him 100% bc all the fighting and his actions have rebuked most of what I thought i knew about him. He's a good man. I dont know how things got so bad to the point where we're fighting so much and that I've resorted to going online asking a community full of strangers for help. So, Why dont he break up with me or follow through a break up instead of draggin it out? - he has yet to find his own place and a car so idk if thats the reason why hes hesitant to leave or what but i know hes built some resentment that he cant do anything on his own bc im the one w the car and he has still yet to look up things to do in our town. ( like, he could atleast look up museum times or something and plan things out so that we can work schedules out since im a full time college student ).
xUnknown Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You two need to sit down and work it out. If he is putting up with it, perhaps he cares so much about you that he wants things to work out? To me, it sounds like you want to break-up with him. So the question is, why don't you break up with him?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Why are you dragging it out? If this is the same sexually, emotionally and verbally abusive pr*ck you described in another thread, you should have broken up with him a long time ago. He is most certainly not a good man. Why are you letting him call all the shots?
Author SugarAzn Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 It's a lot more complicated then to just "dump him". Ive tried the complex police and they've told me point blank they cant remove him. I tried calling 911 but after an hour and my bf blowin up my phone i gave up from exhaustion and I knew i had obligations that I needed to take care of. Its hard to just "kick someone out" if the "natural" course of action is to call police to HELP me. I dont want to be with him anymore but he's so hell bent on his behavior being right and being a hypocrite that its near to impossible to get him out. At this point, im hoping someone would shed light as to what I can do so thathe chooses to leave so its HIS idea
lauri Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 It's a lot more complicated then to just "dump him". Ive tried the complex police and they've told me point blank they cant remove him. I tried calling 911 but after an hour and my bf blowin up my phone i gave up from exhaustion and I knew i had obligations that I needed to take care of. Its hard to just "kick someone out" if the "natural" course of action is to call police to HELP me. I dont want to be with him anymore but he's so hell bent on his behavior being right and being a hypocrite that its near to impossible to get him out. At this point, im hoping someone would shed light as to what I can do so thathe chooses to leave so its HIS idea So what you are saying is, you don't want to take responsibility for leaving him because you are scared of how he will react? This is no way to live. I understand what you are trying to do but this guy sounds so emotionally unstable that I do not know how you can logically expect him to leave you. Unfortunately, the only real option out is doing it yourself. 1
Author SugarAzn Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 no its not that i dont want to take responsibility of leaving. I actually want people to HELP me go about leaving him. That's all. I dont need anyone to do it for me. Im looking for suggestions really. Im not scared of him. He's like a nagging leech but I need to know how to get him out and off of me. its my relationship so of course Im going to take responsibility for it but i came on this site for suggestions or opinions.
xUnknown Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 no its not that i dont want to take responsibility of leaving. I actually want people to HELP me go about leaving him. That's all. I dont need anyone to do it for me. Im looking for suggestions really. Im not scared of him. He's like a nagging leech but I need to know how to get him out and off of me. its my relationship so of course Im going to take responsibility for it but i came on this site for suggestions or opinions. You just leave him. Dump him. Tell him its over and you don't want to do it anymore and he must leave the apartment. You can't convince someone to dump you so it was their idea... That's manipulating (oh wait...maybe that's what happened to me =P ) Just balls up and do it yourself. I wish my ex did, I made it easy for her. She should have done it herself. That's our suggestion and that's our opinion.
tikay00 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Maybe because he thinks you're the best girl he can ever get with, and he's too scared that if he breaks it, it'll be over, and he has to start over again. Possibly, and I mean possibly, he doesn't have someone else lined up yet, and he's just staying with you, because he's scared of the unknown.
CarrieT Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 You could always bag up his stuff, leave it on the doorstep and change the locks.
Author SugarAzn Posted October 18, 2014 Author Posted October 18, 2014 You just leave him. Dump him. Tell him its over and you don't want to do it anymore and he must leave the apartment. You can't convince someone to dump you so it was their idea... That's manipulating (oh wait...maybe that's what happened to me =P ) Just balls up and do it yourself. I wish my ex did, I made it easy for her. She should have done it herself. That's our suggestion and that's our opinion. -- I have broken up with him. Or atleast attempted to several times. The only successful time he got the picture was when I called him out on every god damn evil and abusive thing he's done/said towards me and he had to hear it from one of his " best friends " ( who is racist and hates the idea that he's not taking a black woman ) that the things I called him out on were right. He "maned up" for a month or so and it was consistent so i thought he really got the picture. Now i'm stuck with someone that is completely deaf, in my face, keeps me in my apartment knowing that the cops are unreliable in my city.
Author SugarAzn Posted October 18, 2014 Author Posted October 18, 2014 Maybe because he thinks you're the best girl he can ever get with, and he's too scared that if he breaks it, it'll be over, and he has to start over again. Possibly, and I mean possibly, he doesn't have someone else lined up yet, and he's just staying with you, because he's scared of the unknown. -- I used to think that too. He'd tell me I was the "best woman and best friend someone could ever have asked for" and then this happens. I've since stopped believing him. He is constantly complaining that he FEELS like his a burden and I just look at him because this is RIGHT AFTER me telling him why is he being a child and harassing me? I told him, if he felels like a burden to me then gtfo but then he starts yelling at me so a) i have to physically leave my apartment b) yell back c) ignore him d) just start blaming myself and agreeing w him to shut the hell up. I used to not take **** from ANYONE and its like being w this guy has just stripped that attribute from me.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 18, 2014 Posted October 18, 2014 I am confused: whose apartment is it? Yours or his? If it is yours, then yes, he can be made to leave. Particularly when he's being violent and abusive toward you. If not, you need to leave. You cannot force someone to dump you. You need to stop putting yourself under his control. I understand it is a complicated and delicate situation, but you are not utterly powerless here - yet you are giving him all the power right now. He can't be in a relationship with you if you don't want to be with him.
Author SugarAzn Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 its my apartment. In a nutshell He is living off of me. he doesn't go out of his way to pay for things other then the one in a while gas in my car. Since I lost my job, he's been more aggressive b/c he knows i have limited amount of funds. Mind you, he uses just as much of the utilities, if not more, then I do since 6 days out of the week Im at school and everything would ideally be turned off.
Author SugarAzn Posted November 2, 2014 Author Posted November 2, 2014 And I was stuck with him b/c he would not "let go" so to speak. so even if I didn't want to be with him and told him point blank, he'd still stay or harass me til I cried b/c I had no where to go or was so stressed out that I'd get light headed.
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