Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Yesterday was my birthday. I got wishes from men I have briefly dated and that was ok, no hurtful history between us but this one man that broke my heart in pieces, and he knows he did, sent me a happy birthday crap message 10 months after he stepped out of my life. WHY?
Kyle7 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Hey, I'd like to know about this aswell. Been split with my ex now for 6 weeks. It's my birthday next month I'm sort of hoping she texts me to say happy birthday, would that be a sign that she still cares a bit ?
Emilia Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Who knows why. If he wasn't a nice man, his motives don't matter.
somedude81 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Unless the ex was begging for forgiveness or wanted to get back together, I wouldn't want to hear from them on my birthday. 3
lauri Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 A birthday msg means nothing. lol All it is them saying Happy Birthday. Big deal. I didn't wish my ex happy birthday nor did she wish me happy birthday. We just left it alone and to be honest, it was for the best. 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Who knows why. If he wasn't a nice man, his motives don't matter. He was a nice man. We had an amazing time together. I had a hard time letting go of him when he stepped out of my life with no warnings.
Author Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 A birthday msg means nothing. lol All it is them saying Happy Birthday. Big deal. I don't think you understand me. I am not asking if it means something. I am mad at him. He hurt me. How dare he send me a casual happy birthday as if we were friends. 1
Emilia Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 He was a nice man. We had an amazing time together. I had a hard time letting go of him when he stepped out of my life with no warnings. Hm, that's not the answer I was looking for :/ I think I would ignore it. Even if he feels bad I think the end result is the same, isn't it? NC is probably best. I'm thinking about texting someone on his birthday in December, I have done every single year for the last 4... but not sure whether I should. Probably best not to.
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I don't think you understand me. I am not asking if it means something. I am mad at him. He hurt me. How dare he send me a casual happy birthday as if we were friends. To be fair, you did ask us "WHY?" in your original post. I agree with Lauri. It just means happy birthday. That's all. Try not to let it get to you too terribly much. Even if you're still hurting and not over him yet.
SoThatHappened Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 To me, it means he's trying to relieve some guilt. People don't like other people being mad at them. If he's simply texting you "Happy Birthday" after ripping your heart out, he's just trying to test the waters to see if you're mad at him. Did you reply?
BC1980 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I think people do it because they feel bad. Last year, my ex actually had a gift sent to my house, and he knew he had broken my heart. He devastated me and misled me, and I think he felt guilt about that. He was trying to make amends in a ridiculous way.
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 to see if you were still on the hook.. ego boost to the max...
hazy_shade_of_grey Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You should be mad. Regardless of his "intentions" he should have been more considerate of your feelings and your healing. When a relationship is over and you've initiated NC that's how it should remain. Holidays, special events and birthdays are not an excuse to break this. I'm sorry he reached out.
Author Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 To me, it means he's trying to relieve some guilt. People don't like other people being mad at them. If he's simply texting you "Happy Birthday" after ripping your heart out, he's just trying to test the waters to see if you're mad at him. Did you reply? Yes I replied and thanked him for his wishes. I did that too quickly. Now I am thinking of emailing again and telling him that I do not want any politeness between us.
Author Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 To be fair, you did ask us "WHY?" in your original post. I agree with Lauri. It just means happy birthday. That's all. Try not to let it get to you too terribly much. Even if you're still hurting and not over him yet. I know it just means <happy birthday>. That is not the purpose of my question. I am asking why the need for random politeness? He thinks I will appreciate this? His birthday was in August, I did not send anything. He should have read this as I don't do politeness.
SoThatHappened Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Yes I replied and thanked him for his wishes. I did that too quickly. Now I am thinking of emailing again and telling him that I do not want any politeness between us. Never reply to ANYTHING unless: - You're completely and 100% indifferent about them - You need to tell them to stop contacting you 2
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I know it just means <happy birthday>. That is not the purpose of my question. I am asking why the need for random politeness? He thinks I will appreciate this? His birthday was in August, I did not send anything. He should have read this as I don't do politeness. He wished you happy birthday because he remembered it was your birthday. Not because he wants to get back together with you. Not to get a reaction from you. Not to confuse or torment you... He doesn't care how it effects you. If he did, he probably wouldn't have done it. Obviusly he doesn't think you feel anomosity towards him. Because you actually do, then simply put your mind at ease by messaging him that you'd prefer to not keep in touch with each other. And tell him goodbye.
Author Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 He wished you happy birthday because he remembered it was your birthday. Not because he wants to get back together with you. Not to get a reaction from you. Not to confuse or torment you... He doesn't care how it effects you. If he did, he probably wouldn't have done it. Obviusly he doesn't think you feel anomosity towards him. Because you actually do, then simply put your mind at ease by messaging him that you'd prefer to not keep in touch with each other. And tell him goodbye. He knows I have a lot of animosity toward him. He wrote to me in July and I burst at him and told him how much he hurt me and embarrassed me. He wrote back after a few days with an official apology for the way he had exited our relationship. I told him to go on with his life, it was part of the past now, he had his reasons, he did what he could at the time. I did not contact him ever again and not on his birthday. On my birthday he emailed asking how I was doing, wished me happy birthday and a wonderful day.
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 He knows I have a lot of animosity toward him. He wrote to me in July and I burst at him and told him how much he hurt me and embarrassed me. He wrote back after a few days with an official apology for the way he had exited our relationship. I told him to go on with his life, it was part of the past now, he had his reasons, he did what he could at the time. I did not contact him ever again and not on his birthday. On my birthday he emailed asking how I was doing, wished me happy birthday and a wonderful day. Have you considered changing your email? Or at least creating a folder that his emails will go directly to then you can set that folder to delete emails after a certain amount of time. That way you won't even know he's emailing you. If you already told him to leave you alone and he just won't, then what are you thinking of doing about it? Apparently he must feel guilty for what he did to you and doesn't want you to be mad at him. It's the dumbest thing ever! I hate that they are like that! Just leave us alone damnit!
Author Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 I did not tell him to 'go away', I thought by accepting his apology and telling him to go on with his life he would just do that. I am definitely still carrying a lot of bitterness. I wish it would go away.
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 (edited) Ya, that stage is rough. But it'll pass. I promise it will. Eventually. One of my favorite quotes is, "It won't last forever. Nothing does." Which is the truth. Well, do you want him to leave you alone? Do you really? I always told my ex to leave me alone and said goodbye like, 50 times but in my heart I didn't really mean it. I still loved him and loved knowing that he was thinking about me. That's a stage too. It passes like all the other stages of healing from heartbreak do. I remember praying to God almost every night to make my feelings for my ex go away. It was one of the saddest times of my life. Maybe even the saddest because I was completely head over heels for my ex and so in love with him. I've never loved anyone more than I loved him. I still love him. And maybe I always will. Only now, the pain of his absence doesn't hurt like it used to. It hardly hurts at all but sure, the pain still lingers. I carry it around in the background. Edited October 13, 2014 by me85 1
SoThatHappened Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I always told my ex to leave me alone and said goodbye like, 50 times but in my heart I didn't really mean it. I still loved him and loved knowing that he was thinking about me. That's a stage too. It passes like all the other stages of healing from heartbreak. Yep, same here. I think it's more common for us to want to hear from them, even if we're hurt/mad. I've been in NC for over 4 months now, but I admit I liked getting breadcrumbs. Especially the last one. At least she was thinking about me. I've also wanted to reach out to a former ex in hopes we could be civil toward each other. However, I dumped her, and followed the advice on here to NOT contact her. I really just wanted to relieve a little guilt for hurting her. I think that's what your ex is doing here. I carry it around in the background. Yep... sucks. At least it's in the background now and not as much in the foreground! 1
SoThatHappened Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I did not tell him to 'go away', I thought by accepting his apology and telling him to go on with his life he would just do that. I am definitely still carrying a lot of bitterness. I wish it would go away. If you get another breadcrumb from him, you need to tell him to not contact you anymore. Look what a simple email has done to you, 10 months removed. You're still hurt, and you're not yet indifferent. Until you're indifferent, no reason to stay in any form of contact, IMO.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Yes I replied and thanked him for his wishes. I did that too quickly. Now I am thinking of emailing again and telling him that I do not want any politeness between us. Bad idea. Don't double down on the contact. Leave it where it is and just don't respond again. 1
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 (edited) Yep, same here. I think it's more common for us to want to hear from them, even if we're hurt/mad. I've been in NC for over 4 months now, but I admit I liked getting breadcrumbs. Especially the last one. At least she was thinking about me. I've also wanted to reach out to a former ex in hopes we could be civil toward each other. However, I dumped her, and followed the advice on here to NOT contact her. I really just wanted to relieve a little guilt for hurting her. I think that's what your ex is doing here. Yep... sucks. At least it's in the background now and not as much in the foreground! LOL soo true! The first few months of my last BU was brutal. It took me at least 6/7 months to feel o k again. Then I felt good. Then I felt inspired. Then I felt great. Then I felt better than ever only having minor setbacks for merely hours at a time (and months apart) as opposed to major setbacks lasting for days or even weeks at a time...on the regular. But people have to see the bigger picture in life. This is your life. Make yourself happy. We cannot be dependent on others or seek validation for ourselves. That is not the way. It is wonderful to feel loved and be in a RS but it isn't everything. There's a lot more to life than romance. Love is the equivalent of drugs. It gets you high. You get hooked on it and dependent on it to make you happy. Well, that's usually why it doesn't work out. We get too dependent on it to make us feel good about ourselves and our lives. That kind of pressure ... well, think of jenga. Edited October 13, 2014 by me85 1
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