Jennavee12 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 It sounds like a situation that there could be 3 plausible answers. 1.) She seems to be giving off the vibe that she wants you when she wants you. Odds are, she has been talking to a couple guys, (most girls do this, but will never admit,) and she has no idea what she wants. She probably thinks you're attractive, but due to the other people she's been talking to, she wants to keep her options open. Maybe , she fights with another guy, and then she'll be flirty or nice to you, because she wants attention. Overall, this is someone you shouldn't even bother with. Why? If she wanted you, or wanted to make the effort, she would've done so by now. Since she hasn't, she's just using you for when she wants a 'pick-me' up. 2.) She doesn't like you that way, but she doesn't really know how to tell you. Girls are extremely complicated, and sometimes when they don't really like a guy they can be really reserved and cold; Other times they can be just overly nice, because they don't want to hurt your feelings. 3.) She likes you. She just doesn't know what she wants at all. Maybe she is talking to a couple other guys, but she doesn't know if you're worth her time. Not in a bad way, but maybe because you give off a player, or athletic look to you, she thinks you don't treat girls right. See, sometimes attractiveness gives all the wrong impressions, most people think you're a snot or a womanizer. (least when you're a male. I'm female. My opinion, because my current bf looked like a tool, and I totally thought he wasn't worth it.) She could also be wanting to be single, but she goes though phases of wanting to have someone, but is going through a depression. Honestly, be upfront with her. It's hard man, I know it is. No one wants to feel used, or pushed around, and it especially hits your ego when you think you're a decent and good-looking individual. Let her know how you feel, just send a text. I would say something likes this: I don't know if you know or not, but I do like you. I admire a lot of parts of your personality, and I've been trying to get to know you. But it feels like you aren't interested, or you just don't want to bother with a friendship. If you aren't , I'd rather know now. Or something like that, there's no point in guessing, and honestly I can say, if she truly liked you, and since she is a woman, and I am myself, she would've definitely made the move. I wish you luck, and please let us know what happens
Author CoolCat771 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 It sounds like a situation that there could be 3 plausible answers. 1.) She seems to be giving off the vibe that she wants you when she wants you. Odds are, she has been talking to a couple guys, (most girls do this, but will never admit,) and she has no idea what she wants. She probably thinks you're attractive, but due to the other people she's been talking to, she wants to keep her options open. Maybe , she fights with another guy, and then she'll be flirty or nice to you, because she wants attention. Overall, this is someone you shouldn't even bother with. Why? If she wanted you, or wanted to make the effort, she would've done so by now. Since she hasn't, she's just using you for when she wants a 'pick-me' up. 2.) She doesn't like you that way, but she doesn't really know how to tell you. Girls are extremely complicated, and sometimes when they don't really like a guy they can be really reserved and cold; Other times they can be just overly nice, because they don't want to hurt your feelings. 3.) She likes you. She just doesn't know what she wants at all. Maybe she is talking to a couple other guys, but she doesn't know if you're worth her time. Not in a bad way, but maybe because you give off a player, or athletic look to you, she thinks you don't treat girls right. See, sometimes attractiveness gives all the wrong impressions, most people think you're a snot or a womanizer. (least when you're a male. I'm female. My opinion, because my current bf looked like a tool, and I totally thought he wasn't worth it.) She could also be wanting to be single, but she goes though phases of wanting to have someone, but is going through a depression. Honestly, be upfront with her. It's hard man, I know it is. No one wants to feel used, or pushed around, and it especially hits your ego when you think you're a decent and good-looking individual. Let her know how you feel, just send a text. I would say something likes this: I don't know if you know or not, but I do like you. I admire a lot of parts of your personality, and I've been trying to get to know you. But it feels like you aren't interested, or you just don't want to bother with a friendship. If you aren't , I'd rather know now. Or something like that, there's no point in guessing, and honestly I can say, if she truly liked you, and since she is a woman, and I am myself, she would've definitely made the move. I wish you luck, and please let us know what happens -------------------------------------------------------------------------- " Overall, this is someone you shouldn't even bother with. Why? If she wanted you, or wanted to make the effort, she would've done so by now. Since she hasn't, she's just using you for when she wants a 'pick-me' up." "She likes you. She just doesn't know what she wants at all." I think it's somewhere between these two. I think I deserve more than to be someone's option. She's got to come to me at this point. I know for a fact that we would have been together if we didn't work together and I didn't need to play it so cautious. What kills me is that she'll never know the real me. She'll only know my work persona. I also know I can give her what she needs.
Jennavee12 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 -------------------------------------------------------------------------- " Overall, this is someone you shouldn't even bother with. Why? If she wanted you, or wanted to make the effort, she would've done so by now. Since she hasn't, she's just using you for when she wants a 'pick-me' up." "She likes you. She just doesn't know what she wants at all." I think it's somewhere between these two. I think I deserve more than to be someone's option. She's got to come to me at this point. I know for a fact that we would have been together if we didn't work together and I didn't need to play it so cautious. What kills me is that she'll never know the real me. She'll only know my work persona. I also know I can give her what she needs. And what makes life even more difficult is, we always want what we can't have. I think that you are struggling with the fact that she could be using you, and maybe she doesn't return the feelings. Rejection and people who play with emotions definitely leave a mark. At this point, she does need to be the one to make a move. But don't put the ball in her court, YOU need to be in control. You are the one who knows what you want, and she doesn't, but do not let her feel like she has the power. Even what might work is if you act totally disinterested. That drives us girls insane, because we want that control. As soon as you act like you don't care, and that you have other things to focus on, she will definitely notice. Seems like she already has shown that side before to you. Overall, just don't get overly attached. If she hasn't made a move yet, then that means she probably isn't worth it to begin with. It's hard to accept, but when something should work, or it's capable of working, it does. And if she really liked you, she would've asked you out, and continued talking. So at this point, it's like she wants the attention, but doesn't feel comfortable or overly interested in pursuing something. :/
Author CoolCat771 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 And what makes life even more difficult is, we always want what we can't have. I think that you are struggling with the fact that she could be using you, and maybe she doesn't return the feelings. Rejection and people who play with emotions definitely leave a mark. At this point, she does need to be the one to make a move. But don't put the ball in her court, YOU need to be in control. You are the one who knows what you want, and she doesn't, but do not let her feel like she has the power. Even what might work is if you act totally disinterested. That drives us girls insane, because we want that control. As soon as you act like you don't care, and that you have other things to focus on, she will definitely notice. Seems like she already has shown that side before to you. Overall, just don't get overly attached. If she hasn't made a move yet, then that means she probably isn't worth it to begin with. It's hard to accept, but when something should work, or it's capable of working, it does. And if she really liked you, she would've asked you out, and continued talking. So at this point, it's like she wants the attention, but doesn't feel comfortable or overly interested in pursuing something. :/ Hmmm should I mention a date with another girl? Not to her directly, but when she is around.
Diezel Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Hmmm should I mention a date with another girl? Not to her directly, but when she is around. If it's not true, I wouldn't do it. It'll come off as fake and feel forced and then you'll just look worse. How about you just focus on work when you are at work instead of high school games?
Emilia Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Hmmm should I mention a date with another girl? Not to her directly, but when she is around. No! Don't hurt her to try to take revenge or anything like that. It would be so unfair. Just because it went wrong you are going to treat her like shlt? No-one forced you to play around at work, in fact most people would have advised you against it. It's just as much your fault that you are stuck in something you don't like. She is all over the place, unstable, etc. Just try to ignore her and move on. Don't punish her for being different from what you want.
Author CoolCat771 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 No! Don't hurt her to try to take revenge or anything like that. It would be so unfair. Just because it went wrong you are going to treat her like shlt? No-one forced you to play around at work, in fact most people would have advised you against it. It's just as much your fault that you are stuck in something you don't like. She is all over the place, unstable, etc. Just try to ignore her and move on. Don't punish her for being different from what you want. But she doesn't give a **** about me and most likely has her own boyfriend right now. Why should I care what she feels? She can go to hell. She played around with me, remember that.
Author CoolCat771 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 (edited) If it's not true, I wouldn't do it. It'll come off as fake and feel forced and then you'll just look worse. How about you just focus on work when you are at work instead of high school games? No I'm saying to go out with someone else and the next time someone asks "how was my weekend", I be honest and say " I had a date" and why don't you relax yourself. Whose side are you on anyway? You're going to side with girl who has no respect for me? What's this double standard now? I love how a man's pain is worth less than a woman's relatively. Edited October 16, 2014 by CoolCat771
Author CoolCat771 Posted October 17, 2014 Author Posted October 17, 2014 And what makes life even more difficult is, we always want what we can't have. I think that you are struggling with the fact that she could be using you, and maybe she doesn't return the feelings. Rejection and people who play with emotions definitely leave a mark. At this point, she does need to be the one to make a move. But don't put the ball in her court, YOU need to be in control. You are the one who knows what you want, and she doesn't, but do not let her feel like she has the power. Even what might work is if you act totally disinterested. That drives us girls insane, because we want that control. As soon as you act like you don't care, and that you have other things to focus on, she will definitely notice. Seems like she already has shown that side before to you. Overall, just don't get overly attached. If she hasn't made a move yet, then that means she probably isn't worth it to begin with. It's hard to accept, but when something should work, or it's capable of working, it does. And if she really liked you, she would've asked you out, and continued talking. So at this point, it's like she wants the attention, but doesn't feel comfortable or overly interested in pursuing something. :/ Hey thanks again for the help with this situation. I appreciate not being judged by you, and I also appreciate you taking my side. I think I'm good now. Thank you. I feel a lot better.
singsparkles Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Maybe that's what I'm finding attractive. So curious. My question is, why are you finding emotional instability attractive? Maybe there are issues within yourself you need to work on... so then you can be attracted to the right type of person, no pun intended. Just saying... I think you are attracted to her for the wrong reasons instead of the right reasons. Maybe you like what you can't have and you like the chase... But that will never be love. It's a push-pull, hot-cold thing, exactly like I had with my ex... Those relationships are passionate, but never ever work out.
singsparkles Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 No! Don't hurt her to try to take revenge or anything like that. It would be so unfair. Just because it went wrong you are going to treat her like shlt? No-one forced you to play around at work, in fact most people would have advised you against it. It's just as much your fault that you are stuck in something you don't like. She is all over the place, unstable, etc. Just try to ignore her and move on. Don't punish her for being different from what you want. Yes, don't mention another date. That will only show her you care. You don't want her to think you care. Act nonchalant like your just work associates and put her to the side. Not worth all of that. It will only frustrate you more.
Author CoolCat771 Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) ............................................................................. Edited October 19, 2014 by CoolCat771 ................................
Author CoolCat771 Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) My question is, why are you finding emotional instability attractive? Maybe there are issues within yourself you need to work on... so then you can be attracted to the right type of person, no pun intended. Just saying... I think you are attracted to her for the wrong reasons instead of the right reasons. Maybe you like what you can't have and you like the chase... But that will never be love. It's a push-pull, hot-cold thing, exactly like I had with my ex... Those relationships are passionate, but never ever work out. I think its a question of pride for me. She won't let me in like other female staff members will. We have had many conversations about certain interests; I get the upper hand in many conversations inadvertently, then she grows cold. It's as if my intelligence is a turn off; but I'm not doing it on purpose. She seems very strange with her behaviour concerning me: She pushes me away, yet is noticeably shaken when I dont come to her. When I enter her space, she holds her breath. Gets all tense, even if I'm not talking to her, even if Im standing 7 feet from her. She cannot stand next to me without trembling. Gets jealous when I flirt with other girls. I've seen her interact with a few other guys that come into our work. There are usually superficial interests that they have in common, though there is often a heavy intellectual mismatch, or a looks mismatch. For example; one guy has brains and a cultural similarity, but no looks (this is the guys shes talking to); another guy that comes in has looks and makes decent money, drives a bike but is as dumb as bricks. I am very well-rounded, and she avoids me like the plague. I'm thinking that shes insecure; I am I right? I ask myself: What do they have that I don't insofar as her not even wanting to know me on a personal level? Why am I at the wayside? Edited October 19, 2014 by CoolCat771
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