ColaBucks Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Me and my ex boyfriend broke up about a month ago, the break up was initiated by him and his reasons were the same old 'I need time alone' 'I don't know what I want' thing, I have no idea what the real reasons were, but it came as a shock to me, and was very out of the blue, in my opinion. We only were together for about 2 months, but the relationship was intense, and I fell for him hard and fast. We met at our place of work, and we both still work there, only in different departments. The break up, was amicable, we didn't argue, I didn't beg him to change his mind, I didn't try and make him see it any other way, I was very upset and emotional, crying, but there was no begging, no telling him he was wrong, because whilst I thought he was wrong, and that we could work things out, I feel/know that begging is counterproductive. The breakup was left with me saying that talking would be too painful to begin with so he said 'Okay, I will wait for you to talk'. I had been going strong with NC for a whole month, it's been hard, a nightmare, but no huge problems arose until the past week, where i have become aware of his potential interest in other girls, which of course upset me a great deal, yet I still didn't contact him, because there would be no point. As I mentioned before, we work in the same place, him full time and me part time, and we only have one shift a week at the same time, which is all day on a Sunday. Whilst we work on different departments, I still walk past a lot, especially on breaks as to get to staff lockers, its hard to avoid him on the route there as it goes past his counter (we work in a grocery store/supermarket). When I see him working, he's most of the time busy and doesn't notice me, but when he does, he just takes a long look at me and smiles. Yesterday, at work, I had a moment of weakness when I saw him with another girl who works in the store, who is my age (I'm 18, he is 26) and she was giggling and laughing and it looked like they were flirting, I mean I can't jump to conclusions because I couldn't hear the conversation but it certainly looked that way. I saw this when running errands for my department, which involved me going back and forth to the shop's warehouse over around 15-minutes, and not much had changed between them and her demeanour in this entire time, and my emotions of anger, jealousy and sadness grew stronger each time I walked past. This was towards the end of my shift, and his finishes 30 minutes after mine, so as I was leaving, I was walking next to the girl, and they didn't say anything to each other upon her leaving, but I felt compelled to talk to him, so I approached him and did so. The conversation actually went well, he was warm, friendly, asked me about my new college, I'd recently got a new piercing and he was asking about that, as he wanted the same one, just general small talk, I remained upbeat and smiley throughout, and there was no mention of 'us', though he did say he was 'glad I was okay'. I know that this conversation means not much at all, but he could have been dismissive, could have told me he was busy, could have done the whole 'one-word answer' thing, yet he didn't, so I'm not sure what to make of it. Upon leaving my workplace, I broke down in tears, I dunno, I guess it was a new milestone in the break-up/healing process, because I didn't know what he thought of me, I was worried he was mad, worried he and I wouldn't ever talk again, so it was a mixture of relief and sadness that things are the way they are. Having the knowledge I'll be seeing him once a week for the foreseeable future isn't helping me really, but there is nothing much I can do to change it. Every week it's like one step forward, ten steps back, when I see him, see how gorgeous he is, and when I see him smiling at me. I want him back, of course, and I have no idea how to go about this. Some people think I have hope still, others think I should move on, and me myself, am conflicted, cos I believe me and him are an incredible match, and despite the short relationship, I have grown to have an immense amount of feelings for him! I just don't know where to go from here and could do with some outsider advice. I'm just sick of feeling so awful all the time. Thank you for reading this, its pretty long. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you
hazy_shade_of_grey Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 any chance you can change shifts of jobs? It sounds like he's moved on and any thoughts you may had were squashed during your conversation with him. If you keep your current work schedule you will continue to "see" him on a regular basis which will prolong the recovery process. Factor in your emotional state when you saw him talking with another girl. How would you feel if you saw him engaged in a PDA with someone else? I'm really sorry about your situation, I'm sorry it's so hard right now.
Zzyxx Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 any chance you can change shifts of jobs? It sounds like he's moved on and any thoughts you may had were squashed during your conversation with him. If you keep your current work schedule you will continue to "see" him on a regular basis which will prolong the recovery process. Factor in your emotional state when you saw him talking with another girl. How would you feel if you saw him engaged in a PDA with someone else? I'm really sorry about your situation, I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I would highly recommend what shades of gray said and see if you can switch shifts, or take on some work where you didn't have to see him. Not being around him really is on the only way to heal quicker. I know cause I'm also forced to interact with my ex because after she kicked me out of our apartment I had nowhere to forward my important mail, so I'm still forced to talk to her about it since I don't have a permanent mailing address. Even though we only e-mail, every time I talk to her I feel like dying a little bit. Literally the DAY I found a permanent place to live I know I will feel SO much better not having to speak to her as much (unfortunately we still have mutual friends so will be forced to see each other, but rarely thank God.) The sooner you can get away from him the better you'll feel.
SoThatHappened Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 It was a short relationship that you'll get over in due time. Right now you're hurt, but it will get better. A big thing that would speed up your healing process is to find another job as mentioned above. You're only 18, and obviously this isn't your career job. Seeing him obviously still hurts you. Just think about when he finds a new girl and she comes into the store to visit him and kiss him. Do you really want to see that? That's where the new job comes in.
irresolute Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 change shifts. He's not into you, he will never be. Sorry.
Author ColaBucks Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Thanks for the suggestions everyone, though I can't really change my job because they're so hard to come by, even part time stuff for people my age, and I'm incredibly lucky to have the one i have, plus its really convenient, my hours are at a convenient time, and its really close to where I live. I don't want it to be the case that he's pushing me out of a decent part-time job that suits me very well in every aspect except the fact he's there. As for changing my shifts, again, they work well around my other commitments and college etc. I could switch my Sunday to Saturday, but it would be pointless as he works both days, and Sunday is time and a half pay, which is a good bonus, and I can't work weekdays because I am at college. Looks like I'm just gonna have to get over it, give it time etc
irresolute Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I honestly dont think is that difficult to find a part time job is a grocery store. You want the job because you still have hopes he will change his mind.
Author ColaBucks Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 I honestly dont think is that difficult to find a part time job is a grocery store. You want the job because you still have hopes he will change his mind. It is hard to find one with decent pay, I'm in the UK, and like most countries, most people my age are on minimum wage, and i'm being paid well above it, especially on a Sunday. Plus I'm pretty settled at this job, get on well with people in my department and am generally happy. I know a person my age doesn't rely massively on an income, and money isn't everything, but i'm not gonna give up a well-paid job, that enables me to have some degree of independence, in order to 'escape' him It sounds like the logical thing to do, I know, but i don't want to do it for the above reasons
SoThatHappened Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I understand your reasoning as far as the logic involved. You got unanimous advice. Leaving a part-time job at 18 years old isn't going to change your life much at all. At least look for other part-time jobs that fit your schedule. Again, are you prepared to see his new squeeze come in and kiss him? The odds of this happening are pretty high, if not guaranteed.
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