danny12 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I'm really worried. I love my girlfriend A LOT. Thing is, I'm positive I love her. That will never change. I feel so connected to her. I didn't really have an infatuation stage with her. She was my best friend and I realized I just loved her. As for her, I know she had one..:I believe she did. Anyways I'm in fear. I'm worried that when her infatuation fades she will leave me. I'm worried she is gunna think that "she doesn't love me anymore because it's not like it's used to be". I know the difference between infatuation and love, idk of she knows. I tried explaining to her she said she understands what infatuation is. But I just have a feeling she doesn't. And when it ends for her (if it hasn't already) I do NOT want her to leave me because of it. I want her to understand that the love is there and this is where it is real, and grows stronger. Should I sit her down and talk to her about it or what? This girl is literly my life. I would marry her now if I could, she is just my best friend
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I only felt that way with someone who loves me as well. Best friends will allow for discussion, though you may blow her out of the water if she is completely in the dark. You can either tell her gently or never tell her at all... though you will find yourself kicking your Lilly white bahookie once she gets a BF, if you keep your trap shut. Even though I am shy, I never held such feelings, I always allowed for a way to explain how I feel, even if I may find difficulty in saying things gently. As too much at once can be a bit to take on unexpectedly. Good luck, and remember a best friend will understand you, and even though they may not feel the same, it won't mean you'll loose them.
Tik Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Careful buddy, you're going to have to reel your thoughts in and channel it into other things in life; career ambitions or a new hobby? If you let this obesession gather momentum, you could drive her away because it sounds very clingy no offence and from experience, no one likes a clinger. You also need some confidence in yourself. Know you're a good catch. The honeymoon period has ended for many a couple and yet they are still together. Love is not build on the chemical attraction that overtakes us over the few months we date someone. It's deeper. Work on fostering that on top of knowing you're two people wanting to build a life together.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 My last relationship dealt with this problem. I met a guy, got into each other pretty quick, within a couple weeks had began a relationship. Over the coming months I fell in love with him and he said he did too (he was the one to say ILY first) and I was really happy. Until one day when it all seemingly started going downhill quickly, and a week later he'd ended it saying he couldn't do it anymore and was too busy with work and couldn't cope and give me what i wanted etc. etc. etc. The guy was 26 and had never had a relationship before. I was the same age and had had a four and a two year relationship, I know what infatuation is and genuinely fell in love with him. We only had a six month relationship but it hurt a lot when it ended and I still can't bear to be in the same room as him and get anxious if I think I'm going to bump into him. I fell in love, because I know how that feels, and I know myself well enough to know that I'm pretty consistent once I'm with somebody. He thought he fell in love because it was his first taste of a relationship, but unfortunately after six months it fizzled, it burnt away and revealed itself to be infatuation. I wouldn't date a man again who had never had a relationship before, I don't want to be anyone's guinea pig. And usually, something is a little off if somebody has made it to their late twenties without ever having even a short half year relationship. So, I see your concern. But unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. Both of the times I've had relationships with men with no prior relationship history they've left me, but that doesn't mean to guarantee that every person who has their first relationship will end up behaving/feeling this way. If you love her you're just gonna have to ride it out and see how her feelings pan out, it sounds like if it went wrong it wouldn't exactly be a surprise. Don't sit her down and talk to her. No matter what you say, if her infatuation wears off then it wears off and no amount of 'warning' will change that, you realise? It will just freak her out and make her feel the weight of responsibility is on her shoulders, and make you look clingy and obsessive. You need to calm down and chill out and let the relationship run its course. By being more secure and easygoing you're increasing the chances she will want to stay with you. As another poster mentioned, believe in your own self worth and that you're a catch. You're probably going way too fast for her if you're actually telling her all of this stuff, please for the love of god don't mention that you'd marry her if you could! Let the relationship build slowly and don't try to run before you can walk, especially with somebody naive to relationships. Best of luck! 1
Author danny12 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 My last relationship dealt with this problem. I met a guy, got into each other pretty quick, within a couple weeks had began a relationship. Over the coming months I fell in love with him and he said he did too (he was the one to say ILY first) and I was really happy. Until one day when it all seemingly started going downhill quickly, and a week later he'd ended it saying he couldn't do it anymore and was too busy with work and couldn't cope and give me what i wanted etc. etc. etc. The guy was 26 and had never had a relationship before. I was the same age and had had a four and a two year relationship, I know what infatuation is and genuinely fell in love with him. We only had a six month relationship but it hurt a lot when it ended and I still can't bear to be in the same room as him and get anxious if I think I'm going to bump into him. I fell in love, because I know how that feels, and I know myself well enough to know that I'm pretty consistent once I'm with somebody. He thought he fell in love because it was his first taste of a relationship, but unfortunately after six months it fizzled, it burnt away and revealed itself to be infatuation. I wouldn't date a man again who had never had a relationship before, I don't want to be anyone's guinea pig. And usually, something is a little off if somebody has made it to their late twenties without ever having even a short half year relationship. So, I see your concern. But unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. Both of the times I've had relationships with men with no prior relationship history they've left me, but that doesn't mean to guarantee that every person who has their first relationship will end up behaving/feeling this way. If you love her you're just gonna have to ride it out and see how her feelings pan out, it sounds like if it went wrong it wouldn't exactly be a surprise. Don't sit her down and talk to her. No matter what you say, if her infatuation wears off then it wears off and no amount of 'warning' will change that, you realise? It will just freak her out and make her feel the weight of responsibility is on her shoulders, and make you look clingy and obsessive. You need to calm down and chill out and let the relationship run its course. By being more secure and easygoing you're increasing the chances she will want to stay with you. As another poster mentioned, believe in your own self worth and that you're a catch. You're probably going way too fast for her if you're actually telling her all of this stuff, please for the love of god don't mention that you'd marry her if you could! Let the relationship build slowly and don't try to run before you can walk, especially with somebody naive to relationships. Best of luck! But I feel like one way or another SOMEONE is going to have to tell her about it. I mean I have known this girl forever she is my best friend and my gf of 1 year. Last thing I want is for her to leave me. I just don't wanna get hurt, and I don't want her to make a stupid decision. I couldn't bare to see her with anyone else. It would break my heart.
Gaeta Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If she told you she knows the difference between love and infatuation then respect her intelligence ! You have been dating for 1 year, the infatuation period is already over. You are worrying for nothing. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 But I feel like one way or another SOMEONE is going to have to tell her about it. I mean I have known this girl forever she is my best friend and my gf of 1 year. Last thing I want is for her to leave me. I just don't wanna get hurt, and I don't want her to make a stupid decision. I couldn't bare to see her with anyone else. It would break my heart. You are panicking unnecessarily, then, I didn't realise that you'd been together a year. No, nobody has to 'tell her'. Usually the way you get to find out about infatuation is through going through it a few times, you can't tell by people speaking to you about it. I'd have sworn BLIND it was real true love when I've been infatuated. But a year is a long time, the infatuation period is almost certainly over, especially if you were friends first and she knows you well. Why are you worrying she's going to leave you and that she's infatuated when you've been together this length of time? You sound like you might be getting a little obsessive which isn't good.
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If you continue to worry about something for nothing your RS with this girl is going to take a turn for the worst. Don't let your insecurities ruin the good thing you have with her. 1
Assasda Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If this girl is literally you life, you are going to lose. She'll see through you and realize how weak you are then leave you. Do your girl, and yourself a favor, and get your own life. If you dont, youre on the fast track of being crushed
spiderowl Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I'm really worried. I love my girlfriend A LOT. Thing is, I'm positive I love her. That will never change. I feel so connected to her. I didn't really have an infatuation stage with her. She was my best friend and I realized I just loved her. As for her, I know she had one..:I believe she did. Anyways I'm in fear. I'm worried that when her infatuation fades she will leave me. I'm worried she is gunna think that "she doesn't love me anymore because it's not like it's used to be". I know the difference between infatuation and love, idk of she knows. I tried explaining to her she said she understands what infatuation is. But I just have a feeling she doesn't. And when it ends for her (if it hasn't already) I do NOT want her to leave me because of it. I want her to understand that the love is there and this is where it is real, and grows stronger. Should I sit her down and talk to her about it or what? This girl is literly my life. I would marry her now if I could, she is just my best friend Wow, this is one reason I don't end up in relationships. If a guy seems overly attracted to me and I can't believe my luck in him being interested, I back off and put the guy off. I simply don't believe he knows his own mind. I know that guys can be shallow and just chase for sex so that doesn't help, but if a guy is really interested I assume he will get over that 'crazy' phase and lose interest. It has happened before which affected me badly, though I know I was less enthusiastic about him and I don't blame him for opting out. But yes, I do understand what you mean. If you and this girl do have something meaningful, it will stay beyond infatuation. Until then, you'll just have to hope. Sorry I can't offer more comfort.
Author danny12 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 If this girl is literally you life, you are going to lose. She'll see through you and realize how weak you are then leave you. Do your girl, and yourself a favor, and get your own life. If you dont, youre on the fast track of being crushed I do. Sorry im just trying to explain I love my gf.. Sheesh
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