JackJackxD Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I'm the dumpee of the relationship of 2.5 years, and after it clear to her that I want to be more than just friends, I initiated no-contact and began to improve myself. Here is my mentality: "Take revenge on her. By revenge, I don't mean to hate her or to mess up her life. I mean take revenge on her for giving up on me and the relationship by being a better person. I should focus on improving on myself, and make her regret dumping me." My main goal right now is on getting her back, do you think this is the right mindset to be in? Sometimes I feel anger and hatred mixed in my emotions, and I don't want to be one of those guys who hates their Ex. What can I do to think more positively?
lauri Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 The best revenge is getting over them and living a good life. It doesn't matter if you hate your ex or you don't. Probability of you ever getting back with an ex is slim to none. They may come back but even if they do, chances of things changing for the better the second time are slim to none. I seriously wish I was wrong about it being over forever but I'm afraid that after my experiences and many others here, it is. All you can do is take revenge by living a good life and moving forward. You shouldn't be doing this for you ex BTW - you should only be doing this for yourself. 2
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I'm the dumpee of the relationship of 2.5 years, and after it clear to her that I want to be more than just friends, I initiated no-contact and began to improve myself. Here is my mentality: "Take revenge on her. By revenge, I don't mean to hate her or to mess up her life. I mean take revenge on her for giving up on me and the relationship by being a better person. I should focus on improving on myself, and make her regret dumping me." My main goal right now is on getting her back, do you think this is the right mindset to be in? Sometimes I feel anger and hatred mixed in my emotions, and I don't want to be one of those guys who hates their Ex. What can I do to think more positively? Once you do things out of revenge, it becomes a habit. Trying to show you are stronger by such acts shows you are weaker. Use your strength to move on, than letting your anger get the best of you.
loversquarrel Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 The correct attitude is to do the best you can day to day by moving forward with your life. The ultimate goal would be neither hate nor revenge but rather apathy. Chances are great that your ex doesn't think about you, so why think about them? Think about yourself and kick your own ass into a better you for the next person.
Stsm5934 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I didn't read your post, but I don't need to. The answer is no. Never. Being angry/hateful over what an ex has done only gives them a space in your life that they don't deserve. It's a natural part of the process, but DO NOT act on it. 1
Ronni_W Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 By revenge, I don't mean to hate her or to mess up her life. I mean take revenge on her for giving up on me and the relationship by being a better person. I should focus on improving on myself, and make her regret dumping me. It's the right steps to take, but for the wrong reason, with the wrong motivation. You do not want to get stuck in a cycle of doing things just to get some type of reaction out of her...which is the same as, just to manipulate some type of feeling within her. For instance, what if she does not regret dumping you EVEN AFTER all your self-improvement efforts? Also, the dictionary-definition of "revenge" is to desire to inflict or the act of inflicting hurt or harm on someone...bad karma for you, in those types of thoughts, feelings, desires. Which, I get that you're not intending it that way but still find a more positive term for your mindset and what you want/desire for yourself only (not for or about her).
mefisto Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I wanted to create revenge thread myself. But in my case, i want to have revenge not on my ex-gf, but on my ex-friend, who after 15 years of friendship has betrayed me hard. I can't get rid of this desire. He lives a so happy life with my ex-gf and i want to ruin him completely like he did that to me. It seems unbelievably unfair and i want to fix it. Will i be able to get over it? I am not sure.
Elias33 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Great advice all around. Also, start by forgiving, that'll be the most healthiest thing you can do for yourself right now. It really doesn't matter how you feel towards the other person, rather how you feel about yourself.
Arieswoman Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 JackJackxD, You might like this one ;- How To Get Revenge On A Cheater*|*Tracy Schorn and this; http://www.amazon.com/Chump-Lady-Survival-Guide-Infidelity/dp/149355400X%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAISK5BFCJ3XMGMXXQ%26tag%3Dthehuffingtop-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D149355400X Good luck 1
Chuck636333 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You and I are in about the same situation...I am 2 weeks out of a 7 year relationship...I myself hold resentment because she left me a year ago ( for good reason) but just as I was almost over it or at least functioning and starting to enjoy life again she begged for me back just to leave a year later and I did nothing wrong. But back to the question...I want the same thing you want I've always come close to getting into shape and I ruin it every time with her so I'm going to finally after letting myself get to a near sloppy point going to bust my ass and get in the best shape of my life because the personality and deep love was always there from my side. Also I'm going to do all the things she wanted to do such as hiking biking skydive vacation and post them to social media.Idk if she would want me back but if I can make her feel For a few moments how I feel right now...so until then I'm hiding under a rock until the big unveil
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If you want to get her back then move her. Let her go. You have to make her miss you and get to the point where she just can't stand not knowing what's going on with you...so she'll end up reaching out to you to find out. But you should always wait a long time before responding and always be short and vague. Not rude. Never show anger what so ever. But you have to go about your life as if she were never a part of it.
blackcat777 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I started taking pole dance classes (for fitness/gymnastic, not to be naked for strangers ). It is ALWAYS something I wanted to do that I said I'd eventually do when I had the time... and, well, now is that time. I have lots of time! In the first couple of weeks when I was so ripped up about my breakup, and I had all kinds of crazy thoughts that I knew I would never act on (hitchhiking to Mexico, joining a convent, taking revenge), I realized that ultimately all of the harm/escape fantasies were my mind screaming for change and being unable to cope with the terrible pain. So, what could I change? I could change what I was doing and start a new hobby, do something completely positive for myself. Now I have an outlet for all my emotions, something to keep me busy, something that I absolutely love doing... it's good. Does it double as the perfect revenge? Absolutely. At the end of the day, as long as I'm investing my time in positive ACTIONS, the mind will eventually follow (in the meantime, I'll think whatever I need to think to feel better). The pain is so gruesome, I decided to tackle it from a yoga standpoint. Discipline the body and the mind will follow. 1
Author JackJackxD Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 I started taking pole dance classes (for fitness/gymnastic, not to be naked for strangers ). It is ALWAYS something I wanted to do that I said I'd eventually do when I had the time... and, well, now is that time. I have lots of time! In the first couple of weeks when I was so ripped up about my breakup, and I had all kinds of crazy thoughts that I knew I would never act on (hitchhiking to Mexico, joining a convent, taking revenge), I realized that ultimately all of the harm/escape fantasies were my mind screaming for change and being unable to cope with the terrible pain. So, what could I change? I could change what I was doing and start a new hobby, do something completely positive for myself. Now I have an outlet for all my emotions, something to keep me busy, something that I absolutely love doing... it's good. Does it double as the perfect revenge? Absolutely. At the end of the day, as long as I'm investing my time in positive ACTIONS, the mind will eventually follow (in the meantime, I'll think whatever I need to think to feel better). The pain is so gruesome, I decided to tackle it from a yoga standpoint. Discipline the body and the mind will follow. I've started working out everyday, focusing on my studies too. I used to be the lazy person that would do the minimum, so I guess its good that I have changed that. However, when I'm not occupied with anything, my Ex just pops into my mind, one thought leads to another and I get upset all over again. Has this happened to you too?
shinealight Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 If you really want revenge ask her out for a drink *but don't tell her you are on a hot date with someone else*. You can either keep hating her and want to get your'e revenge or move on. Relationships end for a reason.
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