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26 year old guy and a 21 year old girl, too big of a difference in age?

Monstinato

By Monstinato
in Friends and Lovers

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Monstinato New Member

Monstinato

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Hello! I'm new around here, but have been reading quite a few posts today, and got the inspiration to ask for some advice myself. I'm in a situation currently that has me with some mixed feelings.

 

There's a girl I've known for some time, perhaps 8 years now, but I haven't hung out with her much over the years. When I first met her, she was about 13, and I was 18. Obviously at the time, that's just weird, let alone unacceptable for people of that age difference to be hanging out. I knew her however through her brother, so I had met her at his house a few times. Fast-forward to present-day, I'm 26, she's 21. I hang out with a group of friends who I've known since way back when I was in my teens, and we all still get along very well. Now, however, she is a part of that group.

 

We tend to all gather regularly as a group on the weekends, and I work long hours during the day, while she works long hours during the night, so we rarely actually see each other alone, its usually within the group. Lately, basically since she's turned 21, she's been making very obvious comments to me out loud amongst the group that imply she's interested in more than a friendship, yet, she does not make these kinds of comments to other guys, so I'm relatively certain she's interested. Further, she puts off a lot of other signals as well, such as touching me randomly on the arm, neck, trying to tickle me, etc. All of these things she only does to me. However, whether she is interested in me or not is not what I'm asking for advice on.

 

What I am more concerned with is the age difference. I find her very attractive, and we have a great deal in common, so we're able to sit and talk to each other very easily -- that "spark" is definitely there. I'm of course concerned about how successful a mental connection on a relationship level would be given our age differences, however, I am more concerned with the "perception" of those around us, her parents, etc. Is it OK for a 26 year old to date a 21 year old? Or is the age difference too great, at too young of an age? I understand that a 60 year old being married to a 55 year old is not a big deal, but this is a bit different..

 

It is also important to note that I am confident the age difference is not an issue to her at all, and I suspect her family is OK with it as well, since about 8 months ago she ended a 2-year relationship with someone the same age as me.

 

Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated.. Thanks!

agnf666 Established Member

agnf666

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I think that it is perfectly fine to date someone younger then you. She isn't all that much younger. I would go for it. If it turns out that it won't work out then , atleast you tried. Who knows this maybe the women that you may spend the rest of your life with or something. Don't listen to people that say that you are too old for her. IT's your life date who ever you want.

SuperFantastico Established Member

SuperFantastico

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uh oh 5 years. goddamn someone call the police. Once people pass the 20 year old mark, there isnt so much difference in age. If you can keep up with her danceclubbing every weekend and zipping all over the place with youthly vigor, then i dont see a problem.

 

It all depends on the indivituals too. I know people older than me that im more mature then, and i know people way younger than me that are much more responsible.

 

I see no problem with this at all......hell i'd date a 19 year old if i could, but im a dirty old man ha ha ha ;)

Beth Established Member

Beth

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I am more concerned with the "perception" of those around us, her parents, etc.

 

Why? You already said you think her parents would be OK with the age difference. What are you afraid of? I don't mean that in a mean way, but what is that you are afraid will be said?

greeneyedgirl23 Member

greeneyedgirl23

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I think that if you think that the two of you would be a good match, you should go for it! The one thing to think about is maturity levels. Is she experiencing "21" and partying it up right now? Or is she on the same level as you are?

 

I don't think age really matters, especially a 5 year difference. If you think that the two of you have a connection, who is anyone to tell you anything different?

 

Good luck! :)

Ms_Sweetness Established Member

Ms_Sweetness

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IT IS NOT A PROBLEM!! 21 and 26 is not a huge age gap. Go for it.

CurlyIam Established Member

CurlyIam

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My ex was 4 years and a half older. From the experience and maturity point of view, he was the best guy I ever dated. It rocked!!

 

And we started dating when I was 19! Follow your guts and ask her out! The hell with what everyone else thinks. My best friend at the time eloped withe her bf - she got married when she wasn't even 17. Everyone was on their case when they were dating, especially her family. The guy is 14 years her senior and guess what, 8 years later they're still married and still inlove! And her mom loves him to death!!

Jardin Member

Jardin

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My ex-husband is five years older than I am-- we met when I was 23 and he was 28. Age was never a problem. We had many similar likes and tastes, and grew to be best friends.

 

In my experience, it was usually people outside of our relationship who had a problem with the age gap, not us. And like most problems given to you by others, it's only your problem if you choose to make it so.

 

Good luck!

Stone Established Member

Stone

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My last b/f was 12 years older than me, nobody gave us a hard time about it and AGE was never an issue at all.

 

I think once you are an adult, age doesn't really matter anymore. Don't give a crap whant anybody thinks anyways. LOVe is LOVE :love:

Illusion24 Established Member

Illusion24

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My Bf is 19 and I'm 23....he's not even 21 yet and let me tell you I love him with all my heart

:love: ...He makes me feel so good and that's what counts ...so what like they told me before in my forum "does age matter" as you grow she grows...Yeah it's something to think about..like is she going to be ready when I'm ready...what if I can't put the age aside...all these things go through my mind but I can't live my life like that...if it doesn't work out I want it to be for a different reason not because he's younger than me...age is nothing but a # and when you realize that...you'll be happy with her!! :p

LittleMiss Established Member

LittleMiss

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I'm 22 and my bf just turned 32 this month. We are very compatible and have so much in common. We hardly notice the age difference. Neither does anyone else. I'm mature for my age and he is perfect for me. He also looks younger than he is. No one ever believes me when I tell them how old he is.

 

Age doesn't matter. If you two get along and have stuff in common (which is important) then go for it!

LittleMiss Established Member

LittleMiss

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oops double post!

agnf666 Established Member

agnf666

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Im 19 and the guy that I want to date is 25. So the age thing is not the problem. ust go for it what do you have to lose. Everyone is dating older people these days

Bronzepen Established Member

Bronzepen

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My rule of thumb is if the person your interested in is old enough to have given birth to you then I would not consider them.

 

But that is just me.

 

Love is blind and to each their own.

 

It's really up to you and how you feel about it, as well as, your partner. Don't worry about what other people think.

moimeme Established Member

moimeme

Posted
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My rule of thumb is if the person your interested in is old enough to have given birth to you then I would not consider them.

 

What about someone you're old enough to have given birth to? :laugh:

Bronzepen Established Member

Bronzepen

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Originally posted by moimeme

What about someone you're old enough to have given birth to? :laugh:

 

 

yes, of course it goes both ways. :laugh:

 

 

Too weird for me.

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Monstinato New Member

Monstinato

Posted
  • Author
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Thank you all for your input, I'm suprised the overwhelming majority of you responded in the same way, that age really isn't an issue here. Of course I'm still going through the motions of figuring out if we really click mentally enough to make it worth it, but the "stigma" problem I was worried about really shouldn't be a problem at all, you've all made me realize.

 

I'll be seeing her tomorrow night, and the following night, so we'll see where things go. Thank you all again for your input!

clynn Established Member

clynn

Posted
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I once heard this:

 

Divide your age in 1/2. Then add 7. That is the youngest you can date!

 

But, really, go for it!

 

 

Age doesn't matter! Sure, it is an influencing factor but how it influences is up to you!

 

Have fun!

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