lisaqwerty Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 hi guys i split up with my ex 3 months ago. we were together for 8 years. at first things were great. for the past 2-3 years we were arguing a lot and there was no moving forward. he drank too much i felt no attraction to him. we were not having much fun in general and barely talking. so we went out one night and with alcohol involved he attacked me (didn't hurt me or anything). i felt that that was it and made a decision to walk away. at first i felt angry then sorry for him and blaming myself for the fact things didn't work out. then we decided to keep it civilised and peacefully move on. since then he stayed around my new place and i stayed in our old flat several times too. i didn't want to get back with him but one night he fell apart started crying and telling me how lonely and depressed he is. so i stayed with him for nearly the whole week. then one night we were watching a movie. he fell asleep and his phone flashed. it was a text from a girl. nothing much much asking how the weekend was but i couldn't help but read some others. it hurt like hell...i know it was me who split up and i wanted this and i know it would have happened but it broke my heart. why does it hurt so much. i want us to move on i just wasn't ready and prepared for him to comfort himself by texting other women. how should i deal with this...i feel worse than her and don't even know her...i want him to be happy but i feel like i failed and like a complete idiot...i am so scared of the pain that is yet to come
Mr Scorpio Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 how should i deal with this... IMO, by limiting your contact with him to necessities (bills, items that need to be returned, etc). Any contact beyond that and you run the risk of re-opening the emotional wound. 8 years is certainly a longtime and you have plenty of reason to be in tremendous pain. However, you eventually must have a "final goodbye". It can't be final if you stay in contact with him. Personally, I always preferred not knowing that a particular encounter was going to be the last one. That way, the last encounter is already in the past.
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