LoverOfDance Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I feel like the men I'm attracted to just want me for sex and the ones I'm not attracted to are the ones that actually want something serious. Not sure what to do to change this -_-
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Don't sleep with men or put too much stock into anyone until they've proven themselves to you. Watch out for the signs more closely that a guy is only interested in sex. The decent ones will naturally rise to the top as you sack off the guys only interested in bedding you. Be ruthless. 7
spiderowl Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I feel like the men I'm attracted to just want me for sex and the ones I'm not attracted to are the ones that actually want something serious. Not sure what to do to change this -_- That's the story of my life! 3
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 If you are unwilling to settle for the ones that want a relationship with you (which is completely fine) be prepared to wait a while to find someone special. They are out there. My advice would be not to assume that any guy you like is just in it for sex. There is any easy way to figure this out, just don't have sex too early. 4
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I guess that sucks. But if you don't want to sleep with them, then don't. Then see what happens. Maybe some will stick around, some won't. Doesn't sound like too big of a deal. 4
SJC2008 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You can't change it, you need to be realistic in your expectations. It's common knowledge that men will sleep with women they won't date. Most average women can have a ons with a hot guy but won't be able to keep him. 2
carhill Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I feel like the men I'm attracted to just want me for sex and the ones I'm not attracted to are the ones that actually want something serious. Not sure what to do to change this -_- The ones you're not attracted to want to sleep with you too but they're more reticent about their approach. That's what mating is all about. We guys have male friends to hang out with and do stuff. Women are about sex and babies and propagating our genes. It's a numbers game. Over time, you'll meet a few amongst the multitudes who want to have sex with you whom you are both attracted to and whom want to also have a bonded relationship with you. It may happen tomorrow; it may take years; it may never happen. That's life! 1
TigerLilly78 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Just don't sleep with them for a while and when I say a while I don't mean one or two weeks I mean until it is clear they are not just in it for the sex most men wont hang out and wait unless they are serious about you. Also maybe give some of the other guys a chance as well just a idea I know every one has a type but some times it can be refreshing to step out of the boxes we put ourselves in.. 2
Dusk1983 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 That's because they know they can do better, but they'll convice you otherwise in order to notch up a lay. The key, I'm afraid, is for people to be more realistic about their own physical attractiveness and aim accordingly. 7
Chemist Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 That's because they know they can do better, but they'll convice you otherwise in order to notch up a lay. The key, I'm afraid, is for people to be more realistic about their own physical attractiveness and aim accordingly. Now if I could only figure out how to get hot girls to want to put a notch in their bedpost with me. Unfortunately, this is truth. People don't get into relationships because they feel just meh about someone. At least I don't. I only date girls that make me feel like I'm cheating the Gods. (not just in looks) I don't want to sound like a dick, but most guys will start to pursue girls based on looks, but only date someone with the personality to match it. It seems to me, that you're physically attractive but maybe have a hard time in the personality department? How are conversations with these guys? Fun, do you laugh? Do they laugh? Are they serious? I think guys get a wrap for being shallow, but we're not more so than women (you are a prime example of this). Physical attraction is just the start, and guys will sleep with a girl on that alone.
Author LoverOfDance Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 First of all, I just wanted to say thanks everyone for the replies. Secondly, I would like to say there's nothing shallow about wanting to date someone you're attracted to. If I end up in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to, I might as well call it a friendship since I have no desire to kiss or cuddle with that person. 4
Chemist Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 First of all, I just wanted to say thanks everyone for the replies. Secondly, I would like to say there's nothing shallow about wanting to date someone you're attracted to. If I end up in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to, I might as well call it a friendship since I have no desire to kiss or cuddle with that person. Sorry, I mean that men get a wrap for shallow, but women are just as much as men... comment was not to call you as shallow as men, but to say that everyone has their preferences and their requirements for attraction.
somedude81 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I feel like the men I'm attracted to just want me for sex and the ones I'm not attracted to are the ones that actually want something serious. Not sure what to do to change this -_- How do you know that the guys you are attracted to just want you for sex?
LoneIsland Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 How do you know that the guys you are attracted to just want you for sex? Mind reading skills.
shinealight Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I agree with the first answer, only thing you can do is wait. I am sure the right person is gong to come. Patience is the key .
Tayken Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You can't change it, you need to be realistic in your expectations. It's common knowledge that men will sleep with women they won't date. Most average women can have a ons with a hot guy but won't be able to keep him. True. Unfortunately though, OP stops short of actually telling us what she means by "that am attracted to" i.e. is she going after the hunk/looks guys and then getting what she deserves, or is she setting reasonable expectations and prioritizing what is important to her and not allowing herself to be hoodwinked? Some women will come on here and cry Wolf, and ignore the fact that the result is from their own doing.
ComingInHot Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 This is the most common problem I see among the perpetually single ladies these days. I know it's not an answer you want to hear, but you are basically trying to "date up." Many men will sleep with just about anyone when we are in the right mood, and we typically hit on women we would never date, because we know they are going to be much easier to get into bed. As a woman, you can easily have sex with guys who are better looking than you are. However, as you've noticed these guys don't want you for anything else. The choice is yours: do you want to continue being a masturbatory aid for some good looking guys who don't give a darn about you, or start to consider some guys who actually want something meaningful with you? Harsh and slightly misguided(unless you are that guy...please say no*) much? Sheesh that didn't sound constructive at all but quite DEstructive to someone who may be in a vulnerable and fragile place (which most are who come to LS). Enigma, you are so great and I really admire your posts and take tome to understand where you're coming from. So, unless you've got hardcore evidence that the OP is kibble, how do you know that is her stitch? Maybe it's where she's meeting these guys or maybe she just exudes sexual magnetism... Sometimes, I have seen women's actions scream f#ck me and they don't even know it
Cristo Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 First of all, I just wanted to say thanks everyone for the replies. Secondly, I would like to say there's nothing shallow about wanting to date someone you're attracted to. If I end up in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to, I might as well call it a friendship since I have no desire to kiss or cuddle with that person. Fair enough. Then don't complain when the men that you're chasing (ones that are likely attractive to many women, including those in a higher league than you) only want to sleep with you and nothing more.
Tayken Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Since she has a history of ONLY dating guys that want her for nothing more than sex, that's very telling. Sure, I don't know her, so I can't be certain, but my hunch says she is either trying to date guys more attractive than she is, or she has some other dealbreakers going on. The two types of women I usually see who run into this problem are either really overweight, or young single moms. @E32....There is something in this comment from you, and am leaning towards it also, especially the part in BOLD. Again, how many are willing to admit t on here?
ComingInHot Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Harsh? maybe. Misguided? I think not. I am not currently that guy, but I have definitely been that guy before, plus I know a bunch of other guys who do the same thing. I'm glad you generally appreciate my posts. I try to give my honest assessment of things on here. Over the years, I used to have a lot of problems dating, and I know a lot of people who still do. Sometimes my advice sounds nice, and sometimes no. I don't want to give nice sounding advice if I don't think it's applicable. Think about this: as a woman, if you are not attracted to a man, you probably won't date or sleep with him, correct? Many men work slightly differently. If we don't think someone is dateable, maybe they aren't as good looking as the women we normally date, or she has a ton of dealbreakers, we won't date them, but we will generally have sex with them. Maybe she is a young single mom and the guy doesn't want to date a girl with kids. Maybe she is just too overweight. Fact is, a lot of guys will sleep with women we aren't attracted to. If the Op had this happen one or two times, I wouldn't think much of it. Since she has a history of ONLY dating guys that want her for nothing more than sex, that's very telling. Sure, I don't know her, so I can't be certain, but my hunch says she is either trying to date guys more attractive than she is, or she has some other dealbreakers going on. The two types of women I usually see who run into this problem are either really overweight, or young single moms. I like that explanation. I think (for me at least), instead of reading and not getting past you got issues but guys will still do you but not date you, I was able to internalize you first explaining things that guys do (not my fault) to attracting these people (on purpose/my fault) but needing to make changes in myself to attract the people I like for relationships not just sex (again, mine to change)* ... by the way on boys humping just about anything...lol* and thank you Enigma
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Testosterone is a powerful hormone. I used to sleep around when I was in my early-mid twenties. There is actually a thread on here right now talking about this sort of thing. Guy says he had sex with a girl and is thinking of starting a FWB with her because he doesn't want to actually date her. I'm not gonna say it's cool for us guys to do this sort of thing, but we still do it. Before I met my GF I had a female acquaintance tell me to call her whenever I wanted her to come over and give me a BJ. She even knew I wouldn't date her, because she commented to me about how beautiful my ex was. She would rather come to my place, hang out for a bit, give me a hummer with no reciprocation, and go home, than date an uglier guy that actually wanted to be with her. True story. I find this fascinating...and slightly depressing. 2
ComingInHot Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Testosterone is a powerful hormone. I used to sleep around when I was in my early-mid twenties. There is actually a thread on here right now talking about this sort of thing. Guy says he had sex with a girl and is thinking of starting a FWB with her because he doesn't want to actually date her. I'm not gonna say it's cool for us guys to do this sort of thing, but we still do it. Before I met my GF I had a female acquaintance tell me to call her whenever I wanted her to come over and give me a BJ. She even knew I wouldn't date her, because she commented to me about how beautiful my ex was. She would rather come to my place, hang out for a bit, give me a hummer with no reciprocation, and go home, than date an uglier guy that actually wanted to be with her. True story. I'm awful. .. still laughing that I used the word 'humping' in a sentence Such a dork. Anyways, I get that there is an urge (trust me I have a thread on that...) however I will be discriminate unlike boys/guys/men whichever Night All!! CIH*
lovingone Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 That's because they know they can do better, but they'll convice you otherwise in order to notch up a lay. The key, I'm afraid, is for people to be more realistic about their own physical attractiveness and aim accordingly. I just watched The Amazing Race yesterday and was surprised to see that that female surfer who got her arm bitten off by a shark is now a newly wed with a handsome husband and they are competing on the show. Every one has different ideas about what is attractive( in spite of how THEY themselves look) so don't sell yourself short and at least try to go after whoever you want. If they aren't interested, at least you tried.
Cristo Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I just watched The Amazing Race yesterday and was surprised to see that that female surfer who got her arm bitten off by a shark is now a newly wed with a handsome husband and they are competing on the show. Every one has different ideas about what is attractive( in spite of how THEY themselves look) so don't sell yourself short and at least try to go after whoever you want. If they aren't interested, at least you tried. What's your suggestion then? That OP sleep with every attractive guy she meets and hopes that he settles down with her? It sounds like she's already doing that and it's not working very well for her. 2
Tayken Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Before I met my GF I had a female acquaintance tell me to call her whenever I wanted her to come over and give me a BJ. The first time this happened to me, it was a woman 5 yr older than me. After one banging session, she turned round to me and say..."this is yours anytime you want it", she even left her knickers behind. That was the last time for me The second time it was an acquaintance who wanted me to "hangout" (read: she liked my body and wants to explore it). It was my 1st experience of a 1hr BJ and this became a regular thing even though she knew that I'll never do LTR with anyone with multiple kids and without a professional career, she was more than happy to just "hangout".
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