kumar123 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Okay, so I have been friend zoned by this guy for the last 4 or so months. Before that, we did date, kissed, got sexual, all that. He said he just wasn't that attracted to me as he thought he was. When he met me there was chemistry and attraction (we could not keep our hands off each other) but it just fizzled out , but I realized what the problem was. I came across as very needy when we met (only with him, I have a great career, social life, good friends... I just was a bit too full on with him) and was overweight. So for the last several months I really tried to work on myself and tried to work on myself emotionally and physically... I've lost loads of weight and have new confidence. As a result, I've felt way better about myself, have received more attention from other guys, and so on. Well he noticed too, and in the last month his attention towards me changed significantly. I was the one person he got a gift for from his holiday. He started complimenting me more, playfully touching me, flirting with me, teasing me, etc. He would apologize for taking a bit of time to respond to texts, he invited me to a ton of events with him (usually one on one stuff), was very thoughtful. He usually extends our hang outs as long as possible so we can spend more time together. I saw him a few days ago and he even told me how you could meet the right person, but maybe something turned you off to them and it takes awhile for that attraction to build again. He mentioned several times this week how he wants me to meet his Mom and see his home. And when I saw him yesterday, he made me my favorite breakfast as a surprise. Mutual friends who see us together tend to assume we are dating. Anyway, I was pretty sure that he was starting to like me. Yesterday, we went shopping together for 6 hours and had an amazing time but then at the very end, I asked him "What's new..." and he tells me how he met someone a couple of nights ago, how he's known her for ages, but suddenly these feelings kind of hit him out of nowhere. He clearly did not want to tell me, and could tell it felt weird, but he said it just came out. They haven't kissed, dated and nothing has happened, and the girl was drunk. I know this girl and it's someone he has tried to ask out before (she ignored him) and he's had a bit of a crush on her. He just said they had a moment. After he told me, I tried hard to contain my emotions since I didn't want to come off as upset or jealous over this. I did mention to him that it was too much detail than I needed to hear (when he told me about this same girl in a few months back, I'd asked him to refrain from mentioning too many details about it to me). I then told him how I had dated other guys (which is true) but didn't mention it to him out of politeness. That conversation lasted for maybe a minute, and afterwards I was nice, polite, responsive, laughed at his jokes and put on a smile but I clearly wasn't completely me. He took me home and asked if I was okay, and I said I was. I asked if he was okay, and he said he wasn't and didn't want to talk to me about it. He seemed a bit angry actually. I left as nicely as I could saying thank you and being as cheerful as possible, but pretty much hastily leaving his car. Anyway, I haven't talked to him since yesterday and don't intend to reach out for a bit, but I am not sure how to proceed with all of this or even what to think. It is disappointing since many of the signs were there that his feelings were changing towards me, it seems like maybe I was wrong or maybe what he felt for the other person just changed things.
oberkeat Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 It doesn't sound like he has any romantic feelings for you, or is even in the process of developing any. I think he sees you as friends and nothing else. His mentioning this other girl may be his way of telling you as much, indirectly, so that you will quit hoping for his feelings to change and quit wasting your time. I think you should move on and find someone else. Frankly, if your feelings for him aren't mutual, he isn't the right one for you, anyway. Keep looking.
Dallers Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 You are a number 2. You were the number 2 before you made yourself better and still are. Yes he is showing you more interest because you have that sexual connection but as a guy you are still a number 2 compared to other girls. Even if you improved yourself in my opinion it does not matter, if I didn't like you before it will not automatically change for me that you have lost weight etc etc. Brutal but true. You should be changing you for you anyway. I lost 9 stone and quickly realised it actually made no difference, I somehow got more women before I lost the weight and got in shape. Irony. You need to make you number 1 in your life and stop chasing after a guy who didn't want you. This rejection is what made you change and you are now back at square 1 letting it eat you up inside again while you chase after him. He already knows you want him so the chase is over. Forget him, look elsewhere and when he does come back and realise he wanted you it will be you that rejects him. It is not easy, but it is always the same old story and outcome.
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