tuxedo cat Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Have another short term casting gig this week and I hit off with one of the girls working with me. We bonded over suffering from adult adhd. Since the day I first met her last Thursday she has been texting me constantly, despite the fact that we haven't worked together again. Every morning she texts "what are you up to today?" And a long conversation ensues. If I stop responding she will reinitiate an hour or two later. At first I was excited to make a new friend in the city but I'm starting to get a little puzzled/weirded out. Granted I haven't had many female friends as an adult so I don't know what is normal. She comes off as pretty straight so I doubt it's more than platonic. I've considered whether she's trying to use me since I have more experienced in the industry. What do you think? Should I stop engaging with her?
mammasita Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Are you interested in her as more than a friend?
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 If you don't want to talk so much just tell her. She may have not an ulterior motive, she might just like talking to you. 2
LoneIsland Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Just ask her straight what she's looking for. Otherwise it's going to stay confused like this. Often girls would be just as enthusiastic when looking for platonic, in which case you would make a useful friend.
noski Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I think she just enjoys talking to you .I'm not sure If she has ulterior motive.Well,try limiting contact If it bothers you this much but I don't think you should confront her or be nice about it
cerridwen Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) It seems excessive for such a new friendship. I text all day with Smile but have known her almost 4 years. Perhaps this person is lonely so I would be gentle. Answer the daily "what are you doing today?" with "a ton of things! I will try to catch you later. So much to do." And change that on days when you don't mind chatting. If she insists on continuing to text non-stop, don't feel pressure. Answer at your leisure. Edited October 12, 2014 by cerridwen 1
writergal Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) People with ulterior motives will bombard you with compliments all the time. You'll feel like the center of their universe for a honeymoon period, then BOOM, once they get what they want from you, they conveniently disappear, and seem to fall off the face of the earth. Watch her words and her actions. If her words and actions don't align, then she's not trustworthy and is possibly using you to get more connected in the fashion industry through you. It happens. Observe yourself when you chat with her via text. Do you feel annoyed? Do you like hearing from her? Do you feel pressured by her or do you enjoy the long chats? There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries. All healthy relationships need boundaries. If you don't set those early on, people can take advantage of you. So, just tell her you don't have time to text-chat when she initiates it again, and tell her you'll catch up with her later some time. Just because she texts you every day, doesn't mean you have to reciprocate, especially if you have other things going on that require your attention. It's your basic "actions speak louder than words" adage in play here. Nothing wrong with having your guard up until you think you can trust her. Don't give out your professional contacts to her right now, even if she asks you for references. Keep your business and friendship separate, even though you both work in the same industry. Edited October 12, 2014 by writergal
gaius Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Just ignore the texts when you don't feel like engaging her and respond when you do. Don't let her enslave you by exploiting your desire to be polite. If she can adjust to your more limited contact then all is good. If not then you're not right for each other and it will naturally fizzle out.
Author tuxedo cat Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Are you interested in her as more than a friend? No. ----
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You'll always encounter one friend like this, who's pretty on top and overshares to a certain degree. Maybe they see your reserved demeanor and see you as someone who will accept their consistent presence. I've had many friends like that, and because being a nice and accommodating presence tends to attract people like that, you will get those who will take advantage. Saying that, I would reinforce some boundaries, iterate your busy schedule and speak as and when you can/wish. Take time to open up more, and just gently let her know that you have other stuff going on and can't always talk. Other than the OTT stuff, is she pleasant company for you in general? 2
LoneIsland Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 No. ---- Good. Then you can put her in your friend zone.
cerridwen Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I like most of this advice. However, I'd resist the urge to give much concern about her motivations. I'm not sure how being suspicious of them serves you. IME, people who are hypervigilant about such things often wind up defensive and somewhat bitter as they look for hidden slights or ulterior motives in any and all that approach them. Nurture a more compassionate part of yourself. Assert your boundaries but don't think the worst. 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Other than the OTT stuff, is she pleasant company for you in general? Yeah, I like her as a person. 1
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