ariesgirl-328 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 It's nearly a year and a half since he broke up with me after a short 4-5 month relationship... The relationship was soooooooooooo short but I somehow fell soo in love with this man back then. And I still think about him several times a day, I wonder about him, I wonder if I'll hear from him, I think of our conversations and memories even though we've basically been NC for a year now with a little contact from him every few months that I brush off(Currently its been 4 months since I've heard anything from him)... It's true that I did not really find this ex fully physically attractive until months went by and he became my everything, but then everything about him looked so perfect. The problem now is that a new guy I'm interested in looks very similar to him in terms of facial features( even my friends have pointed this out wearily....) so I don't know if I actually like and should pursue this guy or if I'm just interested because he looks like my ex(I don't think this is the reason but idk) But my question is, even though I think about him much less now and I've improved on my life and become a happy person again, I still miss him alllllll the time and think about him so much.....Is this normal? and when will it end...... and more than just staying busy, is there anything I can tell myself in my head whenever I think of him that will help me see every time clearly that hes never coming back and it's over forever and move on?...
littleblacksubmarine Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 It really depends on what you consider NC. If you still look at his social media, have mutual friends that talk about him, or look at pictures or old messages from him, then you are still 'in contact'. These things will help to keep him fresh in your memory and prevent you from moving on. If you are doing NC fully as described in the guide then your problem may be that you believe that you can get him back. You may also have idealised him, convincing yourself that he is the best you will ever get. It's not unusual to still be hung up on an ex after so long, but it is if you're practicing NC properly. If you give me more of an idea of how much 'contact' you've had with him I can maybe suggest why you can't stop thinking about him 2
Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I agree that complete and total No Contact is the best remedy for this. I broke up with my ex almost a year ago, and after the period of No Contact I requested was over, he got in touch via e-mail and text to wish me a happy birthday. After that, we had a few phone calls, and he contacts me now and then via text for a friendly check-in. But I'm realizing I have to stop this, as it's just prolonging the process of letting go and making it more sad. He haunted my memories for a long time after the breakup, and him getting back in touch only brought back the ghost. I was happy to hear from him, and I'm glad we were able to put aside our differences and be friendly. But at this point, there's nothing for either of us to gain by continuing this communication. If he contacts me again, I'm going to tell him I think we should break off contact again for a while, as it's too sad for me. No Contact works best for me when it's truly, 100% NO CONTACT. That means no phone, e-mail, or text communication, no social media connections, no Googling him, no looking at old pictures, no intentionally listening to our songs, etc. Personally, I feel much better about any of these things once I've moved on to another relationship and am no longer holding onto even a slim hope of being with him again. 4
BC1980 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 You mentioned that you've had a little contact every few months. Even something seemingly insignificant can pull you back. After 6 months of NC, my ex sent me some of my things in a box with a note from him. I never responded, but even seeing his handwriting on the note made my stomach turn a little. It just brought back memories. I think you'd have to be completely moved on to have even sporadic contact from an ex, but many people never reach that stage. Only you can be the judge of your ability to handle contact, but I think it's pretty clear that your case needs to be NC. I have one ex with whom I've had sporadic contact, and it doesn't bother me one bit. My recent ex, heck no. I don't see myself being able to have contact with him in the near future, and I wouldn't want to anyway. It ended on a very bad note, and I have a lot of ill feelings for him. The other ex, it was pretty much mutual, and he never did anything to truly hurt me or betray my trust. 1
Author ariesgirl-328 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you all for the input. I guess it turns out that my "NC" has not been real NC because I have been looking up his social media every once in a while but since it is all private and I can see absolutely nothing about him and his life, I thought it was no big deal. Also, my favorite music reminds me of him and I listen to it all day. I really have to change to get past this. :| Time for even more NC
tikay00 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Yeah, listen to everyone in here. Even the slightest little reminder of my ex has me getting the emotions back. Gotta go cold turkey. If you can get past day 4-5 of cold turkey NC, then it'll be somewhat smooth sailing from there. Let me warn you though. Around day 5-6 is when it kind of kicks back in, and you get that itch back, but then after that, it's back to somewhat smooth sailing.
irresolute Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Yeah, listen to everyone in here. Even the slightest little reminder of my ex has me getting the emotions back. Gotta go cold turkey. If you can get past day 4-5 of cold turkey NC, then it'll be somewhat smooth sailing from there. Let me warn you though. Around day 5-6 is when it kind of kicks back in, and you get that itch back, but then after that, it's back to somewhat smooth sailing. Seriously? Day 5 or 6? this made me laugh so hard, omg! Listen, OP, do not sneak into his social media. Do not listen to the music that reminds you of him, and when you start thinking about him again, ask you this question: Do I really want to waste my time in someone who doesn't want me nor love me? Do you really think he's interested on you after one year? Men who want to be with a woman move mountains to be with her, and can't wait to be with her. Forget about him, and live your life. Oh, and related to no contact. It's not day 5 or 6, it's MONTHS you'll have to fight with the urge of sneak on his social media or contact him. MONTHS. But it will eventually get better. 2
AaronSG Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I have been looking up his social media every once in a while but since it is all private and I can see absolutely nothing about him and his life. It's been close to 6 weeks since I deleted my Facebook account, why did I delete my account? To keep myself from doing what you are doing, and that is the occasional temptation to check my ex-fiance's Facebook page. Granted, she had removed me from her friends list, and set everything to high privacy settings, but even with that I could still see her cover photo, her profile photo, and anything else that might have been set to "public"! About 2 weeks after our breakup, just by her cover photo alone, I could tell her family had taken her to a lake, and that she was fishing. This floored me because I had wanted to take her fishing, had plans to before she broke up with me. To me it was a "cheap shot", her way of advertising that even without me, she still gets what she wants, and that was going somewhere and fishing. I had to come to the painful realization that I couldn't do this anymore, even simple thing's as a cover photo hurt me. So I decided to just go ahead and delete my Facebook account, as the start of my "no contact" journey. I would do the same, it removes temptations, it removes the chance of hurt feelings, it removes the other party from looking in on you, plus it gives you more freedom! Don't have to keep updating it with telling the world what you had for breakfast! 2
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