ThisisIt606 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I posted about this guy before, but a brief run down: I met this guy on a paid online dating site. He's 36 and I'm 26. From my profile it is very clear i'm looking for a LTR and nothing casual. On our 2nd date he told me he wasn't into hook up (in the context of me explaining Tinder to him). He said he's not big into social media (just a FB and LinkedIn) and he's not a big texter. We had 5 dates all initiated by him. 1) Dinner and cafe after 2)Bowling and drinks after 3) Drinks at a lounge 4) movie at his place- I slept over and NO sex 5) Movies and dinner at his place- did not sleep over. Also he introduced me to his mom and brother who were visiting. He seems to really like "low key" (uses that term often) activities and enjoys watching movies at home. He told me he would be in the country for the next 2 weeks and we could "text until then" he also said it would be awhile until he saw me again and seemed sad about that as he was dropping me off after our last date. The next morning he texted thanking me for coming over and it was nice to see me. He also said he missed my kisses already. He's been away for about a week now. I've initiated texting both (2) times. He's responded, asked questions, and kept convo going even when I didn't ask questions. He also sent me some pics (5) of him and his brother's dog since we both love dogs. My last text was about checking out a local new movie theater which has extra comfortable seats. He responded saying it sounded like his kinda theater and he would "love to check it out". BUT he went onto say he has a soft spot for "his name" Max theater on "his street". AKA watching a movie at his place on his temperpedic bed. And that the cozziness and comfort factor are hard to beat. He never really tried to have sex both times I went to his place, but did stick his hand down the back of my pants, which I pulled out both times. He also (sorry for graphicness) LICKED me over my PANTS (??) yes weird, but my pants never came off. Anyways, this is day 4 of no contact via text. He's still away for about 2 more weeks, the last week he will be out of the country with no cell service. Should I bother with him anymore? I hate being the one to initiate all texts, especially since I made the movie suggestion to him. It's still early and i don't want to pursue him. He was very into pursuing me while he was here. He also said he liked how cultured I am. Should I just wait until he comes back to text something like: "Hey! How was ___? I bet you've got a lot of great stories?" Or just say nothing from here on out unless he texts me? When he was HERE he would literally text me things like "just checking in, wanted to say hi" and then set up a date. So idk if it's just the distance/long time away that he doesn't feel the "need" to text or if he's just not interested anymore?
Diezel Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 You're posting a little too much about a guy you have barely met. I think you need to occupy your time a little more to distract you from this. He's having no trouble in doing the same. He is away for three weeks and god knows what's going on that he either isn't texting or can't. Can't you just wait until he texts you first? And then go from there? It sounds like you are thinking this a little too much. 2
PinkCarnations Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 He's compartmentalizing. It's a guy thing, and as a girl, I wish I was better at it. Basically, he's busy focusing on other stuff, and he's not really thinking about you while he's away. You should do the same. Whenever I'm into a guy, I have a tendency to go back and analyze all of our dates to see where things are going just like you. Meanwhile he's out living his life without much thought about your 'semi-relationship.' Keep busy. If he contacts you, great. If he doesn't, who cares. You have other stuff to worry about. I got this advice from a guy by the way. 2
Dallers Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) He's compartmentalizing. It's a guy thing, and as a girl, I wish I was better at it. Basically, he's busy focusing on other stuff, and he's not really thinking about you while he's away. You should do the same. Whenever I'm into a guy, I have a tendency to go back and analyze all of our dates to see where things are going just like you. Meanwhile he's out living his life without much thought about your 'semi-relationship.' Keep busy. If he contacts you, great. If he doesn't, who cares. You have other stuff to worry about. I got this advice from a guy by the way. You are not alone in this way of living in terms of relationships. I am a guy and on the outside I play the completely cool and collective male, the distance thing and have my own life, things are great. But in my own free time I analyse and over-think everything in exactly the same way. The difference is that girls do not see this because I do not let it show. If you can do that then you can be just like this guy OP is mentioning but still be the you that you cannot change. Edited October 12, 2014 by Dallers 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 So he did text and maybe seemed a bit alarmed/concerned I havent' contacted? On day 5 of no contact He texted: Hey, hope you're doing well. ??? I'm doing fine, just busty today with packing and such... getting ready to head overseas. Texing may not be possible or cost effective so feel free to email me at__________ I responded that i was doing well/crazy busy past few days with setting a moving date. I told him good luck with packing and asked when he was leaving for over seas. He responded: thanks. head over now. then to ___ on sunday. Congrats on the move. Very happy for you. * as a side note i'm not moving far at all,still wtihin the same city/neighborhood and he knows that. I also told him Thanks! and to have a good flight. My friend said NOT to email him and wait until he emails me. Do you agree? I feel like its OK to email him at this point. He reached out after 4 days of no contact. Should I still sit back and see if he comes to me again?
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Seems to be he's the one who's done all the work so far. He initiated the 5 dates, he initiates contact and you don't seem to be reciprocating equally. Yes you let a guy come to you at first but at some point you've got to show the man a clear interest on your part. Let him take care of business over there, one more week is not gonna make it or break it, it's just a week. Try to be a little more demonstrative. 1
cristalina Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Email him. He wants you to, asked you to, and it would be rude not to. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 The man point blank told you that he doesn't like social media or texts. Believe him & stop getting annoyed that he isn't employing those techniques to keep in touch with you. If you want to speak to him, pick up the phone & call him. Otherwise the pace of your dates seems OK to me. He's introducing you to important people in his life. Although he tried to move things forward sexually he backed off & respected your boundaries when you said no. You would be more annoyed if he didn't try at all; you'd be on here asking if he liked you. He's away. That changes the dynamic. If he's away for work he may have a ton of meetings & smoozing to do. See what happens when he comes home. To dump him because he went on a trip scheduled before he ever met you is ridiculous. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) OK, that's what i was planning on. I initiated the two times we talked when he was away via textthe first leg of his trip and also suggested we check out a new movie theater in our neighborhood. Edited October 14, 2014 by ThisisIt606
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