Feelings of bitterness, anger, jealousy, and the sting, it pisses me off

[Apaige]

I will be divorced two years this March. I lost everything but the most important thing to me, and for that I am thankful, but I am angry, bitter, hurt, and jealous. In a span of three short years, I've gone from being married, with a beautiful home, and a family, to my family being torn apart, shuffling kids back and forth, trying to explain to the children that "we" did what was right, defending myself for going a long with the divorce, covering up for my cheating ex husband, losing my home, struggling even with alimony...but I question how that POS EX of mine can carry on with his life smelling like roses. I just found out that he is buying a beautiful new home with his GF that is half his age...I am sorry but it infuriates me to think that he is happy. I am mad that I am left with so much worry, and he gets to be happy! I wanted him miserable, I wanted him to see what a mistake he has made. And might I add, that this is the same guy that beg to come back just three weeks ago...what is wrong with him? I don't want him back, and if it makes me an ugly person for wanting him miserable, well I don't know! But it just boggles my mind to think that he's happy!! He should be miserable!!

[ComingInHot]

I will be divorced two years this March. I lost everything but the most important thing to me, and for that I am thankful, but I am angry, bitter, hurt, and jealous. In a span of three short years, I've gone from being married, with a beautiful home, and a family, to my family being torn apart, shuffling kids back and forth, trying to explain to the children that "we" did what was right, defending myself for going a long with the divorce, covering up for my cheating ex husband, losing my home, struggling even with alimony...but I question how that POS EX of mine can carry on with his life smelling like roses. I just found out that he is buying a beautiful new home with his GF that is half his age...I am sorry but it infuriates me to think that he is happy. I am mad that I am left with so much worry, and he gets to be happy! I wanted him miserable, I wanted him to see what a mistake he has made. And might I add, that this is the same guy that beg to come back just three weeks ago...what is wrong with him? I don't want him back, and if it makes me an ugly person for wanting him miserable, well I don't know! But it just boggles my mind to think that he's happy!! He should be miserable!!

 

Your post is painfully honest in this moment that you feel this way. You may very well have moments like this for a long time.

I think your goal should be to have these moments BUT don't string the moments together and allow it to become your way of life.

How can you ever achieve any kind of happiness if you stay in these moments, right?

I'm sending you a virtual ((hug)) filled with happiness and hope*

CIH*

 

...on my evil side, I hope the young woman gets warts*

[Movingforward2]

Great post. Glad you can get it off your chest.

 

Sometimes I feel the same way. My XW rides around in the car I bought her, in my house that I'm still paying for, as she collects her child support that she spends on weekends hitting bars. It pisses me off.

 

But I've made it 15 months and gotten in the best shape of my life, and I'm getting through it. Yeah, it still hurts, but it's going to get better. I don't know when, but I can't wait. And I'm going to shove it in her face every chance I get.

 

Keep the faith girl.....hang in there.

[jakrbbt]

It's your own brain hurting you, not your irrelevant ex and his bimba. You do not know that he is happy. Nor do you know that the things he has would make him (or anyone) happy. Buying a house is stressful. Coping with a new relationship when you're still dealing with the fallout of a divorce is stressful-- particularly if your new relationship is confused by being a cheesy status symbol. Annoying. (For him probably as well as for you.) This guy has to live with being him-- Would you want to be him? Seriously, would you? You'd want to be him instead of you?

 

For perspective, I discovered some years ago that an ex of mine thought that I was laughing to the bank, living the high life, just happy and fine while he suffered. I most certainly was not. He had no idea. Yeah, he pointed to certain aspects of my life, but we can alwasy see what we want to see. His assumptions about me were nothing more than an expression of how he himself felt, about his own situation. He could not grasp the value of his situation without comparing it to that of others. Therefore, he couldn't let himself grieve I guess, without saying that someone else was doing great. You're not necessarily the same as that guy, but I jsut wanted to point out the possibility. Your ex is exactly as happy as he's ever been, most likely-- no more and (unless he's still suffering from the divorce) no less. Money doesn't do that much to change happiness, unless you go from genuine poverty to security.

[Crossroads66]

And might I add, that this is the same guy that beg to come back just three weeks ago...what is wrong with him? I don't want him back, and if it makes me an ugly person for wanting him miserable, well I don't know! But it just boggles my mind to think that he's happy!! He should be miserable!!

The fact that he asked to come back three weeks ago, when supposedly he is leading a charmed existence, suggests he is indeed not happy. But you wanting him unhappy - only serves to hurt you. Forgive him. Not because he deserves it - but because you deserve peace.

[No Limit]

The only reason your ex is happy is because during affairs certain hormones are produced much more than in the "normal life". And someone whose goals in life are as low as having sex with random girls... sorry, I think he's just a bit too low for you.

 

For example, let's say you would be the happiest human being in the world every time you sit on your sofa because that's the only thing in life that matters to you. You'd be more happy on the outside too, eh?

[Apaige]

The only reason your ex is happy is because during affairs certain hormones are produced much more than in the "normal life". And someone whose goals in life are as low as having sex with random girls... sorry, I think he's just a bit too low for you.

 

For example, let's say you would be the happiest human being in the world every time you sit on your sofa because that's the only thing in life that matters to you. You'd be more happy on the outside too, eh?

 

I suppose! I just really wanted to beat him to the punch. I didn't ask for any of this, I didn't ask to have my house taken from me, to go into a foreclosure. It just pisses me off, that I lost so much. Yes, I have my children, but I know that a day will come that at least one of them will want to spend more time with him. So I will always have that looming in the back of my mind too. : (

[DSP]

I wanted him miserable, I wanted him to see what a mistake he has made. And might I add, that this is the same guy that beg to come back just three weeks ago...what is wrong with him? I don't want him back

 

I'm going to tell you right now from the perspective of a man. If he came back to you after two years, has rebuilt his life, has a nice new house and younger wife and even hinted he wanted to reconnect with you he isn't happy with his current woman/situation. That is the brutal honest truth. Something triggered him to come back to you and it wasn't a happy day at the park riding around smiling. It was bad. He knows this is his future now and he reflected.

 

You won...

 

The resentment and be honest that is what this is; is just going to eat you alive. The only positive benefit to resentment is anger and anger is rocket fuel. Use it wisely for positive building.

 

Younger women are not for settling down they are for good times and mind erasers.

[bathtub-row]

Sometimes it becomes important for us to look at why we are where we are by looking at our choices, because our choices tell us a lot about what we value. The reason I say that is because you made choices that were probably not at all comfortable for you but you made them anyway because you have underlying ethics and a code of conduct that you cannot destroy. That's important because your core character is what holds you together and what allows you to look at yourself in the mirror each day without regret or shame.

 

So, despite all the rotten wishes that are floating through your head, your good character keeps you from doing crazy things and it keeps you from demoralizing your life and the life of your children. And, believe me, that is HUGE. Those are things that can't be replaced in a fire. It's something that foreclosure can't touch. So, despite the losses - and I know they're big - you still have your dignity and character intact and that's worth more than you may be giving yourself credit for.

 

I say stop focusing on what you think he's doing or feeling. He's probably a big emotional mess. The fact that he came back just 3 weeks ago speaks volumes. This is not an emotionally stable man. But you can take care of you and you can take care of your kids. You should take a lot of pride in that, no matter what you think. Kids don't care about big houses or foreclosures. They care about love and stability. You're giving them those things. And you have the ability to change things. No need to worry about what their dad is or is not doing.

 

I know it's not always easy to let go of those things but, once you're able to do that, it's very freeing.

[No Limit]

but I know that a day will come that at least one of them will want to spend more time with him.

 

No, I doubt that to be honest.

[Miss Clavel]

I will be divorced two years this March. I lost everything but the most important thing to me, and for that I am thankful, but I am angry, bitter, hurt, and jealous. In a span of three short years, I've gone from being married, with a beautiful home, and a family, to my family being torn apart, shuffling kids back and forth, trying to explain to the children that "we" did what was right, defending myself for going a long with the divorce, covering up for my cheating ex husband, losing my home, struggling even with alimony...but I question how that POS EX of mine can carry on with his life smelling like roses. I just found out that he is buying a beautiful new home with his GF that is half his age...I am sorry but it infuriates me to think that he is happy. I am mad that I am left with so much worry, and he gets to be happy! I wanted him miserable, I wanted him to see what a mistake he has made. And might I add, that this is the same guy that beg to come back just three weeks ago...what is wrong with him? I don't want him back, and if it makes me an ugly person for wanting him miserable, well I don't know! But it just boggles my mind to think that he's happy!! He should be miserable!!

 

 

oh, sweetie, it ain't over till it's over. and this ain't over. just sit back, relax, live your life and remember the "other shoe" always always drops, usually with horse**** stuck to it.

 

p.s. the only reason IMO that they try to get us back is because their cheap and they don't want to pay their alimony/child support.