beauty0815 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) I met a guy off of a dating website whose relationship goals were "to get married" Before I gave him my number we talked for a few days then started to text . He wAs very nice talked about our hopes and dreams and anything fun . He has a child but told me the mother of his child was in a relationship of her own so I shouldn't be worried about her . (I told him I usually don't date men with children cause they always are still intimate with the mother (my opinion !) he also explained to me that he takes his relationships very serious , his last one was 5years but his ex cheated on him so he needed a loyal woman. I explained to him that I took relationships serious as well and he was so surprised to know I have ne'er cheated on an ex if I'm unhappy I'll just leave. He was a great guy however we only hung out in the house or cheap dates like a walk outside because he didn't have any money (getting unemployment) . He was however vigorously applying for jobs, and dedicated to get back on track . Five months total I met two siblings and all his friends. His one sibling him and I even ate dinner together ! I cooked for him went grocery shopping for him helped him with furniture needs not buy it but tell him where to go , spent July 4th together went to see the fireworks ,we use to just talk like friends ( getting to know eachother )I would spend the night at his place .After te 2nd month he told me I was his gf so yes I was playing the part ! Well anyway fast forward it's been three months (been dating a total five months) yes I eventually was intimate with him not early though ! Things started to fade. one time he went a week without contacting me and when I contacted him I would get one word answers sometimes no text back at all.Then when his child would come over he would be MiA I couldnt even get a gm text . In his defense ( I know why am I defending this Ahole*) it's too early to meet his child and the mother of his child wouldn't let him see his child if she knew another female was in the picture. And I would hate for a child to not be able to see his father because of me so I went along with it . But When he finally felt like texting me back he would act nonchalant like nothing happened and when I told him he started fading on me he was just hit me back with "I'm sorry , that's not true , I care about you blah blah blah" so I forgave him. But it still kept happening and then everytine I saw him he wanted to have sex and I wouldn't hear from him until week later . It's been five months justLast week he told me he was going to take me out on Monday to the movies (he had it all detailed out he even was going to get me roses )because he just got a new job , well Monday came and he never called or texted ! I refused to call him or text and feel like a stalker besides when a man is serious and wants to see you he'll make time ! So it's now Sunday I've been busy having fun with friends and family trying to distract myself from waiting for his text or call anything ! Well yesterday night of having a fun time with friends I went on his fb and saw a picture of him and a female (probably his girlfriend) caption read someone special and she had roses ! Guess that's where my roses went huh she also wrote under the pic thanks babe . I clicked on her page and she had the same pic up and the caption read 5 years strong So that basically was his ex girlfriend that cheated I guess he forgave her. Maybe they were on a break and I just was a rebound . I'm obviously never going to contact him again . If he does contact me what should I say or do ? I thought about cursing him out or just not even responding back . Like seriously what the hell you tell me I'm your girlfriend but you put a pic up and basically say to hell with my feelings I mean he could at least deleted me ! Should I keep him as a friend on social media and post pics of my happy single life ( not feeling to happy right now) or delete him altogether. Idk but it hurts like hell. I have the biggest heart and am tired of it getting stepped on ! I know he will contact me agin I'm trying to figure out what to say or do ? I understand I should leave him alone no doubt about it but I'm so mad I wasted five months on him and developed feelings so it is hard but has to be done ! Just sucks because I really was interested and I do believe at one point and time he was too . I'll accept all answers BACKGROUND INFO I'm 23 , live alone . Edited October 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
dragonfire13 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) Hey no offence, but next time try paragraphs so it's easier to read. Addressing your question, I feel for you. I know it's hard to understand, but some people are just like that. They have their own agenda. I know it's not nice, but least you found out now that he's a using jerk, and if he is indeed back with his ex-gf who cheated on him, then clearly they are a match made in heaven if that's how they go about treating people! I would keep him on social media for a bit, like you said, to show you're doing great without him and like it doesn't bother you. If he contacts you again, DO NOT reply and then delete him. That makes it clear that youre no longer interested and you have a reason to delete him (because he contacted you). Trust me, ignoring him if he contacts you will kill his ego. I've had guys resurface several times. When I told them up front that their behaviour was out of line, they could care less. But when I say nothing it leaves them scratching their head and their behaviour gets more extreme as they try to get me to respond...apologies, gifts, random notifications on social media that make it clear they're stalking me out on there. It's always when I'm over the situation though so I end up finding it amusing. Try it Edited October 12, 2014 by dragonfire13 1
Author beauty0815 Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 Sorry I'm typing on my phone so I didn't even think to write it like that also I apologize for the many typos I'm in an angry frenzy lol but yes I see what his agenda was now and I will keep him on social media and post only fun things I will be doing . He missed out not me especially if he wants a woman who is unloyal then I'm definitely not a match for him !
dragonfire13 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) Aw I know it sucks and you have every right to be angry with a need to vent away. But it sounds like you have a social life, and as much as I hate this whole using social media to brag or construct an image etc hey if the tools there you may as well use it to show this pr*ck youre getting on with things, if he's the type who looks into stuff like that. Definitely, their relationship doesn't sound too healthy to be honest, if she's cheating and then he starts seeing women to get back at her or to distract himself from the breakup. She probably found out and got possessive and wanted him back, which is probably what he was hoping for all along. I'm sure he did like you, but some couples find it hard to break up for good despite several dealbreakers because their feelings are too strong. What this guy SHOULD have done is have a break from women to deal with his ex-gf cheating on him, and get over the feelings he clearly still has for her. Then, he should have started dating again. Instead, it sounds like he jumped into another romantic situation, his ex found out and wanted him back and he ran back to her. Regardless, I'm sure you don't want any part of that so he definitely did you a favour. Hopefully you meet someone new soon who has less baggage. Edited October 12, 2014 by dragonfire13
Gaeta Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Beauty: I am very sorry this happened to you. These bad experiences are there to teach us something, it's how we acquire wisdom unfortunately. I feel like there were red flags early in the relationship that you ignored like when he started ignoring your communication while he had his child over, etc. Just unfriend the idiot. Why would you keep him in your contact? He does not deserve to be kept there. So he can see you don't care? Guess what? he does not give a sh.!t about you care or not. You're only gonna hurt yourself by keeping him there and seeing his feeds. You're mad so tell him. Not for him, but for yourself, to let your anger out to help you put this behind you. 7
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Sorry to hear this, OP. This guy is bad news and you need to delete him. Posting pictures of your rocking single life isn't going to have the effect you want, because he just doesn't care enough. If he contacts you, either don't respond to send one last message indicating this isn't what you want and end it completely. I'm sure he'll know why. Also, I would take his explanation for his previous break-up with a grain of salt. Why do you necessarily believe that she was the cheater? For all you know, it could've been him. The whole story could have been made up, in fact. In the future, pay closer attention to the red flags. When someone vanishes for a whole week, that's generally an indication that they don't care much about you and don't really want to continue the way things are. Don't allow someone to treat you that way. You deserve much, much better than that!
mammasita Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 What an *******! Times like this I think of childish spiteful things to do......ugh. Sorry you had to deal with that.
LostOnes05 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Sorry this happened to you...this guy is nothing but trash. You don't treat people like that. It just isn't right. I honestly feel like he might have been lying to you about who cheated on who. He obviously is a liar and a cheater, so it was probably him that did the cheating and then sniveled his way back to his ex (or whoever she was). Don't keep this guy on social media. It's not worth it to be constantly reminded about someone like this. Not worth it at all. This guy is a coward and a coward is not someone you can build a relationship with. As you can see he will go down the easiest path, use up your time and energy, and give nothing but trouble in return. As a guy, I think cheating is about as low as you can get in a relationship. I think this actually has an overinflated ego, so in this instance I wouldn't even contact him or say anything. He doesn't deserve it because he doesn't feel guilty. I understand your anger and hurt, as I was there a few years ago. What I can say is that exercising (a lot), talking about it with close friends and finding new hobbies helped significantly in getting past it. One thing I hope you learn is that you deserve better...so I'll wish you the best! Good luck! 1
Elle1975 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 No, you do not keep him on your social medias. Delete him, delete his phone number, etc.. If he calls, don't answer. If you do answer, I hope he will hear a "f off" and that's it. I'm sorry this happened to you. This sucks. 1
quidproquo89 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I met a guy off of a dating website whose relationship goals were "to get married" Before I gave him my number we talked for a few days then started to text . He wAs very nice talked about our hopes and dreams and anything fun . He has a child but told me the mother of his child was in a relationship of her own so I shouldn't be worried about her . (I told him I usually don't date men with children cause they always are still intimate with the mother (my opinion !) he also explained to me that he takes his relationships very serious , his last one was 5years but his ex cheated on him so he needed a loyal woman. I explained to him that I took relationships serious as well and he was so surprised to know I have ne'er cheated on an ex if I'm unhappy I'll just leave. He was a great guy however we only hung out in the house or cheap dates like a walk outside because he didn't have any money (getting unemployment) . He was however vigorously applying for jobs, and dedicated to get back on track . Five months total I met two siblings and all his friends. His one sibling him and I even ate dinner together ! I cooked for him went grocery shopping for him helped him with furniture needs not buy it but tell him where to go , spent July 4th together went to see the fireworks ,we use to just talk like friends ( getting to know eachother )I would spend the night at his place .After te 2nd month he told me I was his gf so yes I was playing the part ! Well anyway fast forward it's been three months (been dating a total five months) yes I eventually was intimate with him not early though ! Things started to fade. one time he went a week without contacting me and when I contacted him I would get one word answers sometimes no text back at all.Then when his child would come over he would be MiA I couldnt even get a gm text . In his defense ( I know why am I defending this Ahole*) it's too early to meet his child and the mother of his child wouldn't let him see his child if she knew another female was in the picture. And I would hate for a child to not be able to see his father because of me so I went along with it . But When he finally felt like texting me back he would act nonchalant like nothing happened and when I told him he started fading on me he was just hit me back with "I'm sorry , that's not true , I care about you blah blah blah" so I forgave him. But it still kept happening and then everytine I saw him he wanted to have sex and I wouldn't hear from him until week later . It's been five months justLast week he told me he was going to take me out on Monday to the movies (he had it all detailed out he even was going to get me roses )because he just got a new job , well Monday came and he never called or texted ! I refused to call him or text and feel like a stalker besides when a man is serious and wants to see you he'll make time ! So it's now Sunday I've been busy having fun with friends and family trying to distract myself from waiting for his text or call anything ! Well yesterday night of having a fun time with friends I went on his fb and saw a picture of him and a female (probably his girlfriend) caption read someone special and she had roses ! Guess that's where my roses went huh she also wrote under the pic thanks babe . I clicked on her page and she had the same pic up and the caption read 5 years strong So that basically was his ex girlfriend that cheated I guess he forgave her. Maybe they were on a break and I just was a rebound . I'm obviously never going to contact him again . If he does contact me what should I say or do ? I thought about cursing him out or just not even responding back . Like seriously what the hell you tell me I'm your girlfriend but you put a pic up and basically say to hell with my feelings I mean he could at least deleted me ! Should I keep him as a friend on social media and post pics of my happy single life ( not feeling to happy right now) or delete him altogether. Idk but it hurts like hell. I have the biggest heart and am tired of it getting stepped on ! I know he will contact me agin I'm trying to figure out what to say or do ? I understand I should leave him alone no doubt about it but I'm so mad I wasted five months on him and developed feelings so it is hard but has to be done ! Just sucks because I really was interested and I do believe at one point and time he was too . I'll accept all answers BACKGROUND INFO I'm 23 , live alone . my eyes literally widened,wasnt expecting that. What an *******. I'd delete him entirely, ignore him and pretend he doesnt exist. I'm so sorry my lovely, that must absolutely suck. It will take a little time but you WILL get over this. Spend time with the people that make you happy, and do the things that make you happy. Also its OK to have these feelings dont hide them or be ashamed of them You need to vent them, get them out of your system until there is none of those feelings left. By that time you can go and find that hot stud with a heart of gold 1
preraph Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Just another guy saying whatever he thinks you want to hear so he can get laid, and by as many women as possible at the same time. By the way, it isn't true the ex can keep the kid from him if he's seeing other women. Just another lie he told you. Ex-spouses try to control their exes all the time by leveraging visitation or custody of the kid, but it's so common that judges are ready for it when it comes before them. It's not a factor unless someone can prove the child is being exposed to abuse or neglect because of it.
Author beauty0815 Posted October 12, 2014 Author Posted October 12, 2014 Thank you everyone for the positive words and encouragement to just move on. Yes it will be hard but I'm just going to go slow and take it day at a time . And just an UPDATE he ended up deleting the picture ! But damage is done already over this way i am , going to enjoy my single life! 2
Maleficent Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Sorry this happened to you. It really sucks. Now if anybody actually has an answer to that question in OP subject line, please let me know. I'm curious too. lol
Elle1975 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Thank you everyone for the positive words and encouragement to just move on. Yes it will be hard but I'm just going to go slow and take it day at a time . And just an UPDATE he ended up deleting the picture ! But damage is done already over this way i am , going to enjoy my single life! Don't let him fool you with some "she's psycho" excuse. Good luck!
PinkCarnations Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I've had someone get back with his ex while I was with him. It sucks and I would see his ex post pics of the roses he gave her for vday and tag him in it and make it public so I can see. Trust me, these couples that are on/off, involve infidelity, etc don't last. Keep him on FB because deleting him shows that you care. Anyways if it helps, that guy I was talking about broke up with his ex after a couple months and 2 years later, he keeps calling me saying he's thinking about me and stuff almost like I'm "the one that got away." I don't care about him anymore and eventually you won't care about this guy either. 1
cif Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Beauty, i would send a mesage to the GF that her man was dating you for five months and you had no idea they were together. Then delete and block. 2
HappyLove Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 So his ex now has the prize if a jobless, cheating, cheap man who only dates at home. What's the problem here? Sounds like you're finally winning. 1
lil_missy Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 hi beauty, I feel for you this is sucha a terrible thing to have happen to you. Its the worst when you think you are building a future with someone and they have other plans. Emotionally unavailable men do this alot, seemingly in a relationship with you one day then gone the next. Theres nothing you could have done except maybe identify and avoid them I n the beginning. Did you ask this guy how long he was out of the 5 yr relationship? Similar thing happened to me so I can totally relate. I was talking to a guy for 2 months we talked n flirted everyday n met up. Then he disappeared. I started stalking his fb towards the end n found out not only was he married he also just had a baby. I think the guy lied to you he did a ****ty thing behind your back and 5 month is a long time to waste on someone. I feel he owes you an apology at least. You should call him out and make him feel bad. It will make u feel better. Then delete and ignore him.
longjohn Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Beauty, i would send a mesage to the GF that her man was dating you for five months and you had no idea they were together. Then delete and block. I agree find his gf and tell her. In fact send her some evidence, emails, texts, pictures, times dates etc. That type of "man" needs to be taught a lesson. My ex wife was seeing another man (married) and the second I had evidence I hunted down his wife's email and ensured there was no doubt in her mind what her husband was up to.
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