Should I just end it now?

[TinaZ1990]

My boyfriend and I always had silly fights nothing ever so serious. We have been dating for almost two years and when we are good, we are REALLY good. We are really compatible, share similar interests, humour, friends, ambition, jobs, etc etc.

 

He was diagnosed with vitiligo (skin disease) a few months into our dating. At first I was heartbroken but then I was determined to find him a cure (there is no cure) I decided to stay with him because I never loved another guy like this, and overlooked the vitiligo part. Well, I know my parents won't approve if it spreads. Our future is really not looking that bright, it's still not very noticeable but it has spread a tiny bit since last year. Can't really consider having kids b/c I found out this is partly genetic.

 

Few days ago we had a bad fight over the silliest thing, he hung up on me and I was pissed. I haven't talked to him since, but I'm not even mad at the hanging up part anymore, I am debating whether I should still give this relationship another go due to the vitiligo issue. It breaks my heart, and I am not a shallow person because like I said, I love this guy unconditionally he means the world to me.

 

Any advice? Should I just end it and deal with the heartbreak now rather than later?

[WomenWubber]

• What do you want out of this relationship?
   
  
• What does he want out of it?
   
  
• Can you two come to an agreement?
  

 

I suggest you and your bf reflect on those 3 questions and then address them in a talk. Then you can decide if it's time to move on.

 

Also you say you can't afford having kids with him because of his disease. Is that a dealbreaker?

 

"Our future is really not looking that bright..."

 

But you still can envision a future with him, can you not? How about a future without him in your life? Try thinking long term: Are you better off without him?

 

Be mature. Talk your problems out. Don't fight your way out of them.

[KatZee]

You love him unconditionally? I don't think so.

 

You want to dump him for something he has zero control over, so yes. Your love DOES come with conditions.

 

The condition that:

 

1. A guy be the preferred color for you.

2. A guy be the color that is accepted by your family.

3. A guy who does not have any genetic abnormalities that could predispose any future children to.

 

I mean if you want kids and they are out of the question with him, why are you wasting your time? AND his?

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree with the poster above. You do not love him unconditionally. You are considering ending the relationship over it, so it's certainly conditional love. You also said your parents won't approve if it spreads. I think you won't either, but you're looking for other reasons to break up with him (ie. over this angry phone call) so it doesn't sound as bad.

 

You're not wrong to be concerned. Your feelings are you feelings and nobody can tell you not to feel a certain way. But if you aren't up to dealing with his condition, let him go. Own it and acknowledge that it may be too much for you.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Vitiligo is not fatal and does not affect overall health (other than the psychological impact of feeling ugly, which is significant). Why would this impact your decision to have children with him? More importantly, why is it that your parents "won't approve" of him having a disease that he can't control?

 

If you truly loved him unconditionally this wouldn't bother you much. It sounds like you have an extremely negative opinion about this disease which you no doubt received in part from your parents. Have you considered why your family feels this way? Is it rational? Why does it have such a stigma?

 

I would recommend talking to a therapist first to make sense of your feelings. If you genuinely can't tolerate the idea of being with him then you need to let him go. But true love with someone who supports and understands you is even rarer than vitiligo.