on meeting women and succeeding in finding a relationship

[quidproquo89]

I have made a huge amount of progress this year from going next to nothing to dating five women this year (4 in the last four months). None have gone anywhere for various reasons. I'm making a point of going to my local pubs with friends and to the odd pub out of town with other mates. However I am still not yet at the point where I find walking up to a stranger as something I can do. Dates I have had this year have been from OLD and girls who have come into my workplace.

 

The thing about bars/pubs is that people are in their close-nit groups which makes feeding off their vibes (catching a girls eye) or approaching a girl quite difficult.

 

When I'm out at a pub, I tend to be quite reserved not one of those people that can start a conversation with a stranger. I'd like the idea of joining a club - like social or sport. However I feel uncomfortable going alone.

 

I'm confident and ambitious in some parts of my life but in the social department I'm still around the fringes of being introvert.

 

I'm keeping OLD going simply to keep my options open. I've sent about a dozen messages and had 8 replys this week, so thats okay.

 

You meet suitors when you least expect it, but I'm thinking of more ways to improve my chances. Still a bit buggered by the small, isolated town I live in, where there are literally no single women.

 

Any ideas about how to improve on the dating side? Comments about the other things I've brought up.

 

The final thing is conversation. I'm quite good at conversation, one-on-one I can hold my own and really listen to the other person. I ask open ended questions. Any ideas how to make better conversation which isnt just a bunch of questions. I guess learn what people like doing and broaden the conversation based on that. Try and find common ground.

 

I wouldn't say I'm unsure of myself, I know I have a lot to offer. Its just I'm still on the intermediate experienced side when it comes to dating. I sometimes see a nice girl, pass them in the street or serving at a bar or maybe with her friends at a bar/gig/etc and still don't feel comfortable approaching.

 

Its almost like I want to get to know somebody before I hit on them. I've improved many parts of my character and personality from that scared little boy as secondary school who was bullied and had no confidence to someone with a small business, friends, a bit of money and a stronger mind. I just still havent had success in the dating department yet and any advice would be handy. Just ways at getting better at chatting, encouraging and getting the girl .

Edited October 11, 2014 by quidproquo89
mistake

[quidproquo89]

anybody?

[HappyLove]

Expand your hang outs to more than pubs. Try museums, art events, local events etc. Challenge yourself to cold approach one cute girl a week. Don't just say hi ask something about the area you're in. If every woman in your area is LITERALLY married...move.

[Assasda]

Seems like youre getting along fine man.

 

Its hard in bar/pubs, because to approach a lot of these girls you have to be "the life of the party" and basically entertain them.

 

A good way to get in with meeting girls at pubs tho, is ask them what they're drinking, and be interested in when they tell you. Dont be afraid to give them a lil stick if they're drinking something bland.

 

Another good way to do stuff in pubs that goes along with being the life of the party, is pretend to be more drunk than you really are. You get away with a lot more.

 

With the conversation thing. You want to work on listening more, and talking as least as you can. If there is a lull. You can ask them about something they talked about.

Also if you feel you must talk. Work on telling a good story. Kudos if its a story that happened in a bar/pub.

[smackie9]

If you are willing to get up and dance with the ladies you will get laid.

 

What better way to get close to one or more women, and bump and grind with each other....

[quidproquo89]

Expand your hang outs to more than pubs. Try museums, art events, local events etc. Challenge yourself to cold approach one cute girl a week. Don't just say hi ask something about the area you're in. If every woman in your area is LITERALLY married...move.

 

it is seriously getting that way.

 

And, yes I need to man up and do more cold approaching, mmm lol

[quidproquo89]

Seems like youre getting along fine man.

 

Its hard in bar/pubs, because to approach a lot of these girls you have to be "the life of the party" and basically entertain them.

 

A good way to get in with meeting girls at pubs tho, is ask them what they're drinking, and be interested in when they tell you. Dont be afraid to give them a lil stick if they're drinking something bland.

 

Another good way to do stuff in pubs that goes along with being the life of the party, is pretend to be more drunk than you really are. You get away with a lot more.

 

With the conversation thing. You want to work on listening more, and talking as least as you can. If there is a lull. You can ask them about something they talked about.

Also if you feel you must talk. Work on telling a good story. Kudos if its a story that happened in a bar/pub.

 

Cheers man, I try to take opportunities. Yeah my convo is about there, its just the cold approach thing I need to start attempting ha ha

[Assasda]

Cheers man, I try to take opportunities. Yeah my convo is about there, its just the cold approach thing I need to start attempting ha ha

 

I've done some cold approaches before, and the think that I find works best with my cold approaches, is that I basically do a verbal diarrhea sort of thing.

 

I basically blurt out the first thing I notice about the girl, why I would want to talk to her in the first place.

So I see some risky stockings, I quickly blurt out "Are those stripper stockings?" stuff like that.

or something like "You could be a schoolteacher!" hahaha Just the first thing that comes to my mind. By the way, having a few drinks in you lets this work better

[quidproquo89]

I've done some cold approaches before, and the think that I find works best with my cold approaches, is that I basically do a verbal diarrhea sort of thing.

 

I basically blurt out the first thing I notice about the girl, why I would want to talk to her in the first place.

So I see some risky stockings, I quickly blurt out "Are those stripper stockings?" stuff like that.

or something like "You could be a schoolteacher!" hahaha Just the first thing that comes to my mind. By the way, having a few drinks in you lets this work better

 

yeah, yeah sort of like limbering up before an exercise ha

[GemmaUK]

I'm liking your opening post there Quid!

 

Being the woman on the other side I can let you know things that can help.

 

I do know precisely what you mean about those tight knit groups that are difficult to break into. Some are just not break-into-able!

 

This sounds tactical but it can help.

When you go into a bar and have your drinks in hand you need to be the one to find a base for you and your friends.

Make this base the table furthest away from the toilets. You will be visiting the toilets more often than you will the bar (unless your friends are tightwads! ).

 

Once you have your base make sure you are facing most of the people in the venue.

Then you need to look for women who are looking around, women who turn to see who is coming in the door as these are likely to be the ones who are single and looking.

If the place is crowded you will need to break through crowds of people on the way to the toilet - that is your time to make eye contact and say hello when you get returned eye contact. Hello is all it needs.

Then on your return look for that eye contact again - take the same route back to your base. You can say the hello on the return and just go for eye contact on the first pass.

 

If she had eye contact and likes you but then sees you returning via a different route through the crowd she won't think you are interested.

If you take the route back via her she will think you are interested and her curiosity will make her find out where your base is.

 

Also, it's actually pretty sweet when you see a guy take the most complicated route to get to his destination.

 

If you end up in a venue nearish to the ladies toilets then look out for women who take the most complicated routes and give men eye contact.

It works both ways and we all do this. In fact women tend to walk around a bar if they have opportunity to do so much more than men do.

 

Do any of your hang outs ever have bands or events on? I would be making sure to attend if there is something going on. Having a band playing makes people focus more on that and not stay facing each other so it's an easier way to gain eye contact and get talking.

 

I wouldn't advocate acting more drunk than you are (but that is just me). Being drunk will put me off. A little tipsy is OK but also just happy, smiley and able to string sentences together is better.

 

Basically you need to get eye contact going on, a few beers will give you the courage.

What you say doesn't really matter. Hello is always a good place to start.

If the place is really busy you can always say something like 'sorry, I need to squeeze past you' once she allows you space you can then smile and say 'I quite enjoyed that' with a grin or a wink.

[quidproquo89]

I'm liking your opening post there Quid!

 

Being the woman on the other side I can let you know things that can help.

 

I do know precisely what you mean about those tight knit groups that are difficult to break into. Some are just not break-into-able!

 

This sounds tactical but it can help.

When you go into a bar and have your drinks in hand you need to be the one to find a base for you and your friends.

Make this base the table furthest away from the toilets. You will be visiting the toilets more often than you will the bar (unless your friends are tightwads! ).

 

Once you have your base make sure you are facing most of the people in the venue.

Then you need to look for women who are looking around, women who turn to see who is coming in the door as these are likely to be the ones who are single and looking.

If the place is crowded you will need to break through crowds of people on the way to the toilet - that is your time to make eye contact and say hello when you get returned eye contact. Hello is all it needs.

Then on your return look for that eye contact again - take the same route back to your base. You can say the hello on the return and just go for eye contact on the first pass.

 

If she had eye contact and likes you but then sees you returning via a different route through the crowd she won't think you are interested.

If you take the route back via her she will think you are interested and her curiosity will make her find out where your base is.

 

Also, it's actually pretty sweet when you see a guy take the most complicated route to get to his destination.

 

If you end up in a venue nearish to the ladies toilets then look out for women who take the most complicated routes and give men eye contact.

It works both ways and we all do this. In fact women tend to walk around a bar if they have opportunity to do so much more than men do.

 

Do any of your hang outs ever have bands or events on? I would be making sure to attend if there is something going on. Having a band playing makes people focus more on that and not stay facing each other so it's an easier way to gain eye contact and get talking.

 

I wouldn't advocate acting more drunk than you are (but that is just me). Being drunk will put me off. A little tipsy is OK but also just happy, smiley and able to string sentences together is better.

 

Basically you need to get eye contact going on, a few beers will give you the courage.

What you say doesn't really matter. Hello is always a good place to start.

If the place is really busy you can always say something like 'sorry, I need to squeeze past you' once she allows you space you can then smile and say 'I quite enjoyed that' with a grin or a wink.

 

I appreciate your support . Ok that's some interesting points. I get invited out by my 'local' best mate to pubs/bars on the weekend. I just gotta keep going out there. I rarely see women looking about, they tend to always be focused on who their with. But hey I'm still in the minor leagues here ha ha.

 

I'll take on board what you said thank you

[quidproquo89]

Another thing that may be letting me down is that a lot of women may think I live a boring life. I work three jobs amounting to often 5-6 days a week. Outside of that I will meet up with the odd mate, spend time with family and go out for walks, watch tv/video games etc.

 

Do you have to do a lot of sport/outdoor activities for a desirable women to think that you are desirable.

 

I tend to be quite chilled out when not working.

 

I used to do a lot of activities with my group of mates but I dont live near them anymore

[mr_dave]

Another thing that may be letting me down is that a lot of women may think I live a boring life. I work three jobs amounting to often 5-6 days a week. Outside of that I will meet up with the odd mate, spend time with family and go out for walks, watch tv/video games etc.

 

Do you have to do a lot of sport/outdoor activities for a desirable women to think that you are desirable.

 

I tend to be quite chilled out when not working.

 

I used to do a lot of activities with my group of mates but I dont live near them anymore

 

If you don't mind me asking, whereabouts are you from? It seems we're in quite a similar predicament, outside of OLD and pubs/clubs, meeting women is tough here if you're an introvert. Fancy a wingman?

 

Regarding your question about how you spend your free time... I don't think that you have to be sporty/outdoorsy. Being in good shape would help though I would imagine.

I think the crux of it is that a lot of women want a guy with a range of interests, sure nearly every guy likes TV and videogames, but it's nice to have a broad spectrum of activities you can do with your girlfriend besides DVDs and TV.

 

I'm kind of the same regarding friends too, we play pool and watch the Champions League in our local, but nothing really where you could come across a nice girl.

 

Are there any gyms/ classes you could attend nearby? Have you thought about seeing what there is in your area on Meetup.com?

[quidproquo89]

If you don't mind me asking, whereabouts are you from? It seems we're in quite a similar predicament, outside of OLD and pubs/clubs, meeting women is tough here if you're an introvert. Fancy a wingman?

 

Regarding your question about how you spend your free time... I don't think that you have to be sporty/outdoorsy. Being in good shape would help though I would imagine.

I think the crux of it is that a lot of women want a guy with a range of interests, sure nearly every guy likes TV and videogames, but it's nice to have a broad spectrum of activities you can do with your girlfriend besides DVDs and TV.

 

I'm kind of the same regarding friends too, we play pool and watch the Champions League in our local, but nothing really where you could come across a nice girl.

 

Are there any gyms/ classes you could attend nearby? Have you thought about seeing what there is in your area on Meetup.com?

 

I live in the country in South of England. I could do with a wingman lol.

 

I used to do a lot of activities with my mates like - paintballing, go karting, bowling etc. And obviously if you start going out with somebody you can take them to the zoo, museums, theatre, cinema, restaurants etc to keep things fresh.

 

As for now there is very little amount of friends about and I'm not big on doing things alone.

 

I used to go to the gym, lots of men lol! I've looked into study too though which would help meet people too.

 

There are like badminton and climbing, archery etc. But walking in their on my own weirds me out, is that odd?

 

Time to time girls just come along, I screwed things up with these girls in the past because of mistakes or inexperience, you do meet like minded women but sometimes you have to wait a while

[mr_dave]

I live in the country in South of England. I could do with a wingman lol.

 

I used to do a lot of activities with my mates like - paintballing, go karting, bowling etc. And obviously if you start going out with somebody you can take them to the zoo, museums, theatre, cinema, restaurants etc to keep things fresh.

 

As for now there is very little amount of friends about and I'm not big on doing things alone.

 

I used to go to the gym, lots of men lol! I've looked into study too though which would help meet people too.

 

There are like badminton and climbing, archery etc. But walking in their on my own weirds me out, is that odd?

 

Time to time girls just come along, I screwed things up with these girls in the past because of mistakes or inexperience, you do meet like minded women but sometimes you have to wait a while

 

Yeah, most gyms tend to be a sausage fest unfortunately. Those activities sound quite promising, and as they are quite civilised pursuits I'm sure the organisers would be quite welcoming to new members. Just say you're new to the area and have an interest in the activity and take it from there.