She left me, I can't let go and want her back!!

October 11, 2014

Background story, was with my girlfriend for 3 years we had break ups in the past only silly ones and one serious one which lasted 2 weeks last year, but this time it's the real thing. She split up with me 6 weeks ago now because her feelings have changed, the classic "I love you but just don't feel in love any more".

For the first 3 weeks we met up a couple of times to see how things went, even spent a night away together. Obviously from meeting her etc it filled me with false hope that everything would be ok and that we would come through this eventually with time and space.

Two days after we spent a night away together I said to her that it's been 3 weeks now and I sort of need to know what's going on because it was filling my with false hope, she still said she didn't know and that she was confused and only time would tell. The day after she said she had made her decsision and that we were going to go our seperate ways because the relationship couldn't be fixed, and that it was unfair on me to keep meeting me and giving me false hope. She also said that she can't and doesn't want to force herself into something she doesn't want anymore.

I'll admit yeah I've begged and came across as desperate but I've backed right off now and going to go the no contact route, been 2 weeks now since I spoke to her, killing me but I know it's the best thing at the moment whilst everything is still fresh.

She's adamant at the moment that it's done but she met my mum the other day whilst I wasent at home and said to her there has been times when she's thought about ringing me but choose not to, to avoid giving me false hope again. Said she's done the right thing for both of us, don't agree with that and that we want different things, disagree with that aswell because we have spoke about a future together many times. Even planned to start saving up for a house at the start of next year.. She did say that in 6 months or so that it might change and we could end up giving it another go as we don't know what the future holds for us.

She's not willing to give things another go at the moment and try and make this work and said she's just given up now and that it's too late. I don't think it's ever to late and I know we can come through this and come out stronger.

Do you think her "in love" feelings can come back without contact or seeing each other and that by going no contact it will give her the chance to miss me. I'm missing her so so much and really just want her back and let me prove her that I really mean it that things will be different now. Literally can't bear the thought of her not being a part of my life.

Any help and views on my situation would be much appreciated. Thank you.

October 11, 2014

Anything further that you do will definitely push her away at this stage.

You keep saying you "can't" get over her and "can't" let go. This is not true. You can. But you choose not to. You are basically obsessing over her and creating a psychological issue for yourself over her. This will cause you to act neurotic around her and therefore blow any chances of her rekindling her feeling.

Move on. If it's meant to be she will come back. Stop saying "I can't" and be honest that "I don't want to" then you will slowly begin to be able to say "I can" get over her.

Life is about choice. You can choose to make yourself sick over her, or you can choose to learn from the situation so your next relationship is that much better.

Good luck in your choices.

October 11, 2014

I am going through a similar situation as the OP, go NC man, eventually youll feel happier. Both of you need space, take a step back, its so hard, and the first few days will seem so long, eventually youll be back to normal mate, seriously you have to be selfish, i can imagine what you are going through.

October 11, 2014

"I love you but just don't feel in love any more"...
Do you think her "in love" feelings can come back?

I read the rest of it too, and based on what I read, here's my opinion. I'm just going to come out and tell you what she won't tell you.

Not only is she not in love with you, she doesn't love you. She is fond of you because you were once close. You will never get back what you once had.

Sorry, OP.

October 11, 2014

Right now you're beating yourself up. You're probably thinking; if I would have done X then things would be different right now. The relationship (her) was like a drug. You're in withdrawal my friend. I think everyone on here has experienced what you're going through to some extent. I know I did. Here's the deal. Right now she's backed away and you want to chase her to close the gap that's developed between you. Don't chase her. Give her space. This is going to be very hard but you must do it for two reasons. Firstly it's the best thing for you. Secondly it's also your best chance for getting her to come back. It's counter intuitive I know. Also, if you're thinking about writing her a letter to explain your feelings or what you think you did wrong. Don't do it. Writing a letter never works. Use the search function on here if you don't believe me.

Now here's the really tough part. Try telling yourself it's over. What I mean is do your best to not hold out hope for her. Why you ask? Because it prolongs your pain. How do I know this? Because I did it. For two months I was a mess. Then I convinced myself that she'll be back for reasons x,y,z, etc. A period of time goes by where you'll think you're over her. Almost like the eye of the hurricane. Some time will go by, it could be weeks or months. However, still no word from her. You'll want to go searching for more info via social media or friends. If you search you'll almost certainly see something you had wished you hadn't. Don't do this! It will bring you a lot of pain and set you back to day one. How do I know? Because I did it. The majority of people on here have done it too. I'm trying to save you pain and anguish that you don't need to endure. By using these methods it's a win, win for YOU. You'll heal much faster and if she does come back to you, and you still want to be with her, you're in a much better position for both of you.

You can do this. I did it and just about everyone on here has done this too. You're in very good company.

October 12, 2014

Your right in saying I can get over her because I probably will, but yeah I'm choosing not to at the moment and it's only making me suffer more.

I've got to accept it for now but I really don't want to, as much as I say I can't lose her and you tell me that I can lose her and be alright I actually really can't.

I know we can pull through this stronger this has literally turned my life upside down, she must still have feelings there, 3 years of being together surley wouldn't just vanish over night?

I really dont want to give up on this I know I've got to not contact her and give her the space she needs but in my head I keep thinking that she will eventually start to miss me and that we will have another crack at it...

October 12, 2014

I'm going through something similar.

3.5 years together and i wasn't aware his business was going under. Our relationship was failing and ill could see was it was him and I.

He breaks off the relationship and then after tells me what happened. We tried to get back together a few times, he kept me dangling and hoping that we would be together again.

Currently experiencing the 3rd breakup (final breakup) I love him so so much but I'm slowly coming to realization he just doesn't love me anymore. Trying so hard to give up the hope, but I just don't think you'll ever get back what you had after someone has said or even worse truly felt these things.

October 12, 2014

Your right in saying I can get over her because I probably will, but yeah I'm choosing not to at the moment and it's only making me suffer more.

I've got to accept it for now but I really don't want to, as much as I say I can't lose her and you tell me that I can lose her and be alright I actually really can't.

I know we can pull through this stronger this has literally turned my life upside down, she must still have feelings there, 3 years of being together surley wouldn't just vanish over night?

I really dont want to give up on this I know I've got to not contact her and give her the space she needs but in my head I keep thinking that she will eventually start to miss me and that we will have another crack at it...

Sorry to alert you to this,but her feelings "vanishing overnight" are not the case.

People's feelings don't just change that fast. For many, the feelings gradually decrease over a long period of time. In that time, your gf probably debated with herself about what to do. She had LOADS of time to think about this and decided to end it. So while its still a shock to you, she had time to process, come to terms, and then end it. The feelings are already gone. You said "we" will come out stronger. In the long run, both of you will....it just wont be with you two together.

If anything, at this point, she is glad it is done with. The decision was made and everything is good to go. Honestly, I've heard all those lines too many times. I'm going to be blunt...there is someone else. If there isnt, there is a least someone else she is crushing on. She feels guilty for what she is doing, hence visiting your mom and checking up with you. Why would she feel guilty if she is doing everything right? It doesnt add up. Sucks I know, but thats my feeling.

Even if that isnt the case, you need to let it go. These head games of "she will miss me and I'll get another crack" will be the death of you. Why? Because you will wait all day and night for her to "realize she misses you" and get incredibly upset when she doesnt. This will keep you feeling like this for a LOT longer. Nip it in the bud now and realize its over. There is nothing you can do and a VERY strong chance she will never come back. All you can do is control yourself. Its a LONG road, but you'll be fine.

October 12, 2014

Kyle we've all been there.

Please understand that just because the advice we are giving runs counter to your feelings, that does not mean that it is bad advice.

Right now your brain is playing tricks on you. Exactly like a drug addict who desperately needs his next hit. That is not a critique of you, it's reality of your situation.

But here's the best way to play it. You obviously don't want her back unless she comes to you. So just tell yourself that you've left the door open and it's in her hands to fix, and you're going to live your life. And then start slowly living it. You've done what you can do.

Oh, and I know she's wonderful, but if she's talking to your mom, she loves the drama. That drama will crush your physical and emotional health. Please get away from it, if nothing else.

October 12, 2014

ConfusedHumanBeing is right...sorry dude but she's mulled it over. In fact, she won't admit this, but she's glad to be done. Why?

Cause there's someone else and she's glad to get rid of you and be with him. Sorry but the best thing for you is to accept it. You sound young, so while you think you could have done things different, truth it you couldn't have. Even if you were Bill Freaking Gates, she would have dumped you. Girls at her age(and some don't grow out of it) will always think there's something better.

Using the flaws in your relationship was a nice way to justify the fact that she has feelings for someone else. CHB has been through it. Heck, my ex gave me the same excuses yours did. She told me EVERYTHING that was going on, but when I asked her if there was someone else months before we broke up, she lied and denied it.

I had to find out from him they were dating behind my back. Let this one go, cause trust me, if you dug around, you will more than likely find the same. Time will heal your wounds. But from now on, don't speak to her ever again. It's over. Welcome to adulthood.

October 12, 2014

It's so weird hate this so much I just don't want to feel like this anymore she did say she has been unhappy for so long but she didn't say anything or didn't act like she was as unhappy as she said she's been so that's what's confusing me. Obviously we had bad days, who doesn't but never thought it was as bad as this and get to this stage. Wish I had payed more attention now, like they say, you don't know what you had until you've lost it and I really have lost something special to me. I truly am devastated right now.

Also I didn't mean her feelings had literally changed to zero overnight because your right it's probably been building up for a long time, just feel that there's got to be something left.

Obviously I do have thoughts that there could be someone else involved but she's not that sort of girl she really isn't, and although this has happened I really don't think she would do that to me. When she came and saw my mum on Thursday she assured and promised my mum that she hadn't met anyone else. She has hidden her relationship status in Facebook aswell rather than set it to single because she said she isn't interested in anything and doesn't want people to know and be asking questions. Can't really go by any of that I don't think so who knows what she's up to.

October 12, 2014

Obviously I do have thoughts that there could be someone else involved but she's not that sort of girl she really isn't, and although this has happened I really don't think she would do that to me. When she came and saw my mum on Thursday she assured and promised my mum that she hadn't met anyone else. She has hidden her relationship status in Facebook as well

If I had a dollar for everytime I heard a guy say that, only later to be proven wrong, I'd own Bill Gates.

People "hide" their relationship status on Facebook when there's something to hide. You say that she wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Well she broke up with you, and you didn't see that coming, did ya? Don't put her on a pedestal, you don't know her THAT well.

October 12, 2014

**** knows my head is all over the place got so much running through my mind at the moment. If I'm honest I do think your right and as much as it pains me to say it, deep down I sort of do think there's something dodgy going on somewhere down the line and someone else could be involved.

I really need to pick myself up from this but I'm finding it so hard! I think I am slowly starting to get better but when I have a moment it hits me like a train and it's just unbearable

November 3, 2014

Think you were all right about there being someone else... Seems quite obvious to me now, she's been meeting a boy she met at a festival the week before she split up with me. I'm starting to think that something happened between them when they were there. He's been on her snapchat best friends list ever since aswell so I know they send stuff to each other on there. He lives 2 and a half hours away aswell and she went over there on her own this weekend. Absolutely gutted, makes me feel sick her getting close to another boy. Feels like my hearts been broken all over again.

I think this might be why she split up with me, because she felt guilty? Could be anyway starting to make sense now.

Don't think there's anything I can do to save this now. Haven't spoke for ages last time we did we bumped into each other out in town one night. She said were never getting back together. That she's moved on and I need to move on and when I said to her Surley you've still got some feelings left, she shook her head and pretty much said no. That was 2 weeks ago now and was the first time I had seen her or had contact with her in a month. She blocked me on Facebook at the weekend aswell, I didn't say anything about it to her as she was probably expecting a reaction out of me.

Is this possible gigs syndrome? He lives 2 and a half hours away so can't see it lasting but who knows. Do I ask her to be honest with me and tell me what's going on or what happened at the festival or do I just leave it and stick to no contact?

November 3, 2014

That's it then tonight she has blocked me on snapchat and whatsapp aswell. Blocked me on Facebook last weekend aswell. One by one deleted me from her life. No more chasing from me now she's obviously moving on if not already moved on, guess now I've got to aswell. Thanks for the memories is all I can say really. Absolutley devastated still, 2 months since that awful day.

November 3, 2014

Im sick of people saying others to get over her, forget her, it is a choice and bla bla... These people seems have to have stone hearts.

Kyle7 I feel for you and I know what you are going through as I am going to something similar.

I am not giving up on her but im also careful not to become a stalker, so every know and then I will let myself know to her that I still love her to the ends, and today was such a day and all my feelings got returned crushed!

But im not giving up, in a few weeks I will resume my offensive once more!

November 3, 2014

Im sick of people saying others to get over her, forget her, it is a choice and bla bla... These people seems have to have stone hearts.

Kyle7 I feel for you and I know what you are going through as I am going to something similar.
I am not giving up on her but im also careful not to become a stalker, so every know and then I will let myself know to her that I still love her to the ends, and today was such a day and all my feelings got returned crushed!

But im not giving up, in a few weeks I will resume my offensive once more!

Thanks for the kind words mate it is a very hard time for us all but when people have said to move on etc that really is the best advice for now only to make things easier for yourself as you will only prolong the pain holding on to false hope, a mistake I made.

What I will say to you is don't bother wasting your time on her that's something I've realised the past couple of months. Done everything wrong (begged, acted desperate. I think it's natural to do this when you lose something that means so much to you) and was even meeting her for 3 weeks after the split once a week to try and get somewhere. Went no contact for a month in the hope it would give her a chance to miss me and realise then when I'm bumped into her she just pretty much let rip at me said were never getting back together, she's moved on and I need to and that she doesn't have any feelings left...

Nothing I have done has worked and I can't go on like this anymore I'm torturing myself, her blocking me on everything tonight has really hit me now and made me realise I have actually got to get on with my life now and forget about her.

I can't win her back she has to want to come back and at the moment she doesn't want to and I don't think she ever will.

Honestly mate let her to reach out to you. Don't torture yourself the way I have done to myself. I don't know the circumstances of your break up but I presume she was the one that ended it so honestly let her reach out to you.

Edited November 3, 2014 by Kyle7

November 3, 2014

Thanks for the kind words mate it is a very hard time for us all but when people have said to move on etc that really is the best advice for now only to make things easier for yourself as you will only prolong the pain holding on to false hope, a mistake I made.

What I will say to you is don't bother wasting your time on her that's something I've realised the past couple of months. Done everything wrong (begged, acted desperate. I think it's natural to do this when you lose something that means so much to you) and was even meeting her for 3 weeks after the split once a week to try and get somewhere. Went no contact for a month in the hope it would give her a chance to miss me and realise then when I'm bumped into her she just pretty much let rip at me said were never getting back together, she's moved on and I need to and that she doesn't have any feelings left...

Nothing I have done has worked and I can't go on like this anymore I'm torturing myself, her blocking me on everything tonight has really hit me now and made me realise I have actually got to get on with my life now and forget about her.

I can't win her back she has to want to come back and at the moment she doesn't want to and I don't think she ever will.

Honestly mate let her to reach out to you. Don't torture yourself the way I have done to myself. I don't know the circumstances of your break up but I presume she was the one that ended it so honestly let her reach out to you.

Your advice to me is valuable and indeed if I and you would stop reaching out and starting looking elsewhere for love our wounds would heal much faster, and I hope you do this, but as stubborn as I am, I will not.

As far as I'm concerned she is the only woman I'm capable of loving and if I cant have her Ill remain single forever.

November 3, 2014

Your advice to me is valuable and indeed if I and you would stop reaching out and starting looking elsewhere for love our wounds would heal much faster, and I hope you do this, but as stubborn as I am, I will not.
As far as I'm concerned she is the only woman I'm capable of loving and if I cant have her Ill remain single forever.

I was stubborn aswell my friend and the last thing I ever want to do is give up on this girl. My first love and she will always have a special place in my heart, so many great memories. But it's been 2 months now and nothing, I know 2 months isn't long at all but she's made herself crystal clear to me, although I think she's lied to me about the reasons there's nothing I can do about that now so I've got to cut my losses now and not continue tormenting myself and making things worse for me.

My problem has been moving on, I haven't wanted to move on and get over her. Now I've just got to.

How long were you together mate and how long have you been split up?

November 3, 2014

Background story, was with my girlfriend for 3 years we had break ups in the past only silly ones and one serious one which lasted 2 weeks last year, but this time it's the real thing. She split up with me 6 weeks ago now because her feelings have changed, the classic "I love you but just don't feel in love any more".

For the first 3 weeks we met up a couple of times to see how things went, even spent a night away together. Obviously from meeting her etc it filled me with false hope that everything would be ok and that we would come through this eventually with time and space.

Two days after we spent a night away together I said to her that it's been 3 weeks now and I sort of need to know what's going on because it was filling my with false hope, she still said she didn't know and that she was confused and only time would tell. The day after she said she had made her decsision and that we were going to go our seperate ways because the relationship couldn't be fixed, and that it was unfair on me to keep meeting me and giving me false hope. She also said that she can't and doesn't want to force herself into something she doesn't want anymore.

I'll admit yeah I've begged and came across as desperate but I've backed right off now and going to go the no contact route, been 2 weeks now since I spoke to her, killing me but I know it's the best thing at the moment whilst everything is still fresh.

She's adamant at the moment that it's done but she met my mum the other day whilst I wasent at home and said to her there has been times when she's thought about ringing me but choose not to, to avoid giving me false hope again. Said she's done the right thing for both of us, don't agree with that and that we want different things, disagree with that aswell because we have spoke about a future together many times. Even planned to start saving up for a house at the start of next year.. She did say that in 6 months or so that it might change and we could end up giving it another go as we don't know what the future holds for us.

She's not willing to give things another go at the moment and try and make this work and said she's just given up now and that it's too late. I don't think it's ever to late and I know we can come through this and come out stronger.

Do you think her "in love" feelings can come back without contact or seeing each other and that by going no contact it will give her the chance to miss me. I'm missing her so so much and really just want her back and let me prove her that I really mean it that things will be different now. Literally can't bear the thought of her not being a part of my life.

Any help and views on my situation would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Since most people on this forum choose to not answer op question and just say move on, I'll answer it. YES you can get her back by going NC and there is a chance she will come back from missing you. However, you should not WAIT for that to happen. You need to use this as a chance to grow for YOURSELF so that if she does come back you are improved. But make sure it's for yourself and not for her. YES nc can get people back, but again, don't just sit around moping waiting for it to happen. The time will pass anyway so make it productive.

November 3, 2014

If you ignore her for a month they might come back but I don't know,she has said she's not in love with you anymore you should believe her.

November 3, 2014

And if she does come back, how will you feel?

I went through exactly the same with my ex-girlfriend, my first love.

It was 3.5 years of perfection, she was the most loving, attentive (almost clingy) girlfriend I could have ever wished for. She would bake cupcakes for me and walk for half an hour to surprise me with them at work. She made me promise to marry her, and have children together, I wanted to with all my heart. We had just travelled the world together, to places like Tahiti and the Cook Islands. We were inseparable, her family adored me. I would never in a million lifetimes have thought she would do what she did.

But guess what.. when we got back she met a new bloke at work. Slowly but surely she got more distant, and after I caught her out in a couple of lies (and found out she had stayed the night at his) told me she didn't know who she wanted to be with.

I did all the wrong things, understandably, begging and pleading with her to stay, trying to persuade her how good we were etc.

Guys, from someone who has been through it, you have to let her go!

I eventually had an epiphany and realised if she came back I would feel like her second choice. She dumped a guy (me) who would have died for her, and given everything of himself to make her happy, so she could spread her legs for a tattooed bad boy ("a bit of a b**tard" in her words). So I stopped contact with her.

Sure enough, after a couple of weeks she started making noises about getting back together. All that did was fill me with a sinking feeling, so I politely refused.

We still talk every couple of months, I don't hate her, we have friendly chats. But I know I could never trust her or give her my heart to break again.

18 months later, she's still with him, and I'm all alone, and have been single since it happened. I honestly can't imagine meeting someone else, and loving them and having them love me back to be honest, and it's crushing.

But at the same time, at least I'm free in case it happens, rather than being with someone who doesn't really love me.

Stay strong guys, I wish you all the best!

November 3, 2014

I was stubborn aswell my friend and the last thing I ever want to do is give up on this girl. My first love and she will always have a special place in my heart, so many great memories. But it's been 2 months now and nothing, I know 2 months isn't long at all but she's made herself crystal clear to me, although I think she's lied to me about the reasons there's nothing I can do about that now so I've got to cut my losses now and not continue tormenting myself and making things worse for me.

My problem has been moving on, I haven't wanted to move on and get over her. Now I've just got to.

How long were you together mate and how long have you been split up?

4 weeks but I knew from the start, she the only one for me Ive waited all my life. And now im afraid Ill never see her again

Everything feels and tastes so colorless without her in my life and im worried if anything bad could happen to her one day.

November 4, 2014

Hey man, I wish I can explain to you my situation. Basically the exact, and I mean the exact same situation you're at. Including the I can't keep doing this to you because it's giving you false hope. And yes we also tried to "make it work" for 3 weeks and tried for an answer and she kept saying she didn't know. It was like reading my own story. Anyways what's the update on your ex? Anything? I know it's hard man, I caved and texted my ex on Halloween because I found out she was going out with a group of friends so I felt lonely and upset. Anyways just seeing how yours is going.

November 4, 2014

Hey man, I wish I can explain to you my situation. Basically the exact, and I mean the exact same situation you're at. Including the I can't keep doing this to you because it's giving you false hope. And yes we also tried to "make it work" for 3 weeks and tried for an answer and she kept saying she didn't know. It was like reading my own story. Anyways what's the update on your ex? Anything? I know it's hard man, I caved and texted my ex on Halloween because I found out she was going out with a group of friends so I felt lonely and upset. Anyways just seeing how yours is going.

No updates mate I think it's done for good and I've got no chance of getting her back. Last time I spoke or saw her was when we bumped into each other 2 weeks ago. Had been a month no contact then aswell so was quite over whelmed to see her. But she said were never getting back together, she's moved on and I need to and when I asked if she had any feelings left she pretty much said no.

Pretty sure she's meeting up with someone else already, think it could be a case of gigs syndrome but I can't be sure. Just getting on with my life now obviously I'm devastated and heartbroken but nothing I can do now, hopefully she'll realise.

Stay strong brother

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She left me, I can't let go and want her back!!

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