newdaynewstart Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 So ladies...you ready for this one? I am not saying that this is the case for your MM's but I never thought that this was for mine either. My short version to my story is this. MM and I started over a year ago. Our relationships has had our ups and downs with me at times being able to handle it all and others where it drives me crazy to not have him in my life. Thanks to this board...I have opened my eyes up to what this relationships is all about. Off and on these past few month I have attempted to do the NC things with MM and then of course go back to the we can be friends. I told my self Sunday that I was going to initiate NC Monday without giving him any answers. Just no responding to his emails, texts, calls. Well...that did not last too long... Here is the thing though...I went out with this cute SG on Saturday and have been talking to him all week. I am usually one to kind of blow off men if I do not get a vibe that I would be interested in seeing them more than one date...but I really enjoy his conversation and curious to get to know him. I think because of this it is making me stronger to stick to my guns with MM and literally be his friend. So...MM and I were emailing today. He is one of those people in my life that literally we can discuss anything. So we started asking each other all of these questions...I know weird...but we were playing the question game. I think I kind of iniatied it because I wanted to get to the bottom of him. So I started it off like...what is your favorite holiday...that kind of questions. So we led into of course more fun ones and I asked him how many times he has sex a week with the W. And he tells me 4-5. WOW! As pissed off as I wanted to be about it...it was more like a wake up call...I felt sorry for him thinking he got married because W got pregnant and than I was really his soul mate. Bull ****! He is completely okay with W I think. Knowing that..I do not think I can ever even continue this with him as an OW. I mean...seriously...thanks for sharing with me how little I mean to you. The sad part of it all is that everytime I initiate NC or tell him I am dating someone...which I have pretended to be being the past month...he acts like he can't live without me in his life. Well ya know what...I am going to keep talking to the nice SG and whether or not it amounts to anything who cares...and forget about the MM. Part of me even wonders if I even want to be his friend hearing him say he has sex 4-5 times a week and then has the never to ask me how I do not feel like I mean anything to him. HA! So...this is terrible but I am going to continue to ask him the questions and get the answers I need to know. The answers I was always too afraid to ask until now... MM is completley blowing it and he does not even know it. Any words of wisdom?
tanbark813 Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 So the guy sleeps with his wife regularly and kept those details hidden from you. Wow, what a shocker. Someone call Unsolved Mysteries. Of course you don't mean much to him, he's married to someone else.
HokeyReligions Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Sometimes wake-up calls are painful. No contact is the best way to go. MM is completley blowing it and he does not even know it. This is what I find disturbing. In my opinion he "blew it" the second he made a decision to cheat on his wife.
Author newdaynewstart Posted March 9, 2005 Author Posted March 9, 2005 Tanbark813, I wanted to be pissed at you but instead I found myself laughing at how stupid I am! You are 100% right! I obvioulsy don't mean that much to him! I just did not want to face that fact until now...and him exposing that key little piece of information is sure as heck a start!
Sad Flower Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Ummmmmmmmmm He is a MARRIED MAN no duh he will be sleeping with his wife!!!!!!!! Keep with the NC!!!!
tanbark813 Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Originally posted by newdaynewstart Tanbark813, I wanted to be pissed at you but instead I found myself laughing at how stupid I am! You are 100% right! I obvioulsy don't mean that much to him! I just did not want to face that fact until now...and him exposing that key little piece of information is sure as heck a start! I know it was harsh, but man, I see these kinds of posts in the OM/OW forum alllllll the time and it just boggles my mind. No matter how much an OW might think she means to a MM, the bottom line is: if he's married to someone else instead of you, you mean less to him than who he's married to. I guarantee it. 99% of the time they're just out for extra sex, nothing more.
Debster Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Not only is he a cheater, he's also an idiot. What did he think your response would be? It just goes to show that sometimes a person has an affair not because they are unhappy or in a bad relationship but just because they can. Some people will bang as many people as they can as a game. Good riddance! Keep up the NC and good luck with the SG.
izzybelle Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 some will lie about it and some are actually telling the truth as surprising as that might be. 1st MM told me it was infrequent, i was like yeah, right, whatever. but now later, after it's long over, his W tells me the same thing!!! anyway, regardless... keep up the NC!!!!!!
KissMyTiara Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 You know, honestly, 4-5 times a week really, really, really does surprise me. REALLY. The A sometimes IS all about sex for a MM, sometimes it's more. Sometimes he's not getting attention (and by that I mean kudos, affection, "thank you"s, quality time), and that's what drives him to find someone who will give him all the attention. Other times, he's just a horny bastard who wants to stick his d!ck in another woman. In either case, if he's having sex 4-5 times a week with the woman he married, it seems he wouldn't even need to have an A... Weird.
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 Find the closure within yourself. Don't go looking for answers with him because no matter what he says to you or how he answers you may not like what you're gonna hear. Believe that what you once shared meant something at one point, but you both have outgrown eachother and now it is time to move on. I don't mean this in the way it sounds, sorry if I sound harsh, not meant to. (most)Men do not think as women do. They don't analyze this and that, wonder reactions, take things the wrong way...You can sit there thinking of him 24/7, wondering and hoping he's thinking of you just as much. Chances are he isn't - Not only because he is married but because MEN CAN TURN IT OFF completely. Don't give him the power and ego boost. You have it now, let him wonder about you. A week goes by and he hasn't heard from you most definately he'll try and contact you. Could be he really does miss you or it's his ego and NEED to know that you still want him, think of him and desire him. OFCOURSE he enjoys it, who wouldn't?? He is having his cake and eating it too! With a sh*t eating grin on his face to boot! You will never know exactly how many times he makes love to his wife. DO you really want to know? Take a 'who cares, why bother' attitude and detach yourself from him. Put your walls up so he won't hurt you anymore.
MsMree Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 I know it hurts - but i'd rather hurt by the truth than be blind and giddy wth ignorance!! I wouldn't even bother w/the questions game!!! Most likely you will get so damn mad by what you find out that you won't be able to control it - then you'll probably confront him - then what good is the whole NC anyway (which you have disregarded - EZ to do but with BAD consequences). Being friends w/your MM/MW seems to cheapen what we THINK we had anyway - I will be more likely to handle NC if i convince myself he is pining away for me. LOL!!! JUST HOLD YOUR HEAD-UP GIRL!!! GRAB ONTO SG AND HAVE A BLAST!!!
reservoirdog1 Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 I've got to say, I've never really understood how anybody can happily be an OP, especially where they feel something for the MM/MW. It's not that the OP suspects that their "partner" is having sex with somebody else... usually they know it. And yet they're OK with that? Gawd, being deceived by one's partner is torture enough. I would question the self-respect of anybody who stays with a cheating spouse who is still involved in an affair -- they're basically allowing their spouse to rub their nose in the fact that they're f*cking somebody else. The cheater is doing the same thing with their OP, only the OPs seem to be happy with it. OPs seem to be willing to settle for very little. They accept a "relationship" with somebody they know is a liar and a cheat, who is still in many ways (including emotionally) still very much tied to somebody else. Not sure I'll ever understand the mentality. Oh well... takes all kinds, I guess.
newby Posted March 9, 2005 Posted March 9, 2005 wheeee! here we go again look around-nobody is happy with it!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 times a week IS alot!SHOCKING!mind you i once said to my mm after his usual moaning about the w- i bet your marriage is really good really! and he looked guilty! also i did ask him about sex he said it hadnt happened the whole time, im quite sure he was lying but i would be really surprised if it was that often!
Kengne Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 So the guy sleeps with his wife regularly and kept those details hidden from you. Wow, what a shocker. Someone call Unsolved Mysteries. Of course you don't mean much to him, he's married to someone else. This is straight to the point! K.
aloneinTX Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by newdaynewstart The sad part of it all is ...he acts like he can't live without me in his life. Any words of wisdom? The sadder part is that you are so easy, why would he want to give up an easy piece
ww Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 I suggest you go buy a gun and shoot him for cheating on you
sami Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 You shouldn't say this. this's not a good suggestion at all. If shooting is the only solution many men and women will loose thier lives. I don't agree with this at all.
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