Am I wrong to be mad?

[candicane]

So a good friend of mine, Kevin (male) cancels plans with me to go to a sporting event (I had free tickets that I got through another set of friends). Two days later he tells me his friend, Aaron, offered him a ticket to go with him to the same sporting event & he now he decides he wants to go (these tickets were paid for by Aaron, spur of the moment--supposedly. Aaron had tickets the previous weekend's game & couldn't go so he gave them to us to use and Kevin felt bad turning Aaron down)

 

When Kevin cancelled for this weekend, the reasons he gave were: Weather is suppose to be real iffy (lots of rain moving through--pretty hit and miss), traffic (we ran into some big problems the weekend before), it's an early game (we would have to be up & ready by 9am-ish for football which we were kind of iffy about), the team we were rooting for was a heavy favorite (20+ points), and the people we would be with (who got us the free tickets) were a bit high maintenance.

 

So instead of going, he suggested that we hang out regardless and watch football at either his house or mine, and tailgate in comfort and less stress. While I was a little let down, I did see his point, had similar concerns and since we did go the week before, was over all okay with it. I called my friends with the free tickets and gave them our regrets.

 

When he told me a couple of days later he now was offered a ticket to go and he said he was going, needless to say I was pretty P.O.ed. Aaron is a widower, doesn't have a lot of friends, wanted to go the weekend before but couldn't so he gave us the tickets, apparently paid for these tickets, plus he's a guy who's just as a big fanatic about the team as Kevin is, and the people who had our free tickets can be a little bit of a handful---I totally get that, but the long standing plans we had were just really messed up and totally disregarded. All those reasons he gave me about not wanting to go were just BS. So now he said "We can hang out all day Sunday & watch Sunday football" as a way to make it up to me. Quite frankly, I am almost not in the mood to do so since I feel that my weekend plans were ruined. I can't go with my friends because those free tickets are gone and I'd be a third wheel anyway. Am I wrong to feel mad or slighted? It's a crappy situation for certain.

[kjohn]

I wouldn't say you are wrong to be mad, but I would recommend that you let it go.

 

It's not worth an argument or potentially the loss of a friend.

 

It sounds like you agree with a lot of his reasoning. So maybe his excuses were BS. Maybe he just doesn't like your other friends and didn't have the heart to tell you. He is obviously a big sports fan so when he got a better offer to go and watch the game with somebody he would actually have fun with, he took it. I'm sure he would have had fun if it were just you and him. Maybe his problem with spending time with your other friends???

 

It is a little rude what he did, but I just recently learned the hard way that letting it go is better than losing a friend.

 

If you don't want to spend time with him on Sunday then don't. Maybe take some time away from him. Give yourself enough time so that you don't feel angry about it anymore and then just carry on with your friendship.

 

If this becomes a pattern in your friendship with this guy where he makes plans with you and then breaks them, leaving you stranded with no plans while he goes off and does something else….then I would reconsider the friendship.

[candicane]

You're right...I should try to let it go. Sleeping on it definitely helped. I think the total disregard for what was going to happen to me is what annoys me the most, although I am a big girl and can make my own plans lol. It's just in some ways he seemed a little cavalier about it. Out of everyone involved (him, his friend and my friends), I'm the only one "stuck" at home with completely broken plans.

 

Still in limbo if I want to hang out on Sunday or not. Doing so will help me let it go but at the same time, I don't want him (or anyone) to feel that it's okay to do what he did or that I'm more than willing to lap up the consolation prize. I'm usually very understanding and accommodating with friends which can get me in trouble or burned at times. I know he was put in a bad situation by Aaron in some degree, but still frustrating.

 

Thanks for your response. You definitely are right about taking the high road about letting it go.

[mightycpa]

You're right...I should try to let it go.

By the way, while you're letting it go, you wouldn't be out of line to say how ****ty that was and not to do it again. Then you can put it behind you. Otherwise, it may be perceived as repeatable.

[kjohn]

Don't make excuses for him.

 

He was not put in a bad situation by Aaron. He received an invitation to a sporting event. He is a big boy and he knows the difference between right and wrong.

 

He could have said no thank you. I don't think it would be right to accept your invitation since I already told Candicane that I didn't want to go to the game with her and we have already made plans to watch the game at home.

 

Instead, he accepted the invitation with really no regard for how it would make you feel.

 

Might be an insight into the kind of person that he is. Nobody forced him to accept that invitation. He was selfish. Plain and simple.

 

I completely disagree with mightycpa, though. Telling him how ****ty it was of him to do that will likely only fuel an argument and there really is no point in that.

 

You can let it go without saying anything to him. Actions speak louder than words. Don't invite him the next time you have tickets. Invite somebody who won't stand you up instead.