goldbond Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 It's strange, but I find it helps me when I look at my exes social media pages. I've blocked him on facebook but I will check his instagram on occasion. Is it healthy? Maybe not, but when I see a photo here or there with (I can only assume) the new lady in his life it really reminds me that it's OVER. and it's nice to see him happy as well. anyone else or am i a lone wolf here?
JDPT Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 It's familiar and "comforting" to see and indulge in old hurt. You will come to realize in due time that it's utterly detrimental to your emotional recovery. It's best to refrain yourself from looking at social media all together. Focus on you as you are all that matters from this point forward, nurture yourself. 3
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 It's strange, but I find it helps me when I look at my exes social media pages. I've blocked him on facebook but I will check his instagram on occasion. Is it healthy? Maybe not, but when I see a photo here or there with (I can only assume) the new lady in his life it really reminds me that it's OVER. and it's nice to see him happy as well. anyone else or am i a lone wolf here? I think I can understand where you're coming from on that. For me, I know that seeing a picture of the ex with another woman for the first time would initially be totally devastating and I'd probably obsess over it for a day or so. But I think after having it put right out there, the proof that he's moved on, would be like a door slamming in my mind and a knife cutting the last of the ties keeping me holding on. That being said, if you keep checking up on him and his new girl, that's not good for you either. It could be just because you want to reiterate the fact that it really is over, or it could be because, on some level, you're waiting to see if it works out. How would you feel if you found out they broke up? Would your hope be renewed that he'd come back? Sounds like a trip back to square one that could potentially be in the making. Either way. Keeping tabs for whatever reason keeps him in your mind and as a one-sided part of your life that you don't need. But, if that's what you need to get past this for the time being then I'm not one to shoot it down. I'll just strongly recommend against it. The sooner he's out of your life in every way the sooner you can start living your own new one, right?
Jet Lag Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 It would not be healthy for me. Doesn't stop me thinking about checking but I have stopped myself and hope I continue to do so. I do hope in the future I can be happy if he has a partner who treats him well and loves him and he loves her.
AaronSG Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Keeping tabs, social media, no way! Personally it's been over 4 weeks since I deleted my Facebook account and to be honest, I think it's one of the smartest choices I've made as to support myself in my recovery. I understand wanting to keep tabs and all, I was guilty of doing the same. But at some point I had to draw the line and realize that this "keeping tabs" thing wasn't healthy. For me I started to feel that on one of my check ins of my ex-fiance on Facebook was like toying with a ticking time bomb, I didn't want the bomb going off in my face with any hard reality that I might see on her page. I didn't want to take a chance of seeing anything that my already emotionally handicapped mind at the time couldn't handle. Plus I felt that even an innocent little check of her page was breaking "no contact"! If you can handle it, more power to you, my hat goes off to you, but for me, it's like playing with fire and I don't want to get burned.........ignorance is bliss!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Sounds about as enjoyable as jamming shards of broken glass into my veins. 3
Haydn Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 All of this. It's familiar and "comforting" to see and indulge in old hurt. You will come to realize in due time that it's utterly detrimental to your emotional recovery. It's best to refrain yourself from looking at social media all together. Focus on you as you are all that matters from this point forward, nurture yourself.
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