Woggle Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Nobody should be a doormat but my wife earned my loyalty because she there for the hard times. We survived my ex trying to shoot us and natural disaster together and we are stronger for it.
LoneIsland Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 The thing is people can "like it" but just not "need it" the way some do In healthy men, the need is not optional. If a woman is inconsiderate or ignorant enough to disregard that need, then there is very little reason why a man would want to share anything with her or care for her. For "good" girls who insist on the sharing and caring, this is precisely what prevents them from getting the sharing and caring. Sex may appear like a trivial handshake to you, its effect is far greater in men. It is the root of their emotional connection that enables sharing and caring. 1
preraph Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 ^ And yet, so many men would happily bone a variety of women they cared absolutely nothing about, so pardon us women if we don't choose to ignore that half of the equation. Plus, why is the weight on women to fulfill the man's intrinsic needs any more than it's on the man's to fulfill the woman's, which admittedly are different and not sex-centric? That's the crux of the matter why everyone who's ever had a long-term relationship says it requires a lot of compromise. In the wise words of one of the world's most avid players: "You can't always get what you want." 1
TigerLilly78 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 In healthy men, the need is not optional. If a woman is inconsiderate or ignorant enough to disregard that need, then there is very little reason why a man would want to share anything with her or care for her. For "good" girls who insist on the sharing and caring, this is precisely what prevents them from getting the sharing and caring. Sex may appear like a trivial handshake to you, its effect is far greater in men. It is the root of their emotional connection that enables sharing and caring. So your saying "healthy men" NEED to bone everything that walks with in the first stages of dating in order to connect? and any women such as myself who wouldn't give in to a mans NEED to sleep around is inconsiderate and rude? I never said sex is like a hand shake to me I said most others treat it as casually as a handshake now a days..if a man cant begin to form a emotional connection with me with out sex involved then hes not one I would be interested in dating. Cause to me sex is a part of a healthy loving relationship not the catalyst for one..I don't get something ive seen men bash on women for being to easy on here yet when one says shes not she is also bashed interesting indeed...
LoneIsland Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) ^ And yet, so many men would happily bone a variety of women they cared absolutely nothing about, so pardon us women if we don't choose to ignore that half of the equation. Plus, why is the weight on women to fulfill the man's intrinsic needs any more than it's on the man's to fulfill the woman's, which admittedly are different and not sex-centric? That's the crux of the matter why everyone who's ever had a long-term relationship says it requires a lot of compromise. In the wise words of one of the world's most avid players: "You can't always get what you want." So many *WOULD* bone a variety of women to get a connection so that they could care and share with them. But how many *ACTUALLY* boned a variety of women ? Not that many. Women's interests are more or less focused on the small number of players who had worked out the female weaknesses. Those players can bone all the women they want, and women would still be queuing up for them. The vast majority of men are not in that situation. The purpose of their boning would be completely different. I never said the weight of men's needs fall on women. What I am saying is that the "good" girl's insistence on her needs being fulfilled by men before she would consider the men's needs doesn't work. It's very possible that she doesn't even know what needs are in men because every man she tried with in the past had walked away. So she had no opportunity to come to an understanding of men. For the "good" girls, their best bet is with virgin males. This variety of males would be willing to gamble greater through ignorance. Edited October 12, 2014 by LoneIsland
LoneIsland Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 So your saying "healthy men" NEED to bone everything that walks with in the first stages of dating in order to connect? and any women such as myself who wouldn't give in to a mans NEED to sleep around is inconsiderate and rude? I never said sex is like a hand shake to me I said most others treat it as casually as a handshake now a days..if a man cant begin to form a emotional connection with me with out sex involved then hes not one I would be interested in dating. Cause to me sex is a part of a healthy loving relationship not the catalyst for one..I don't get something ive seen men bash on women for being to easy on here yet when one says shes not she is also bashed interesting indeed... I am saying healthy men would be inconsiderate of your needs if you are inconsiderate of theirs. So which men are bashing women for being too easy ? Also where are these easy women at ? I don't see them in this threads. I presume they must be in some granny's thread. 1
Emilia Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Yeah. I definitely get where you're coming from. I definitely have my boundaries and things I won't stand for in a relationship. I am not a doormat, but I supported my boyfriend for four months while he was unemployed thinking that was what I should do because I loved him. I realize now it hurt my relationship more than it ever helped. That may not have been you, it's hard to tell without more detail. Some men are funny when it comes to dealing with stressful times if they feel they are on the back foot somehow. I don't know how bad it got for him but there seem to be two types: those that will see you as loyal and marry you and those that will place their ego before their need for you and push you away. You said it was difficult already and there was a lot of conflict, he is probably the latter. That's not your fault.
StanMusial Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Most guys I know, including me, when they find a good one they put a ring on it. Good is good, bad is bad. I guess that means different things to different people... I don't understand it but it seems to a lot of people "nice guy" means "passive aggressive", or "doormat", or any another non-desirable term you could imagine - to the same people who would defend dating felons and criminals. Criminals who have been locked up for activities deemed by society as a whole to be "bad". That's not just my opinion or the opinion of any number of people in this obscure corner of the internet, that's a matter of fact.
Tayken Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 "You can't always get what you want." But this is NOT true. If you have money, power i.e. the right connections, you will always get what you want. but it seems to a lot of people "nice guy" means "passive aggressive", or "doormat" ^ This is what most women want for keeps i.e. the reliable type that will put a roof over their heads, hand over their pay cheques, pay for the lavish vacations etc. When it comes to the bedroom business however, they prefer the opposite guy And yet, so many men would happily bone a variety of women they cared absolutely nothing about, Wrong, unless you claim to know me personally? This is the problem with some women out there, they walk around thinking every man out there will shag them if they offered it...WRONG. Some of us aren't that desperate, and in all honesty I'll rather play with myself sometimes.
TigerLilly78 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I am saying healthy men would be inconsiderate of your needs if you are inconsiderate of theirs. So which men are bashing women for being too easy ? Also where are these easy women at ? I don't see them in this threads. I presume they must be in some granny's thread. So your saying wanting to wait until there is some sort of a stable relationship with a man before having sex is inconsiderate? so I guess sex on the first or second date is "doing right" by a guy? I really don't understand your thinking in your view sex is pretty much the most important thing in a relationship instead of being a part of one it is almost the women's duty to give into the mans "NEED" to get laid as quickly as possible..what ever happned to getting to know a person and forming a connection before sleeping with them? Far the the threads im talking about just have a look thu these boards "my gfs sexual past bothers me" Or "she told me how many men shes slept with" yadda yadda those are just examples of course but im sure if I looked I could find them I know ive seen threads of a similar nature on here.. The only problem I have run into with the girls who insist on their goodness is that many of these women tend to be obese. In that case, while it's great that she is a good woman, I just can't bring myself to try and date her. Why am I not surprised you mention a women's weight? really..I think I could start a thread about paint drying and some how you would work in overweight women..lmao But ok ill add my two cents since you brought this up actually from my experience overweight women are more likely to put out early on in a relationship because of their insecurities and often low self easteam. Men know this and will pray on them I use to be like this until I wised up and learned how to value and care for myself..and what healthy long term relationships should really be like vs being used or having a **ck buddy..
LoneIsland Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 (edited) So your saying wanting to wait until there is some sort of a stable relationship with a man before having sex is inconsiderate? so I guess sex on the first or second date is "doing right" by a guy? I really don't understand your thinking in your view sex is pretty much the most important thing in a relationship instead of being a part of one it is almost the women's duty to give into the mans "NEED" to get laid as quickly as possible..what ever happned to getting to know a person and forming a connection before sleeping with them? Far the the threads im talking about just have a look thu these boards "my gfs sexual past bothers me" Or "she told me how many men shes slept with" yadda yadda those are just examples of course but im sure if I looked I could find them I know ive seen threads of a similar nature on here.. I said nothing about a woman having a duty. Nor does she need to have sex after x number of dates or even ever. I am just saying men will walk away when they consider there is no way to establishing a connection. Their way of establishing a connection and your way is just different. Edited October 12, 2014 by LoneIsland 1
TigerLilly78 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I said nothing about a woman having a duty. Nor does she need to have sex after x number of dates or even ever. I am just saying men will walk away when they consider there is no way to establishing a connection. Their way of establishing a connection and your way is just different. So your saying men cannot establish a connection with out sex?
LoneIsland Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 So your saying men cannot establish a connection with out sex? Some can and most probably couldn't. You have to look at your own statistics and see how many seeming good guys have walked off. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I feel like I am fairly attractive, and I feel even more so that I am a really good person and girl to be with. When I love someone I do all I can for them. Seems like I don't have good luck with relationships though. Usually I do too much. Do guys really want a good girl? Or the challenge of a bad girl? Here's my take. Good girls. They're great. They really are. In almost every way. Except, if a good girl rejects you, you feel about a thousand times worse than when a "bad" girl rejects you. And, good girls will never let you know they're not interested. They will string you along in an effort (a noble effort to be sure) to "spare your feelings". Which is why they can be difficult to try to date.
TigerLilly78 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Some can and most probably couldn't. You have to look at your own statistics and see how many seeming good guys have walked off. I guess im lucky the one im with now is a good guy and hes still around mostly looking back the dush bags users or married men wanted to hop in the sack soon as possible...just saying...judeging from my own statistics that is of course..
LoneIsland Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I guess im lucky the one im with now is a good guy and hes still around mostly looking back the dush bags users or married men wanted to hop in the sack soon as possible...just saying...judeging from my own statistics that is of course.. Ok then. He's a good one. If he walks off, then he's a bad one. 1
carhill Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 When I refer to a "good" girl, I mean women that show when they care, express it, are loyal and supportive.. and don't play games with their guys emotions. When I refer to a "bad" girl, I mean the type of women that don't really contribute a lot to their relationship, maybe lie, cheat... play games. Try to make their guys jealous, make the relationship all about them. Most healthy men prefer a partner in line with your definition of a 'good girl'. However, and this is the tricky part, 'bad girls' can mask good girl behaviors during the limerence/emotional attachment phase as a social hack to get good guys to like them. Oh, the stories I could tell from first person experience. Hoovers can be fakers and many are. So, at the tail end of that road, color me a bit skeptical about the whole thing.
Mister Zen Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I guess im lucky the one im with now is a good guy and hes still around mostly looking back the dush bags users or married men wanted to hop in the sack soon as possible...just saying...judeging from my own statistics that is of course.. I think the main point LoneIsland was trying to make is.. its not all about YOU and what YOU want. Does that make sense? Good.
TigerLilly78 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I think the main point LoneIsland was trying to make is.. its not all about YOU and what YOU want. Does that make sense? Good. Your right to a degree when in a long term relationship it is a give and take but until such a relashionship is established I do not owe any man anything including sex no matter how much he may "NEED" it...its then his choice to decide if im worth the wait its pretty simple to me anyways..my body is about ME and who I decide to share it with..
Trane Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 First of all. Define what is a good girl? What are the qualities associated with being good? When sex, relationships, drugs, alcohol and all that typical growing up experimental stuff gets talked about, a person's good status might be viewed as bad even though she could be the nicest, sweetest, caring woman you could ever meet.
Emilia Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 So your saying men cannot establish a connection with out sex? I don't look to establish connection without sex. It's not a male thing.
LoneIsland Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 until such a relashionship is established I do not owe any man anything including sex no matter how much he may "NEED" it Men don't owe you a relationship no matter how badly you need it. We give it only when we feel like it. 1
Tayken Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I do not owe any man anything including sex no matter how much he may "NEED" it I think you are speaking for both sexes here, and NOT just yourself. The last person I asked to remind me why I owe them anything was my ex...she was unable to convince me and a Judge
TigerLilly78 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Men don't owe you a relationship no matter how badly you need it. We give it only when we feel like it. Fair enough and thats ur right there are men who want a committed long term relashionship instead of a quick lay those are clearly the men im looking for in the end its finding some one your compatible with I don't do casual sex thats my choice...
LoneIsland Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Fair enough and thats ur right there are men who want a committed long term relashionship instead of a quick lay those are clearly the men im looking for in the end its finding some one your compatible with I don't do casual sex thats my choice... Most men would not do relationships with women who show no concern for them. It's not really a question of compatibility, just common sense. 1
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