Ryan R. Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I think this is a really important question to ask because I feel as if I can't really grasp this concept. It seems like virtually everyone I know or have ever heard of just "stumbled" into a relationship. I'm not necessarily talking about a committed, monogamous relationship. Just one that involves the opposite sex. For someone like me, it seems that I have to try to even get close to that. I can't think of the number of times I've heard something along the lines of "well, I just got feelings for her and it just happened." It's like a human experience. These days lately, I am seriously asking myself the question of if I am really human and if I deserve to be part of this experience. For years, I've felt like an outsider in a way. Didn't have sex in high school. Never dated. Never felt what love could be. I'm never what a girl is looking for. Everyday, I see people falling in love and I ask myself "why can't that be me". With all the girls I've ever met, not one was into me? That just makes me understand that I'm not human. I've never felt human. It just all seems so strange to me that whenever the deck is shuffled, I'm always dealt a bad hand.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Well relationships are not all the same, some go by physical stand points, as they find pleasure in attraction. Others are more interested in connection as attraction, or a mix of both types of attraction. Relationships need trust and understanding... so if you find someone you can trust as well as being trusted within the same levels, you can form a personal relationship outside of friends.
Gloria25 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I think guys pull a woman by the head and drag her to his cave...literally. Oops, that's what actual cavemen do...those were the days when/where everything was so simple and guys "took charge" I'm joking...^^ Anywho, good topic, I'm curious...I mean, those romantic movies make falling in love come together like a puzzle that "fits". I don't know, everyone's circumstance is different. Some actively are seeking (i.e. OLD, single meet-ups, family/friend referrals) and, I guess some people just get attached to someone they've been around and/or spent time with (i.e. a friend, co-worker, classmate, etc).
cerridwen Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I think this is a really important question to ask because I feel as if I can't really grasp this concept. It seems like virtually everyone I know or have ever heard of just "stumbled" into a relationship. I'm not necessarily talking about a committed, monogamous relationship. Just one that involves the opposite sex. For someone like me, it seems that I have to try to even get close to that. I can't think of the number of times I've heard something along the lines of "well, I just got feelings for her and it just happened." It's like a human experience. These days lately, I am seriously asking myself the question of if I am really human and if I deserve to be part of this experience. For years, I've felt like an outsider in a way. Didn't have sex in high school. Never dated. Never felt what love could be. I'm never what a girl is looking for. Everyday, I see people falling in love and I ask myself "why can't that be me". With all the girls I've ever met, not one was into me? That just makes me understand that I'm not human. I've never felt human. It just all seems so strange to me that whenever the deck is shuffled, I'm always dealt a bad hand. I can't address the "not feeling human" part of your predicament but I'm familiar with the stumbling into relationships phenomenon. It's fairly common in my circle. I've noticed that it happens to people with the "most surface area." Not to say they're fat, but rather they are highly active, engaged in life, and thereby expose themselves to a lot of people. Some are intoverts, most are extroverts. All of varying degrees of conventional attractivness, age, and financial means. But they share a commonality of involvement. How is your engagement with life? Are you isolating at all?
Mister Zen Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Even though no one likes to admit it.. relationships form based on mutual benefit. Each person sees something they want from the other person. In other words.. people use each other. The higher your rank in society, the more you have to offer and thus the easier it is to make friends/get dates. 1
RonaldS Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 I've stumbled...oftentimes backward...into every relationship I've ever had.
Author Ryan R. Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 I can't address the "not feeling human" part of your predicament but I'm familiar with the stumbling into relationships phenomenon. How is your engagement with life? Are you isolating at all? I don't feel human because I haven't experienced this basic thing. My engagement is pretty high. I go to bars and happy hours with friends. Make new friends at work. Have had a lot of involvement in different organizations in college. I would say I'm introverted but still social.
salparadise Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Even though no one likes to admit it.. relationships form based on mutual benefit. Each person sees something they want from the other person. In other words.. people use each other. The higher your rank in society, the more you have to offer and thus the easier it is to make friends/get dates. You're not wrong in a sense, but you're cynicism is showing. It's not quite as simple as buying a fish at the market. But it is true that societal rank matters- more so for men. The attraction and socialization factors that underlie a person's proclivity to form attachments, fall in love, and maintain strong alliances and friendships throughout life are complex. Much of it seems to be innate, and some of it acquired. People expend a great deal of time and energy trying to better understand in order to increase their odds for success... so much that thousands of people spend countless numbers of hours discussing the tinniest nuances at great length on internet message boards.
Mister Zen Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 You're not wrong in a sense, but you're cynicism is showing. It's not quite as simple as buying a fish at the market. But it is true that societal rank matters- more so for men. The attraction and socialization factors that underlie a person's proclivity to form attachments, fall in love, and maintain strong alliances and friendships throughout life are complex. Much of it seems to be innate, and some of it acquired. People expend a great deal of time and energy trying to better understand in order to increase their odds for success... so much that thousands of people spend countless numbers of hours discussing the tinniest nuances at great length on internet message boards. What cynicism? The only reason its not as simple as "buying a fish at the market" is because people evolve, learn and mature over time... which leads to changes in values, and needs. So someone who is good for you in high school might not be good for you when you're 30. But it still comes down to using and being used.
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