mattsdv1986 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Hope someone can help me out with some advice. My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 6 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this. After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isnt dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again. We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people of if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter. Since then, she has checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I am doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I give in and talk, she totally reverts and becomes cold and mean. When I say we need to not talk, she gets extremely angry and freaks out about old arguments. It came to a head a 2 months when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and that we had out shot. 2 days after this (2.5 months after the breakup), she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new (nothing serious) and freaked out. Said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else. She then said that she felt betrayed that I can move on so quickly and she is taking time to heal and I am now in a "serious relationship" (which is so far from it when I want to be with her). She then texted me 2 days after this if we could have a serious conversation - I agreed, but she came back saying she didn’t need to and there was no point and nothing I could say would make her not feel hurt, but maybe I could email her and she might listen to how I feel. I just left it with maybe it’s not the best time for us to talk, and when things have calmed down we could have a discussion. Since then she has literally blocked me on all forms of communication. About 2 month after she told me she missed me etc) (present), she becomes extremely indifferent, almost professional-like when speaking to me. I find out from a friend she is dating someone else and he is "making her really happy." After trying to meet up with her for a drink, she tells me to "move and and that I need to stop clinging to us and she doesnt want to confuse me." Her friend came into town last week (who I am a good friend with) and said that she has changed - is extremely prissy, stuck up, needs everyone to pay attention to her and that she is not the same person that we both know before she moved. She also said that spending time with her she realized she is extremely selfish - kind of sucks that she has turned int othis person. I sent her an email about 1 week ago (like 5 pages) basically saying everythign I wanted, everything Im improving on, and everything I wish I done. No response. What really gets to me is that just 4 months ago we were talking about marriage and having kids, and 1 month after telling me she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that she misses me, she is with another dude. My opinion is that she is in a rebound, but could really use some advice. Just crazy how we could go from being so in love - to her basically deleting any memory or feeling for me after 6 years?
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 6 years and did not close the deal... I wonder if she did not take you seriously when you talked about marriage. Women want security both my their man but in life in general. Or maybe she decided that marriage was not the ticket with you, after thinking things over. I think it is the latter. As she is dating already. When a strong woman moves on, she is pretty much set in mind and won't think of returning. Sure you can let it eat at you, but think of it as saving your arse from a soon after divorce. Think about yourself now and get your thoughts in order. Until you can release what she has done for herself, you will not make a good life for yourself, or with someone you may be with.
Author mattsdv1986 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Well, we talked about marriage, but we were so volitle and young Im 26 shes 25, we both wernt ready at that point, and we were arguing non stop
Simon Phoenix Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 This sounds like way too much drama. What the two of you need, more than anything, is to stop all forms of communication immediately and for several months at least. She's yo-yoing and you are letting her. Both of you sound a bit immature to be honest. But all you are doing with this communication is retarding your recovery process. You need to block her and stop talking to her and you need to stop responding to her when she tugs at you for attention. The both of you sound like foolish teenagers right now. You need significant time (six months minimum) away from each other in all aspects. Stop perpetuating and feeding into the drama. No Contact.
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