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Why the Need of Labels?


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Posted
He is not that into you. Sorry for the cliché but it's the truth. The men that were really interested in me asked for exclusivity between 3 to 5 dates.

 

If you had completely captured his attention the way he captured yours he would make sure you are OFF the dating market! Also, him saying he's not ready to be exclusive means he wants to be shopping around, we know that, but it also means he is OK with YOU still shopping around! A man that is REMOTELY interested in you would NOT want you out with other dudes and risk losing his fair chance with you.

 

Is that normal? I mean obviously he could have said yes I like you but its too soon. But the "no labels" sounds weird, and by that only, I feel like he's not into you. Because if he would have said something different then yes that makes sense.

 

Update: reading what you just wrote...Idk how to feel.

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Posted

My understanding is that the GF/BF label these days comes after 3-4 MONTHS with a guy. First comes exclusivity. Exclusivity means we are together/dating and trying to find out if we are compatible on the long term.

 

Girlfriend/Boyfriend means I decided this has long term potential and I'm in it for the long haul.

 

I think it's too early to ask. But if you don't become his girlfriend by months 3 or 4 of dating, at the latest, time to cut bait.

 

In any case, the guy sounds a bit wishy washy.

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Posted
I had told him in regards to his "Hmmm... Do we need labels... I mean it is sort of unnecessary" remark I had told him this

 

"Well I thought, you had wanted us to be official, are you seeing other people and you don't want to be tied down yet? You can tell me if you are."

 

He replies with

 

"All I'm saying is I'm not overthinking it....We are together whether or not we have a title".

 

So now what? I don't get it.

 

Still doesn't answer your question. Does that response satisfy you? Clearly not because it's a bullsh*t response.

 

He's playing word games now. Doesn't want to commit to labels and paint himself into a corner but is not yet ready to end it with you entirely which might happen if he came out and said it straight up.

 

Childish.

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Posted
Still doesn't answer your question. Does that response satisfy you? Clearly not because it's a bullsh*t response.

 

He's playing word games now. Doesn't want to commit to labels and paint himself into a corner but is not yet ready to end it with you entirely which might happen if he came out and said it straight up.

 

Childish.

 

Michelle, you are speaking some truth today. Lol

 

I agree.

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Posted

 

"All I'm saying is I'm not overthinking it....We are together whether or not we have a title".

 

So now what? I don't get it.

 

What a collection of BS.

 

You are together right....but that does not mean he's not 'together' with other women too. We are together does NOT mean I am only seeing you.

 

The few times I said no to a label was when I had interest on someone else. The guy was nice but he was not my first choice.

 

I wasted an entire year on a guy that kept saying 'you're my girl'...turns out me and a bunch of other girls were 'his girl'.

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Posted
I had told him in regards to his "Hmmm... Do we need labels... I mean it is sort of unnecessary" remark I had told him this

 

"Well I thought, you had wanted us to be official, are you seeing other people and you don't want to be tied down yet? You can tell me if you are."

 

He replies with

 

"All I'm saying is I'm not overthinking it....We are together whether or not we have a title".

 

So now what? I don't get it.

 

Objection, non-responsive. Your Honor, please direct the witness to respond directly to the questions already posed:

 

1) Are you seeing other people?

2) Do you want to be exclusive?

 

and FG, you're posting these updates as if you're texting him right now. Please don't tell us you're handling these delicate and important negotiations by wire. This is a topic for a face-to-face conversation.

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Posted

What he is saying is that you are fine for now but I am waiting for something better to come along. With a label, a FB status change a potential fish could get scared off...no label means available so much easier for pursuit.

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  • Author
Posted

I had asked him those questions

 

Are you seeing other people? He said "No".

 

I then asked him Do you want to be exclusive? He says "What do you want?" I replied with

 

You said you were looking for a relationship.

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Posted

Well then, who knows? It won't be the last time things get fuzzy with this guy. He comes across as noncommittal.

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Posted

I believe labels play an important role in communicating to others the status of where we are at in our lives. In many of our not too distant histories, hair styles communicated if you were of 'of age' , single, married, widowed even. Clothing and clothing color even communicated social & financial status.

 

We are ALL just people underneath it all absolutely! But if I'm looking for a 'man' and I'm NOT into sharing, well I like to see it 'posted' via a wedding band or rainbow or fb status. It's ratner helpful, I think*

 

...at least it should be until you come across people who could care less if the fb status and wedding band scream TAKEN and go by losery actions Imnotbitterrightnow... :o:bunny:

 

:bunny:

:bunny:...... sorry*

  • Like 2
Posted
I had asked him those questions

 

Are you seeing other people? He said "No".

 

I then asked him Do you want to be exclusive? He says "What do you want?" I replied with

 

You said you were looking for a relationship.

 

Why did you not answer his question when he asked what you wanted? You both answered each other's question by a question. For different reasons you are both avoiding being open and honest.

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  • Author
Posted

He hasn't replied to my last remark so I don't know.

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  • Author
Posted

After telling him about him saying he wanted to be in a relationship I added on this

 

Honestly I want us to be honest with one another and tell each other what we really want. I want us to be a couple officially and for us to keep dating and see where it goes. I'm sorry if I am putting pressure on you. But this is what I want to happen. Now what do you want to happen?

 

He replies with

 

I just don't like labels .. Call it what you want

 

I added in with

 

Did you tell your previous girlfriends the same thing?

 

So I don't know what to think of this whole thing.

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Posted

So did he give the same line to his ex girlfriend?

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  • Author
Posted

He hasn't replied back yet.

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Posted
He is not that into you. Sorry for the cliché but it's the truth. The men that were really interested in me asked for exclusivity between 3 to 5 dates.

 

If you had completely captured his attention the way he captured yours he would make sure you are OFF the dating market! Also, him saying he's not ready to be exclusive means he wants to be shopping around, we know that, but it also means he is OK with YOU still shopping around! A man that is REMOTELY interested in you would NOT want you out with other dudes and risk losing his fair chance with you.

 

I agree in part, but there are exceptions-- if he is convinced that she is too into him to be "shopping around" or has had a bad experience with moving too fast.

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Posted
Yeah, I don't buy that at all! Observe:

 

Do you have some weird obssession with the name Matilda? :laugh: Seems like you're always trying to create these fictional dialogues so that you can include that name in it. :laugh: Funny though.

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Posted
Do you have some weird obssession with the name Matilda? :laugh: Seems like you're always trying to create these fictional dialogues so that you can include that name in it. :laugh: Funny though.

 

I just don't think it would be quite as generic if I used... Donna or Brittany or Tawambla.

 

I think that Matilda (and Rupert) are both sufficiently removed from the names of every generation on this board that it conveys only a general sense of man and woman.

 

But I'm open to suggestions.

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Posted
He hasn't replied back yet.
Aha! I knew you were texting. That is like 200% of the problem you're having.
  • Like 5
Posted
Well I talked to the guy I have been dating for the past month. And I again wanted to be sure he was still interested in dating and was looking for a relationship.

 

His response was "Yes. If you are". I of course replied with "Yes".

 

I had then asked him if we could move things to the next level and us become a couple and his response was "Hmmm... Do we need labels... I mean it is sort of unnecessary."

 

Me personally I have always liked using the Boyfriend/Girlfriend label or in internet terms, changing your status to "In a relationship" on various websites.

 

But by this guys answer to me I am hearing "I don't want to be labeled, and I want to see other people and not tell no one you are my girlfriend".

 

Well maybe I wanted us label ourselves on social media like many other couples do? What are your thoughts on this topic.

 

perhaps the question you want to ask him is - can we make this exclusive? That way you'll have the comfort and security to get to know each other at a measured pace and not worry that someone else is going to be dating him as well

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Posted
I had asked him those questions

 

Are you seeing other people? He said "No".

 

I then asked him Do you want to be exclusive? He says "What do you want?" I replied with

 

You said you were looking for a relationship.

 

sorry just read that

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  • Author
Posted
Aha! I knew you were texting. That is like 200% of the problem you're having.

 

That's the thing, he doesn't like talking on the phone or video calls. He prefers texting or in person.

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Posted
That's the thing, he doesn't like talking on the phone or video calls. He prefers texting or in person.

 

You definitely need to talk to him in person for this conversation.

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Posted
My understanding is that the GF/BF label these days comes after 3-4 MONTHS with a guy. First comes exclusivity. Exclusivity means we are together/dating and trying to find out if we are compatible on the long term.

 

Girlfriend/Boyfriend means I decided this has long term potential and I'm in it for the long haul.

 

I think it's too early to ask. But if you don't become his girlfriend by months 3 or 4 of dating, at the latest, time to cut bait.

 

In any case, the guy sounds a bit wishy washy.

 

This is a great point! This is how I usually prefer to transition into a relationship. I think it's best to ask once you really like someone, what is their normal process or methodology when maneuvering into a relationship because it really does vary from person to person.

 

I've waited MONTHS before I'd put a title on things, then there were guys who asked me after a few dates to be their girlfriend, then there were the men who wanted to date ad infinitum with a "label" (commitment phobics). I still think it's kind of soon to automatically assume he's phobic but understanding his interpretation of dating and relationships will remove all doubt.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

If you have to force an answer out of him, he certainly isn't relationship material or/and interested in being in one with you.

 

Yes, labels are necessary. No labels = I do what I want.

Edited by Elle1975
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