Chuck636333 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 What is anyone's experience with an ex wanting or not wanting you back if you make a dramatic change in your life.... I guess my question truthfully is what would my ex think if I lost a dramatic amount of weight and really got in shape and started looking good? Anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?
ThorntonMelon Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 My guess is they'd be impressed by your transformation but very unlikely for it to change their mind about dating you. That said, it might serve as good motivation for working out - I've heard dumber things... 2
Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 What is anyone's experience with an ex wanting or not wanting you back if you make a dramatic change in your life.... I guess my question truthfully is what would my ex think if I lost a dramatic amount of weight and really got in shape and started looking good? Anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? I have no experience with this, however, my pragmatic, outside view is that if her attraction to you was based solely on your appearance, she is a shallow person. However, if you and she had connected on a deeper level, and you were a complete slob and that is the reason she is not in your life anymore, she may reconsider. Having allowed yourself to be that way, though, may be a sign of a deeper issue within you. Unless, those things have also been addressed, you won't likely succeed. You will need to do more than make yourself look good, you will need to demonstrate that you feel good inside and out. That will take time for her to observe. People often make changes to hold on to some one but are unable to keep up the "front" for long. If you are changing yourself, do it for you, not her. Take your new self out, date some other girls and see how that goes first.
central Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I suppose it could depend on what she thought and felt about you otherwise. Of course, if she's already moved on she may not be interested in reopening that chapter of her life, and if she's dating someone else you'll almost surely have no chance with her. Your self-improvements will be better appreciated by someone new, I think.
mightycpa Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 If someone became disinterested in you, the person, even vast physical improvements will not change that. At first, you're attracted to the physical. Then you meet the personality. Once you've rejected the personality, nothing will ever make you go back. 3
WhiteTan Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 It really depends on the situation and how shallow your ex is really. When I was with my ex boyfriend, I was a bigger and even though it made me insecure, i never took initiative to do anything about it until he broke off our engagement when i caught him cheating on me VIA facebook. Ultimately after we broke up, I started religiously going to the gym and went from weighing 170 pounds to weighing around 124. When he saw me again, he was proud of me for doing what i always wanted to do but it didn't change the fact that our relationship had ran it's course. Either way, I did it for me and I look/feel 100 times better than I ever have, with or without him. 1
Arieswoman Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Chuck636333, IMO it would depend a great deal on what what sort of change they wanted you to undertake.... Could you be a bit more specific about what changes are requested here? If I was dating some great guy and he got into drugs/gambling then yes, I would dump him and tell me go go away and not come back unless he was clean/ dealing with his addiction. More info would be helpful..thanks 1
hedyo Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 The last guy I broke up with got into GREAT shape afterwards, but it didn't make me regret my decision one little bit. If you're over someone, you're over them. And if you're not over them... I still don't think appearance is a deciding factor. It's important to be healthy and take care of yourself, but if you want to be more appealing to your ex and future partners, you should work on things like career/education goals, your social life, and so on.
Author Chuck636333 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Well she already left once and after a month begged me to take her back and of course I did and 1 year later same thing...I'm not perfect but I can honestly say I show her lots of love and I'm very good to her...I did everything for her we've been together 7 years what more do you have to do to prove yourself to someone?
ThorntonMelon Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Nothing. You need to value yourself enough to give yourself only to someone who reciprocates that love. Obviously easier said than done.
slizl Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Loosing weight and getting in better shape probably won't make her want to get back together with you....but it will make your willy look bigger:cool:
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I think the answer to this question lies in the reasons you broke up. I mean, if it was a weight thing then dropping a pile of weight and getting fit and looking physically well MIGHT work to win her back but if the reasons have more to do with other things then looking "hot" will only be a temporary fix if at all. The real reasons for breaking up will eventually come back to bite you in the ass no matter how many how many ab crunches you do.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Well she already left once and after a month begged me to take her back and of course I did and 1 year later same thing...I'm not perfect but I can honestly say I show her lots of love and I'm very good to her...I did everything for her we've been together 7 years what more do you have to do to prove yourself to someone? Nothing, so stop trying to. Have some self-respect. If she can't see what you bring to the table, then find someone who will appreciate it. Stop making yourself out to be a chump and a doormat to try to get someone to value you the way you deserve to be valued. 1
BC1980 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 If someone became disinterested in you, the person, even vast physical improvements will not change that. At first, you're attracted to the physical. Then you meet the personality. Once you've rejected the personality, nothing will ever make you go back. I think this is spot on. A new physical appearance might make your ex think you look good, but that has no bearing on wanting an actual relationship. I think it would also be transparent that you lost the weight to get your ex back, and people are usually kind of repelled and uncomfortable with that type if thing.
Author Chuck636333 Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 The issue from me was that I wasn't active and I basically got lazy if I'm being 100% honest so we stopped having fun and I'm sure I wasn't as physically attractive so thats why I asked if that would change that perspective of me...other than that we were a good couple for the most part
mightycpa Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 The issue from me was that I am lazy I just wanted to help you with what you said, except from her perspective. You see this as an isolated event, and I can almost guarantee that she sees it as a personality flaw. The fact that it took a breakup to make you change doesn't help either, because it signals that only disruptive change alerts you to this aspect of yourself.
littleblacksubmarine Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 I don't think it matters either way. Working out will make you feel better mentally and physically, so either she comes back or she doesn't, but you'll ultimately still feel better in the long run. Win/win situation There are a couple of pitfalls with working out to look better though. You may lose motivation quickly if you don't see immediate results and give up. Even worse you may develop a body image disorder which is definitely not a good thing. Just start working out and find alternative motivation to help maintain it; do things you enjoy, change it up if you start getting bored, and remember that it makes you feel better. Looking better should only be considered an added benefit.
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