Darren2013 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) You've heard enough of my point of view about all this workplace dating business. I would like to now get a wide range of perspectives about all of this. Do you think it is a good idea or not? Why or why not? Explain! Also if you have past or present experience dating someone from the workplace how is it going or how did it go? Did it lead to a happy marriage or a hurtful ending? If you did breakup how well did you do in keeping contact professional and putting aside personal feelings? How well did the other party do that? Also how long did it take you to act on your feelings and ask for a date and officially become a couple after you and the other person first came to the realization that feelings were developing? Did you change jobs or departments before dating them or while dating? At what point did you decide "this is getting serious so I am changing jobs"? Edited October 10, 2014 by Darren2013
Got it Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I would be very judicious about it fully weighing the pros and cons. First I would look at your company's policies tied to it. Most likely on a minimum they have supervisor subordinate. That one is definitely a no no. Outside of that I would look at how closely the two of you work together, how you can honestly handle the work and personal side of the relationship and can you separate the two. It isn't easy so really think hard on that. And then how you can work with the person if the relationship doesn't work. The size and geographical location of the company definitely plays a factor. For a company of 50 people these questions will provide different answers than a company with a campus of 50,000 employees. I say it can be done. . . . sometimes. I work with family so understand the pitfalls. There are some definite perks but depending on positions some very big limitations. We have other couples who are married who work for the company and are seemingly handling things very well. It really depends.
Keenly Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Its one of the worst ideas anyone can have. Don't... ever... do it. I've done it probably 5 times. One was a LTR, and our store closed, so we got to continue our relationship in a normal manner. A few were just a few weeks long. Ended mutually. One ended roughly on her part, but we both did a good job of remaining friends and keeping it civil and confidential. And then the one that made me realize its a stupid idea. Dated 3 months. She acted really into me. She was gorgeous. I really liked her. She cheated on me and smashed my heart into a million pieces. Then I got the luxury of having to see and interact with her every other day for another year. Don't do it.
writergal Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Workplace relationships rarely end in marriage. Too many risk factors involved for a workplace relationship to work. Not a good idea. Nope.
central Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 If you are in unrelated departments, and have very little or no job-related interaction, it can work and be okay. However, if you work with each other or closely enough that it would be awkward if you have a bad break-up, then just don't do it.
No Limit Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'd never date a colleague. Main reason for that isn't "ugh I don't want to see his ugly face again if something goes wrong", but simply "I want to be a professional at my job". Then again, being a doctor/surgeon doesn't really leave much room for workplace romance in my opinion. It's not as easy as Grey's Anatomy makes it look like.
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 It depends on the workplace. If this is your JOB -- something you are doing to earn money while you are still in school -- & it's in the restaurant business or retail or someplace equally temporary, I have no problem with it at all. I dated all sorts of people I met there: co-workers & patrons. If this is your career -- you need to think long & hard before you start this. First, what's the end game? If things don't work out with this person, then what? If you are the type that mopes & needs true NC to heal, don't even try it. There is a also a difference between somebody in your company at your location; somebody in your company at a different location and somebody in your industry. The last one is just fine. 1
Keenly Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'd never date a colleague. Main reason for that isn't "ugh I don't want to see his ugly face again if something goes wrong", but simply "I want to be a professional at my job". Then again, being a doctor/surgeon doesn't really leave much room for workplace romance in my opinion. It's not as easy as Grey's Anatomy makes it look like. You don't want to get busy with the anesthesiologist while they tell the patient to count backwards from 100?
Priv Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I'd never date a colleague. Main reason for that isn't "ugh I don't want to see his ugly face again if something goes wrong", but simply "I want to be a professional at my job". Then again, being a doctor/surgeon doesn't really leave much room for workplace romance in my opinion. It's not as easy as Grey's Anatomy makes it look like. From what I hear, it defintely is and a lot are going at it like rabbits. But since when are you a doctor?
Gloria25 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I did it barely a hand-full of times... One guy was a jerk. We were in the same company and he was NOT a gentleman...He ran and told everybody nasty things about me when we broke up. I was so embarrassed. I had to have my super sit him down and that shut him up. And, he did that just before he left to another country (maybe he thought no one would call him in on it?) That was the only bad experience...the other times I didn't want people to know cuz it's none of their business who I am seeing...People can get nosy and chatty. Also, in the military, I sometimes was put in units and/or training with lots of guys and the guys who were banging the girls talked about them like used rags. They would snicker and stuff when the chicks were walking by and I was like - eh, no thanks. So, I'm not big on it now a days. I've flirted now and then with some co-workers, but it has been very rare. I'm kinda picky when it comes to attraction and what attracts me...
No Limit Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) You don't want to get busy with the anesthesiologist while they tell the patient to count backwards from 100? I can't cut around in people's guts when I'm 'distracted'. Besides, there is a whole entourage of nurses if the anesthesiologist is getting pent up. From what I hear, it defintely is and a lot are going at it like rabbits. But since when are you a doctor? I'm 3 years away from studying medicine, 9 years away from earning my own money and a few more years (max. 15 years) away from being an established doctor/surgeon (whatever I'll prefer; can't make that statement prior to studying though). The only thing I heard so far is that plenty of mothers tell their sons to marry women who study medicine 'cause "they'll make good money in the future!", and that the first few semesters are the toughest 'cause they'll chuck books of stuff to learn at your face. On the other hand, there are plenty of doctor couples who opened their own little "hospitals" around here. Edited October 10, 2014 by No Limit
love1336x Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 My job has been my dating agency for the past six years. Its because I spend most of my time there. It really sucks when you break up amd force to see this person, and then people asking what hsppen, eh. Its whatever.
Gloria25 Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 My job has been my dating agency for the past six years. Its because I spend most of my time there. It really sucks when you break up amd force to see this person, and then people asking what hsppen, eh. Its whatever. No way, really? Do you mind me asking how many people you've dated there?
Targetlock Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 really bad idea in my opinion, unless it goes well it just causes problems and very awkward situations also why i dont date close friends, unless they make a move first
Trane Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 You've heard enough of my point of view about all this workplace dating business. I would like to now get a wide range of perspectives about all of this. Do you think it is a good idea or not? Why or why not? Explain! Also if you have past or present experience dating someone from the workplace how is it going or how did it go? Did it lead to a happy marriage or a hurtful ending? If you did breakup how well did you do in keeping contact professional and putting aside personal feelings? How well did the other party do that? Also how long did it take you to act on your feelings and ask for a date and officially become a couple after you and the other person first came to the realization that feelings were developing? Did you change jobs or departments before dating them or while dating? At what point did you decide "this is getting serious so I am changing jobs"? Don't screw the crew! It rarely works IMO. Unless all the rules and boundaries are set and very clear on both sides. Nothing wrong with coworkers getting physical but I always warn people that it's hard to do without the emotions becoming a factor. Good friend told me that some of the best sex he had was with a coworker. Neither let the emotions get in the way and it was for purely physical enjoyment. She always described it as a workout with a good sex partner who knew exactly what each other wanted. More importantly for them, the non stranger factor and complete honesty about each others current partners made the sex better. When one started dating another person exclusively, they would stop having sex but remain really close and stay in the loop with each other. When either other their relationships finished and they needed sex, they were the first to hook up with each other. I know it would be hard for me to not want something more exclusive with that person if my feelings started to run deeper for them. Sex aside, how I feel about that person and whether they can reciprocate what I feel would be important. Even more difficult is seeing that person everyday at work and dealing with the consequences if things turn sour.
me85 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 No, no, no...big no no! I don't mix business with pleasure. To me, that's a recipe for disaster. So we see each other at work all the time and we see each other outside of work all the time too?? Only a few can actually pull this off and make it work.
Author Darren2013 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 The thing about becoming attracted to work colleagues is that no matter how long you have worked together you still don't know much about them. You only know the image they present at work. They may perform their work with excellence and do things above and beyond the call of duty compared to other colleagues. While that kind of work performance is attractive that doesn't mean it is enough of a reason to date a colleague. That doesn't mean a work colleague would make a good romantic partner. Just because a person performs exceeedingly well in their professional life doesn't mean they will be good performers in their love life. My crush always has good things to say about my performance at work and how I make a great team with her on the job. Does that really mean anything as far as a successful date? Absolutely not. While it is a good quality to have it isn't enough to say that I would be good boyfriend material.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 My experience I dated a gal I worked with for over 6 months. She was 22, had already been married once, had a kid, and was looking for husband #2. Absolutely the best sex ever, so good in fact that there was never a second place, in the 40 years since, nobody has come close. The problem was it was only 4 times in over a half year. Her mother (married many times) had taught her to use sex to attract a husband. About once a month she would get the screaming purple horneys and screw my brains out. Then like a vampire, with the coming of the morning sun, it would end for a month. in between their would be no kissing, hand holding etc, "You men are all alike, all you want is sex" I ended it when she told me she was pregnant. She had gotten off of BC's and neglected to tell me. She quit shortly thereafter. Six months later she stopped by to show me her new Corvette, she had found some rich sucker and was going to marry him
ASG Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Most people I have dated in the past 10 years have been work related. this includes some FWBs and a couple of ONS. It has never been in issue. At all. I do "change" jobs quite often, though, as I'm a freelancer, but I've always been able to handle things well, even when it doesn't work out. When I worked at a TV station, I saw many relationships develop. Most of them are still going strong, with kids and everything (I left over 6 years ago). So, in my experience, it tends to work and I have never actually seen it go horribly wrong...
Author Darren2013 Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 No, no, no...big no no! I don't mix business with pleasure. To me, that's a recipe for disaster. So we see each other at work all the time and we see each other outside of work all the time too?? Only a few can actually pull this off and make it work. Workplace dating kills challenge too. I can't work challenge if we are seeing each others faces everyday. When there's space in a relationship to where people have a chance to miss each other that's a healthy thing. Workplace dating takes that challenge element away.
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