robbysurfs Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) I was in a short-term relationship that was very intense. It felt like love at first sight. She flirted with me and i reciprocated and asked her out for coffee. After that it was on. We went on a few dates and by the 3rd date we fooled around she stayed over my place. We were so into each other this summer we started having a lot of sex and spent almost every day together. Looking back shortly into the relationship there were some red flags. For starters the first time after after we slept together and we hung out is when i noticed a dark-side to this women. She came over my place during the day and what I perceived was to be like she was aggravated with me for nothing. We talked through it me saying I'm now this is new there might be some tension some times but all relationships have them, but in my head I was like wtf. Then other stuff popped up like she would talk about her exes and past relationships a lot and i should of stopped it but I felt i was learning about her to. It always felt like a push and pull from that point to a certain degree. We had some really magical moments and I was falling in love with her really dast because she did have some great qualities and the sex was great. About 2 weeks in she asked me to be her boyfriend. I know what your thinking to soon man, but in my defense we were under the stars and the moment was special and i went with it. I felt a connection with her i had not felt in a long time. Prior to her i was in a lt relationship and after bu i took about 10 months off of dating. After this point some things had happened that were minor but I am assuming she might of thought i became clingy or overbearing as i included her in future plans. I also showed her alot of affection so basically I opened up because i percieved this girl to be lt material and i was in it. About a month in the dynamic changed it felt off and honestly i thought about breaking up with her because it just was a lot and i should of took time to do me. It was still in this honeymoon infatuation stage and i knew that because i have been in prior relationships and that stage wears off and then you got to get to know the person even more. We went on a weekend getaway that was awesome prior to this gettaway we had a little fight and that was about her making plans and breaking them and i was passive aggressive about it, not a big deal but just a timy bump to me. The weekend was awesome we camped had fun great sex she inteoduced me to her parents and this I felt uncomfortable with but i did it because she had a kinda estranged relationship with them so i wanted to support her she told me she hadent hung out with them in awhile. After we got back she basically one day went cold and she became mean at times and it felt like she was pushing me away. Like she told me her mother liked me and then askeed her what her intentions were with me. I mean like who tells you stuff liek this. At this point the end of the summer was wrapping up and she was gonna start school and finish her masters I figured by this time we would slow doqn and progress normally. I was mistaken and she ended it firstly by saying she couldn't handle it with school and she did break down a prior and i did not mention she is recovering frim anorexia/ocd. I said okay and left she began this texting me for a week after wich I thought was bizarre and cold because thectexts were meaningless along the lines of "hey hope you have a great day" like she did not even rember she broke up with me. I finally got fed up told her to stop and them she asked to meet with me and basically gave me all the reasons why she was ending stating she did not want to presue it romantically,she felt she was gonna end up taking care of me, i put her on a pedistal, i like her more then she likes me, she is gonna hurt me, i am just not feeling it, :(and the fatal can i feel like your more of a friend but i siad no and dont txt me anymore unless its was pertaining to the relationship ....i was crushed but went nc and its been 3 weeks since. I ran into her yesterday and she already dating a new guy. I feel pretty bad and kinda duped after all this i really cared for her and she discarded me so easily after everything. I know it was a short-term thing and even tho ahe said "please be my boyfriend" or "come and meet my parents" it meant nothing. I am beating myself up over this I have taken it very hard because now I am questioning myself and who i am. I am totally mind effed and after all this i still miss her. I thought about reaching out to be friends and keep the lines off communication open. I lost someone that i had some great moments with and she was a friend too. I feel bad and hope she realizes that i cared for her and I am still hoping she comes back but i am doing nc to heal from this. I am really really confused and disappointed because i didn't deserve this from her. Edited October 10, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for Readability
Frank2thepoint Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 First off, you should have broken up this giant post into paragraphs. It's hard to read and follow. You are making us NYers look bad. The Big Apple needs to look nice and shiny so tourists can come spend their money here. You relationship moved very quickly. It was good that you took ten months off from being in another relationship, but you should have slowed it down. There were major warning signs about this girl. She is very fickle with anger issues. You should have stopped that the moment it happened by asking what's her deal. You should have talked with her. If she scoffed and/or avoided the issue, then you should have moved yourself out from being "under the stars" and let reality kick in. You should have set your boundaries, and told her you will not stand for such craziness. But I figure being "under the stars" and the amount of sex you were having, bedazzled you. I'm sorry this happened to you, but think positive. This was a learning experience, something you needed to know for future reference. Do not reach out to her, just leave her be. She will continue doing what she did to you, to all of her future men in her life, unless she decides to make a change herself. What's important is you are free to focus on yourself, to heal, and learn. Take another ten months or more for this. You had some great moments, and plenty of bad with her. Do not contact her, do not allow her to get back into your life, because she will hurt you again.
Author robbysurfs Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Oh i should of been more clear i meant literally outside on a trip upstate under the stars like the moon.....
Zahara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) I have taken it very hard because now I am questioning myself and who i am. There is no need to beat yourself up about this and doubt yourself. Her actions do not define who you are. Unfortunately, you picked a girl that clearly has issue, especially one that is struggling with anorexia/OCD, there comes a slew of emotional problems -- it has nothing to do with you. Granted you went in head first, learn the lessons that this experience has taught you. But clearly, you should never allow this person, one you've known in such a short length of time to question yourself. I am totally mind effed and after all this i still miss her. And that is normal because you did form an emotional attachment to her. But that will soon subside and you will move on. I thought about reaching out to be friends and keep the lines off communicatiion open. Don't do this. 1) She is not your friend. 2) You want to do this to keep the door open but why would you ever even entertain engaging with someone that made you feel this way? You note red flags from the beginning, you ignored them, now you still want to keep contact? There are lessons to be learned here not mistakes to be repeated. 3) Why would you consider someone that treated you this way a friend? I lost someone that i had some great moments with and she was a friend too. I feel bad and hope she realizes that i cared for her and I am still hoping she comes back but i am doing nc to heal from this. I am really really confused and dissapojnted because i didnt deserve this from her. "Some" great moments? Did you not have bad moments too? During the honeymoon period, it's always great -- but what counts is when reality sets in and people show you who they actually are and what the relationship actually means to them -- and if by then you're still having great moments -- then that would count for something. She wasn't a friend. She was someone you had some "great" moments and great sex with. Don't confuse the two. Still hoping she comes back? If I were you, I'd stay far enough away. Edited October 10, 2014 by Zahara 1
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