Suzie81 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Met guy. Went on 14 hour date with guy. Great time. Next date another 14 hours. Intense. He's planing a future. He's laying it on THICK. I am no idiot. He's done this before. He's smooth. I LAID IT OUT on both dates that I wasn't interested In anything casual. Especially after two LONG intense sexual dates. We have more dates planned. He's introduced me to some friends. But I know he is a player. I just know. We have some mutual friends. He says he wants a family. A wife. More kids. (He's got 2). But he is very successful. Attractive. And around GORGEOUS famous women all the time. I'm cute. Don't get me wrong. What y'all think? Am I an idiot? Should I go with it? I mean he agreed to not seeing anyone else. But who knows. I don't REALLY know him. And I NEVER sleep with people that quick. I NEVER have. But I felt like I'd known him years. Still. I'm already getting attached. And that's probably dumb. Advice? Opinions?
Toodaloo Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 2 dates and you are already sleeping together and planning babies...? Your hackles are up for a reason - listen to them. Walk away.
boilingpoint Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Attractive, successful guys know they have all the women wrapped around their little finger because women always want nothing less than the 10/10, finished article in a man. If what you say is true and it's not just an act then as far as I'm concerned it's game on - he's got options but is giving you a chance. Do what you like and see what happens.
Gaeta Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) What usually happens to the fast and furious? They crash. What I don't understand is you know he's done this before, you don't trust him, you call him a player but you still spend 14 hours with him? (twice) and all this proclaiming you are looking for something serious! Serious ladies go home after a couple of hours. Suggestion: Tone it down. Bring this back to a normal speed. Edited October 10, 2014 by Gaeta 5
Zahara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) Met guy. Went on 14 hour date with guy. Great time. Next date another 14 hours. Intense. Two 14 hour dates and the majority of these two dates were spent in his bed. I can't fathom you asking if you're an idiot or your are dumb when you knowingly make these statements -- 1) he's done this before 2) he's smooth 2) I know he is a player. SMH. And just because you tell a man you want a serious relationship, it doesn't mean he's going to take your words to heart and give you what you want. What y'all think? Am I an idiot? Should I go with it? I mean he agreed to not seeing anyone else. But who knows. I don't REALLY know him. And I NEVER sleep with people that quick. I NEVER have. But I felt like I'd known him years. Still. I'm already getting attached. And that's probably dumb. So, you don't really REALLY know him, and he doesn't really know you. It then makes perfect sense that two people that don't know each other would be planning a future together? Absolutely ridicilous. Scale down your expectations. Scale down the "intense" 14 hour romps. Go out on dates and get to know him and stay outside of the bedroom. Other than that, fast and furious normally goes belly up. Edited October 10, 2014 by Zahara 1
Author Suzie81 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Right. Obviously mentally I know you are all right. Btw the majority of the dates weren't in bed. They were long DATES. real, take me out, Introduce me, dress up, long talks, gentlemanly dates. Maybe 5 hours in bed lol I am being a bit presumptuous. I'm not 100% he does this all the time. But he's too good at it, and the successful attractive thing - I just don't see HOW he CANT do this all the time. So I'm sure he does. I kinda wanna roll with it and have fun. But of course emotions get involved and I can't figure out how to squash them. I'm trying to focus on myself and what I need to accomplish and stuff. But u know. That's hard. Any suggestions on how to be more "like a man" are welcomed. As for him being a player or anything similar, heres my question for you all: if I man and you have 50 mutual FB friends, he's got kids, you've told him point blank twice you'll flip if he's sleeping w other people at the same time, AND he's taking you to fancy events where he's introducing you to his GOOD friends.....he'd have to be a monumental moron to be lying. Right? Also there isn't a fear of committment. He's been married. 2 kids. Last gf was 3 years long. He clearly does want the picket fence and More kids scenerio BUT I wonder if it's possible for a man whose successful attractive flirtatious by nature who travels a lot...to be faithful. In their defense, it would be a challenge. But does that mean I shouldn't give him a chance to prove me wrong? I know the sex on date one is/was bad. I've NEVER EVER done that. But I dunno. It just felt natural :/
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Of course this will end badly. Early sex & conversations about marriage & babies add up to a fantasy not a sustainable relationship. After two dates, the only conversation I wanted to have with a guy was about whether there would be a 3rd date. If the sex is great & you enjoyed it, fine but do not equate sex to love or a long term commitment at this point. I wouldn't even assume you had a date for New Years Eve yet. 3
Zahara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Right. Obviously mentally I know you are all right. Btw the majority of the dates weren't in bed. They were long DATES. real, take me out, introduce me, dress up, long talks, gentlemanly dates. Maybe 5 hours in bed lol And even after all that, you claimed you don't REALLY know him well. The point is that two 14 hour dates filled with intensity doesn't equate to substance. I kinda wanna roll with it and have fun. But of course emotions get involved and I can't figure out how to squash them. Going back to not knowing him well, what about 28 hours with him has gotten you emotional? You don't know him really well, so what about him are you attached to because maybe you're more enamored by the glamorous and superficial image of it all rather than who he really is. And unfortunately for women, we tend to get attached once the physical happens. This is why it is always best to go in with eyes open for as long as possible so that we don't end up attached after two dates. if I man and you have 50 mutual FB friends, he's got kids, you've told him point blank twice you'll flip if he's sleeping w other people at the same time, AND he's taking you to fancy events where he's introducing you to his GOOD friends.....he'd have to be a monumental moron to be lying. Right? Wrong. I was with my ex for two years and none of his friends told me he was cheating behind my back. And after two dates you're demanding exclusivity from a man you don't even know. Also there isn't a fear of committment. He's been married. 2 kids. Last gf was 3 years long. He clearly does want the picket fence and More kids scenerio This is the red flag. Fast and furious future faking is dangerous. BUT I wonder if it's possible for a man whose successful attractive flirtatious by nature who travels a lot...to be faithful. In their defense, it would be a challenge. But does that mean I shouldn't give him a chance to prove me wrong? Your cross to bear. If you do want to try, scale it down. I know the sex on date one is/was bad. I've NEVER EVER done that. But I dunno. It just felt natural :/ When you are attracted to someone, of course it feels right to have sex. But sometimes you have to be smart and have boundaries in order to protect yourself and allow for eyes wide open before getting emotionally blinded. 1
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I think I get what you are saying but the only problem is...he could want a relationship and have kids but it may not be with you. You could be the pawn...BUT idk, and you don't know either...you've only been on two "dates" no matter how long they were. 1
Imported Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 BUT I wonder if it's possible for a man whose successful attractive flirtatious by nature who travels a lot...to be faithful. Yes it is. All these other posters guessing at the guy's intent are in fact....guessing. And probably have a chip on their shoulder wanting the guy to be a bad guy. He is attractive looking and successful after all. If he was really smooth from practice and does this regularly in deciet, he'd have learned to throw in mistakes for you to find that will get you to let down your defensive thinking. However, some people are smooth because they don't worry too much and they know what they want. What do you got to lose from this?
writergal Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Hmmm, OP's guy reminds me of famous ladies men like George Clooney. Look at how many women he dated before he got married. I guess it is possible for these fast and furious types to settle down, but it's rare. But from my own personal experience with fast and furious men, those kinds of connections burn out as fast as they develop. They're just not sustainable connections with those types. They project this "ideal" on to you, which you take as flattering at first, but it's really suffocatng because he doesn't actually "see" you for who you are, since he doesn't take the time to invest in getting to know you. Future faking plans is a HUGE red flag. HUGE. 28 hours does not an exclusive relationship make. There's no way OP's guy is genuinely interested. She said so herself because her intution's alarm bells are going off. I say, enjoy the attention and the sex, but lower your expectations and put up some major boundaries but cutting short the dates to more reasonable hours, space them out so you can still have a social life, and keep your emotions in check from now-on. I fell into this trap you're in, more times than I can count. But the lesson from last crash and burn from a fast and furious relationship has finally stuck with me. I will never allow that to happen to me again.
Author Suzie81 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 I should add that I made clear to him he could date whomever he wanted. But that i need to know if they become sexual. I can't share in THAT sense. I said "I'll keep dating you f you're dating other people. But if you're ****ing other people I need to know". I think that's fair. And if he's lying, then my bad. But I feel like a practically stranger deserves a fair chance. And weather or not that request after 2 dates is fair, it's how I operate. Take it or leave it. I'm having fun. I just need to figure out how to keep my emotions and Attatchment in check. It's very difficult.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 You already know the answer to your own question. It's written all over your post. Your gut is never wrong. 1
Zahara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) I should add that I made clear to him he could date whomever he wanted. But that i need to know if they become sexual. I can't share in THAT sense. I said "I'll keep dating you f you're dating other people. But if you're ****ing other people I need to know". I think that's fair. And if he's lying, then my bad. But I feel like a practically stranger deserves a fair chance. And weather or not that request after 2 dates is fair, it's how I operate. Take it or leave it. I don't think it was a matter of giving him a fair chance. I think you feel that making that statement somehow protects you, it gives you a false sense of security, when realistically it was a demand stemming from insecurity and avoidance of what your gut feelings are telling you. A stranger does deserve a chance. But it's how you're presenting that chance to him. He has to prove himself as someone you can trust. Not demand it when you know nothing about him. I'm having fun. I just need to figure out how to keep my emotions and Attatchment in check. It's very difficult. Keep dating outside of the bedroom. Sex often tends to cloud judgment. Keep expectations in check because truly, you don't know this guy enough to keep getting emotionally carried away and hopeful with talks of the future. Edited October 10, 2014 by Zahara 1
WomenWubber Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 So you wanna f him? Then f him. Just make sure you don't orgasm. Also cuddling should be completely out of the question.
Author Suzie81 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Ok. So how should I play this out? I've already accepted an invite to a party sat night that is far from my house and close to his. It will end late and I will have to stay there. I can't back out on that now. But if I think I wanna try and make this work, what's the smartest thing to do? Of course everyone says keep emotionally unattached. Make other plans. Be unavailable yadda yadda. But god I hate those BS games. In any case, it is what it is now. Ya know? I can't really go backwards.... I don't know him well. Nope. Not at all. But I have good instincts. And I have a feeling he struggles with wanting to "get around" and wanting to be in a real relationship. I'm not sure I'm clever enough to figure out how to make him want the later more. I'm very straight forward. Heart on sleeve kinda gal. Thanks guys
boilingpoint Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 cool, just be yourself and see what happens. Good luck. 1
writergal Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Have fun at the party on Saturday and good luck! 1
msmolecule Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Part of the problem I see here is that you have convinced yourself that he's out of your league. If you're worried about being taken advantage of, labeling yourself inferior will do half the work for him. Don't even worry about leagues. If you're enjoying yourself, enjoy yourself. Don't take his future talk seriously at this stage because at this stage, he's just saying what he thinks you want to hear to make you feel cozy and comfortable enough to let your guard down. Not that it's a bad thing to let your guard down, but do it without expectations. And when his conquesting no longer meets your need for something committed, walk. 2
michellew Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Runnnnnnnn!!! Now. Before it's too late! He sounds exactly like this narcissist I used to date and fell madly in love with. It did not end well at all. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Author Suzie81 Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 Michellew - I'm sorry. Of course there's a chance you're right, but damn girl. All that just from what I wrote? You don't know this man at all and maybe sometimes too good to be true is true? Let's try and keep a little hope alive. Trust. I've been burned BAD. lied to. Cheated on. But you have to open up again at some point. I dunno.
Author Suzie81 Posted October 11, 2014 Author Posted October 11, 2014 Msmolecule: excellent observation. I agree. It's not so much he's out of my league. I think I'm fairly awesome. I have insecurities of course. It's more that he's around....a certain type of women a lot....and I can't imagine they aren't throwing themselves at him. And I don't care how "good" of a man you are, that's hard to turn down all the time. I dated a musician once. Same deal. It's just difficult to date men that constantly have options. EVEN if, in the big/long picture, you're better than the other women. It's just something to consider. I'm trying to just go with it and keep my guard up. But that's basically impossible for me. So. All in I go. If I get burned again, so be it. I'd rather go through another heart ache than never feel Or open up again
Mrin Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Run with it. Have fun. Enjoy it. Just live in the moment and don't build an abundance of hope or anticipation. It's the best way to both run with it and protect yourself. 1
FitChick Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 I know this type because I had a boss like that. He was married, a film producer, knew lots of people and constantly cheated on his wife. His buddies did it too. It's the 'high' of screwing someone new. He will get bored and go on to the next. It's going to end so make him take you to expensive places you couldn't afford yourself, have him take you shopping, travel, etc. so when he dumps you at least you won't feel so bad. And, use the opportunity to make social and work connections. You might actually meet someone better through him.
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