Author Rexxy Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 It happened again, I was walking towards her to go and introduce myself but all these nerves and strange feelings built up inside me and I just walked straight past her while she was also looking at me. This was when I was leaving the gym. As soon as I walked past her and exited the building I found a seat and just sat on it, got out my phone and tried to look for some motivation to go back in and introduce myself. I was walking back to the building and as I got closer and closer I got more nervous and nervous. I ended up freezing, turning around, went to my car and left. This is getting to the point where it's just frustrating me that I can't complete a simple task. I can tell she keeps looking at me and has some interest in me, it's pretty obvious but I'm finding it really hard to act on it. Please help.
gaius Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Rexxy, since you see her so often don't even focus on getting into some huge conversation. Just exchange some kind of banter. Break the ice. Doesn't even have to be very witty. Ask her a question even. Make a comment about the weather. Anything man. =/ Do it on your way out then go out. Once that's done then it will be easier to start talking whenever you see her. Just remember... Give her plenty of eye contact. Talk loud enough she can hear you clearly. (My main mistake first time, she kept having to say what? ) Keep a good energy, smile when she says something to you.
Author Rexxy Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Rexxy, since you see her so often don't even focus on getting into some huge conversation. Just exchange some kind of banter. Break the ice. Doesn't even have to be very witty. Ask her a question even. Make a comment about the weather. Anything man. =/ Do it on your way out then go out. Once that's done then it will be easier to start talking whenever you see her. Just remember... Give her plenty of eye contact. Talk loud enough she can hear you clearly. (My main mistake first time, she kept having to say what? ) Keep a good energy, smile when she says something to you. Ok I'll give that a go, just to break the ice is a good idea. Already feels like their isn't as much pressure on me.
Themanwithaplan Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Yeah, what messes people up commonly, is putting way too much pressure on themselves. You don't have to make her fall in love with you the first time you talk. Gotta start somewhere, and hello/hi/hey is natural for me. Awkward random questions are not(at least initially). You don't have to open yourself up to rejection to gauge her interest level. I only ask if we have a mutual connection I can "feel". If you're not comfortable, don't expect her to be either.
Author Rexxy Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 Yeah, what messes people up commonly, is putting way too much pressure on themselves. You don't have to make her fall in love with you the first time you talk. Gotta start somewhere, and hello/hi/hey is natural for me. Awkward random questions are not(at least initially). You don't have to open yourself up to rejection to gauge her interest level. I only ask if we have a mutual connection I can "feel". If you're not comfortable, don't expect her to be either. I was thinking exactly what you just wrote actually. I was wondering why I was feeling so nervous and it was because I was expecting the first interaction to be everything bundled into one moment. I didn't see her today so that'll give me time to calm down and re-assure myself that their isn't as much pressure as I'm making it out to be. I need to be calm, breathe, stay in control, and enjoy the conversation. Fingers crossed that I push myself tomorrow to take the first step.
HappyLove Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Ok, here's what you do.... The next time you see her go up to her and say. "Hi, have you tried any of the spin classes here (or any class your gym has). Wait for her answer, then say "I'm Rexxy by the the way" and shake her hand. The conversation will just flow after that and even if it doesn't you'll now know each other's names and speak when you see her at the gym. You don't have to ask for a date right then and there just break the ice into being friends. If you don't do exactly as I've said I'm going to kick you! Just kidding, but trust me the same thing happened to me this week at the gym unfortunately it was another woman but it just shows how easy it is to make a friend at the gym, actually it's happened to me twice this week and the other person I met we lived in the same building for YEARS and finally connected at the gym. It's really not that hard just saying your name and shaking someones hand.
Author Rexxy Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 Amazing advice from everyone and I'm very grateful for all your help. I've read every comment and taken little things from each message to help me make a move for once in my life. I'll be heading to the gym in a few hours from now hopefully running into her and finally getting past this frustrating first step of simply introducing myself. I'll make sure to post the outcome back to this thread so you can realise how much you've helped me develop by commenting on this thread alone. Thanks.
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Rexxy You are putting way to much pressure on yourself. Next time you see her say hi. that's it: 2 letters, 1 syllable. Nothing more. I bet she will say hi back. Promise. If she says anything else, she really wants to talk to you. Respond to her. Before you know it you will having a conversation. If she doesn't say anything other than hi. Say hi again the next time you see her after that. Once you have built up a few hi's, say something about the gym or the weather. I know. Both are sort of dull cliche subjects but cliches work & neither is threatening come on. If she doesn't warm up, she may already be taken or she may not be interested but at least you tried.
singsparkles Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I was wondering what you think about messaging a girl on facebook before you talk to her in real life. I started a topic not long ago about approaching this girl but I'm finding it close to impossible to get that done so i need to try something else. I see this girl nearly everyday at the gym, she trains alone like I do, i've noticed she trains just before the start of her work experience at the same gym. We always look at each other during our session but I can never get around to approaching her. Now I know for a fact that she doesn't have an ego and is kind to all the people she interacts with. I'll skip to the point, I'm not friends with her on facebook but I came by her page by accident and realised that it was her. I'm thinking about sending a message something a long the lines of "I came past your page by accident but im pretty sure you train at the same gym and you do work experience there?" And working my way to asking if I can train with her sometime next week. What would be your advice when I'm finding approaching just too difficult for now. I know it's incredibly nerve wrecking to approach a girl you're interested in in person, and it's the same way for us women, so you're not alone. But I do think you need to gather up the courage to talk to her. Say hi, bring up casual conversation, even if it is about the gym. Think in your mind, "what do I have to lose?" before approaching her. Because in reality, you have nothing to lose, only gain. I'm sure she'll talk back. If she seems uninterested, then oh well, atleast you tried, and you never had her so you never lost anything. But if she is interested, you will know, and you will have gained something. In life, you only regret what you didn't do, not what you did to.
IronZ Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I was wondering what you think about messaging a girl on facebook before you talk to her in real life. I started a topic not long ago about approaching this girl but I'm finding it close to impossible to get that done so i need to try something else. I see this girl nearly everyday at the gym, she trains alone like I do, i've noticed she trains just before the start of her work experience at the same gym. We always look at each other during our session but I can never get around to approaching her. Now I know for a fact that she doesn't have an ego and is kind to all the people she interacts with. I'll skip to the point, I'm not friends with her on facebook but I came by her page by accident and realised that it was her. I'm thinking about sending a message something a long the lines of "I came past your page by accident but im pretty sure you train at the same gym and you do work experience there?" And working my way to asking if I can train with her sometime next week. What would be your advice when I'm finding approaching just too difficult for now. Do NOT do that. Do NOT add her on Facebook. At least not yet. You know why? It makes you look like a total creep and a stalker. Seriously bro do NOT do it. Think of how it looks in her eyes. You're a stranger she sees at the gym occasionally and you sometimes look at each other. But you never approach her or talk to her. And then all of a sudden out of the blue a friend request from you? Why? You're not her "friend." You're not anything to her. You're some creep at the gym who can't even talk to her. If you want to be in her life at all you have to start by doing the hard thing and actually approaching her and saying something. It doesn't have to be anything serious either. Just say hi next time you see her. Work your way up from there. A good excuse would be to go near her workout space and ask if she's using a particular set of dumbbells or whatever. Introduce yourself at some point. Be witty, charming, funny. Make her laugh. If your gym has those protein shake bars ask her if she wants to grab one with you after your workout. Or just grow a set of balls and ask her to grab a coffee with you. I repeat do NOT stalk her on Facebook. That will blow all your chances.
Author Rexxy Posted October 18, 2014 Author Posted October 18, 2014 So for those who are wondering about what happened, she wasn't at the gym for the past 3 days so I'll have to wait till next week.
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