Rexxy Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I was wondering what you think about messaging a girl on facebook before you talk to her in real life. I started a topic not long ago about approaching this girl but I'm finding it close to impossible to get that done so i need to try something else. I see this girl nearly everyday at the gym, she trains alone like I do, i've noticed she trains just before the start of her work experience at the same gym. We always look at each other during our session but I can never get around to approaching her. Now I know for a fact that she doesn't have an ego and is kind to all the people she interacts with. I'll skip to the point, I'm not friends with her on facebook but I came by her page by accident and realised that it was her. I'm thinking about sending a message something a long the lines of "I came past your page by accident but im pretty sure you train at the same gym and you do work experience there?" And working my way to asking if I can train with her sometime next week. What would be your advice when I'm finding approaching just too difficult for now.
ZimboGon Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 creepy as hell. Either you talk to her or you get nowhere. 1
Author Rexxy Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 creepy as hell. Either you talk to her or you get nowhere. Yeah that's what I was also thinking, reason I asked first. But I don't see how its much different to something like tinder.
ZimboGon Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Yeah that's what I was also thinking, reason I asked first. But I don't see how its much different to something like tinder. Tinder is random. Tinder is a few pictures. Tinder is yes and no with strangers. Facebook is personal. Facebook is searching people online. Facebook is friend requests.
gaius Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 If you're just looking to talk to her that might work, but not approaching in person when she's sitting there right in front of you will doom any romantic thing.
yellow_sun Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 No. Don't do it. I would be totally creeped out if that happened to me. Just talk to her!
Author Rexxy Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 No. Don't do it. I would be totally creeped out if that happened to me. Just talk to her! I think I'll just wait till next week when I see her again, grow some balls and approach her. Now that I've thought about it it'll probably just make it really awkward for me. Hopefully I'll be able to push myself to talk to her! So over the fear such a little situation can bring.
isisisweeping Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Unless you have mutual friends or have talked to them quite a bit, a Facebook message is creepy.
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I would hate it but it's a generational thing. If you are still in college it might be OK. After all, that is exactly what FB was designed for by the collegians who created it.
SomeDude16 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Well I matched with a girl on tinder I had class with and never talked too. She didn't know my name and I didn't know hers. I then had to start talking to her in real life. Texting or Facebook should not be the basis of your beginning relationship. It can be strengthened with it, but don't rely on it. 2
Author Rexxy Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 I won't message her on facebook, I've got to get over my fear of approaching because I'm just using facebook as a shield (basically been a pussy). I'll let you know how it goes next week. I'm only reacting like this because I've never approached a girl before so it feels quite strange but I'm sure it'll go fine and I'm just over analysing what may or may not happen (fear of rejection). Time to step up and be a man! 4
gaius Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 The first time I approached someone Rexxy I had no idea what I was doing, but it was just one of those things you have to get out of the way as a guy. I probably made a dozen mistakes at least but it still went incredibly well because I was relaxed and giving off a great energy. And didn't let any of my mistakes shake me. Just have faith in yourself, do it, don't roll over if not everything goes picture perfect and afterward you can self analyze and figure out what you need to do better next time. 1
Author Rexxy Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 The first time I approached someone Rexxy I had no idea what I was doing, but it was just one of those things you have to get out of the way as a guy. I probably made a dozen mistakes at least but it still went incredibly well because I was relaxed and giving off a great energy. And didn't let any of my mistakes shake me. Just have faith in yourself, do it, don't roll over if not everything goes picture perfect and afterward you can self analyze and figure out what you need to do better next time. Exactly. I'll do my best. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 The 1st time you do anything it's scary. The approach doesn't have to be filled with fireworks. Just say hi & make conversation. 1
irc333 Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Women aren't really opened to being approached in public these days as they aren't of the right "Mind frame" when out running errands. If you've seen her on a dating site, feel free to contact her there as she's likely willing.
Themanwithaplan Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 OP- don't be all nervous when you approach her. Just casually say hi and talk to her. Stay calm so you can try to read her cues. If she seems interested(which is usually pretty damn obvious), then keep talking to her and suggest going out soon or ask if you can call her sometime. If she doesn't seem interested(apathetic, short answers, distracted, ridgid body), then that's your call. I usually just follow my intuition on these things and it seems to work pretty well. Don't have any expectations, be open, and treat her like a person. You'll be alright. 1
Author Rexxy Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 OP- don't be all nervous when you approach her. Just casually say hi and talk to her. Stay calm so you can try to read her cues. If she seems interested(which is usually pretty damn obvious), then keep talking to her and suggest going out soon or ask if you can call her sometime. If she doesn't seem interested(apathetic, short answers, distracted, ridgid body), then that's your call. I usually just follow my intuition on these things and it seems to work pretty well. Don't have any expectations, be open, and treat her like a person. You'll be alright. I choked again!!!! It was the end of my gym session where I usually go into an area to stretch out and she came over and stretched at the same time about 2 meters away from me. I noticed her looking at me too. I was so close to convincing myself to go over and talk to her but I didn't.... I feel like each time I see her I'm getting closer to approaching her but its really annoying me. What I mean by that, last week when I thought of approaching her I was at a 4/10 of actually making the approach and today it felt like an 8/10. So I'm definitely calming down my nerves at this point and I'm really close to doing this! I'll see her again tomorrow at the gym so I'll try again, I'm not going to give up on myself. I'm really trying to work on this!
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Don't overthink it. Honestly, just go up and thinking of something to say, it doesn't matter what. Maybe you could ask her if she's been to a certain class at the gym and what she thinks of it. Or you could make something 'hey, did I see you in Starbucks yesterday? Oh, you must have a doppelganger!' blah blah. What you say isn't important, it's how you say it, be confident. Once you've made that initial 'hello' you can say hey each time you see her in the gym, and after a few days ask her if she wants to grab coffee after her workout. Don't be afraid of rejection, it happens to everybody, frequently. The less you care what her response is, the better you'll come across (and right now you care an awful lot, based on the fact that you're posting on here). I wouldn't mind somebody messaging me on facebook btw, but if you're not linked it'd only go in her 'other' folder anyway and she wouldn't see it. I also don't add people I don't know. But it's not creepy to me, it's just another way of making contact 'hey, you came up in my 'people you might know' and I thought I recognised you from the gym, how's it going?'
Author Rexxy Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Don't overthink it. Honestly, just go up and thinking of something to say, it doesn't matter what. Maybe you could ask her if she's been to a certain class at the gym and what she thinks of it. Or you could make something 'hey, did I see you in Starbucks yesterday? Oh, you must have a doppelganger!' blah blah. What you say isn't important, it's how you say it, be confident. Once you've made that initial 'hello' you can say hey each time you see her in the gym, and after a few days ask her if she wants to grab coffee after her workout. Don't be afraid of rejection, it happens to everybody, frequently. The less you care what her response is, the better you'll come across (and right now you care an awful lot, based on the fact that you're posting on here). I wouldn't mind somebody messaging me on facebook btw, but if you're not linked it'd only go in her 'other' folder anyway and she wouldn't see it. I also don't add people I don't know. But it's not creepy to me, it's just another way of making contact 'hey, you came up in my 'people you might know' and I thought I recognised you from the gym, how's it going?' If I can't gain the courage to approach her in person by the end of the week I'll resort to messaging as my last option. I need to push myself to approach her or I'm never going to learn how to overcome my initial fear. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. This will be an awesome improvement in my life whether she rejects me or not so I'm excited either way. I've always been that shy and quiet person in life and it's time to work on myself.
gaius Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Think up your opener ahead of time if you haven't already Rexxy. Preparing material beforehand can be helpful even for the super experienced. And don't plan the facebook thing as a fallback. You either approach her or you don't get her.
irc333 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I actually met a woman at a concert last night that had to bail with her friend at the last min. from our group. She's a friend of a friend on Facebook and I'm thinking of contacting her through there instead. Figured if we talked face-to-face, that'd would justify contacting her on Facebook and it not be so "creepy".
Author Rexxy Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 Think up your opener ahead of time if you haven't already Rexxy. Preparing material beforehand can be helpful even for the super experienced. And don't plan the facebook thing as a fallback. You either approach her or you don't get her. Will do. If I keep thinking I can just message her by the end of the week I'll probably just keep using it as an excuse. I've already thought about what I want to say as an opener.
Author Rexxy Posted October 13, 2014 Author Posted October 13, 2014 I actually met a woman at a concert last night that had to bail with her friend at the last min. from our group. She's a friend of a friend on Facebook and I'm thinking of contacting her through there instead. Figured if we talked face-to-face, that'd would justify contacting her on Facebook and it not be so "creepy". If you met her in person and had a conversation it wouldn't be creepy at all compared to my situation haha
Georgia2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Women aren't really opened to being approached in public these days as they aren't of the right "Mind frame" when out running errands. If you've seen her on a dating site, feel free to contact her there as she's likely willing. What planet are you on? What woman wouldn't like a guy approaching her if she's single? I'm female by the way and would be in the "mind frame" as you put it if a guy approached me in public.
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