NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Ok, welcome to my lame-land dating question: Been on 4 good dates with a lass, spread out over a month - one a weekend. lengthy ones (by choice) lasting several hours. Now, asked her to do something this weekend (on Monday) and still have not had a reply by now (Thursday). I hate texting, it seems so lame, but calling is pointless as she never answers her phone (maybe just when I call?). Anyway, let the date idea lie with her since Monday, and now I am getting a little confused as to things and want to know a little of where I stand (suspecting in the cold). So, looking to send this to her tomorrow "Morning, still throwing out that bowling challenge but kind of wondering if I blew things last weekend. Any interest in seeing me or am I off the radar...hope not but let me know either way. That aside, I have really enjoyed your company, Cheers" I know, I know, groans all around... Backstory: nailed her on the 1st date, but cooled a little after that (booze was involved), she is cute, but also I actually like this one. Dated a lot over the last 18 months and she stands out personality-wise alot...hence I have not kicked her to the curb. So,thoughts people? text sounds ok, or just lame? options? Cheers
rdet123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Do not text her! If you do it will seem like she has you in the palm of her hand! If she never texts you back about the date then she isn't interested. Trust me! I'm a girl and when a guy I like proposes another date it doesn't take me days to respond. If she wants to see you again she will respond to you, if not I would next her! I have been in this situation before with a guy and don't lower your standards and text her again. She is probably wondering why you haven't texted her again, let her sit there with it! 2
Assasda Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 That text is sad. Whats more sad is that, you know that it is sad as well. If you've only sent her one text and she hasnt replied. Send her "Contact me if you want to go out and have fun sometime" - Then never contact her again. Seems like you fell in love right after the sex. Sad again. Move on man. Please. See other women. - Please again, do no send that sad, self-demeaning, begging texts. If that wasnt clear enough 1
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 I know Assasda, I know.....little bit of vomit was in my throat too. Normally I do not go weak at the knees after 1st date sex, the package was just well presented. She even rolled me out to her brother, and her mother on separate occasions, met a couple of her friends...things seemed a little fast for me, but went along with it because we burned through hours having fun like nobodies business. The not texting often/promptly is how she rolls, which is fine - I don't need my phone blowing up all the time with needy texts. And yet....here I am..... Anyway, advice taken from both you and rdet123. I may send the 'Contact me' text above, but I most likely will just let it go. Bugger, she seemed a real potential prospect, even only after 4 dates....
mightycpa Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 How about this instead: Too bad about bowling. Let's shoot for something next week. Let me know. then go bowling anyway, and see if you can find your balls at the bowling alley. (I couldn't resist) 2
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 ok, so its "kick a 'nice guy' when his down" night, right?... Seriously, trying to avoid that 'nice guy' trap, which I do manage...but she got under my skin...damn it... Thanks for the suggestion. Maybe a hybrid of yours and Assada's texts may be an options...but staying silent may be the best option too. Them dropped balls must be rolling around on the floor here somewhere?!?!?
mightycpa Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Ordinarily, I'd go with ignore, but in this case, because you like her, I think it is important for you to establish that in your mind, she has squandered an opportunity by not responding; that you have taken it as a No. My suggestion allows her a way to save face, and also establishes you as someone who is confident enough to call her out for her behavior. The implication is that the ball is firmly in her court. That would be your final unanswered text, of course. 1
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 should I put a smiley face after the 'too bad' to soften it a bit? ok, joking!.... But, I like your thinking. And normally I would not be considering another text - if I send one, it would be my final text. The balls are just temporarily lost in the room, not permanently trundling off on their own man-up adventure.
lillyz Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 The balls are just temporarily lost in the room, not permanently trundling off on their own man-up adventure. LOL. How did your last date with her go? What makes you think you blew it? The "Too bad about bowling. Let's shoot for something next week. Let me know." text idea is a good one. And then leave it at that. Otherwise, just don't text her at all. From my perspective, that's a good way to go. She could have a lot going on, or is just not interested. It's either one of the two but either way, cool off. If she's accepting dates with other people, she'll appreciate the space. You just never know. Best of luck.
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Thanks for the comments lillyz! She could have a lot going on - and we only have been on 4 dates, so I do not want to come off as all 'in love' as Assada would say or limpet-like clingy. But finding I actually like this person... (and got the impression she did..hell, I am a catch!) piqued my interested more than normal. The day after the 4th date I shot her a short text to say I had fun, and was a little hungover. She replied a day later that she too had fun and did I enjoy the rest of weekend. Since her text contained a question I replied after a few hours to say I did, and then threw the next date plan out. Then silence. If she had been silent after my initially "had fun" text I'd have taken the hint. But since she replied, with a question, I pushed on.......but, here we are.... All this advice is useful...ball-busting and otherwise!
Mascara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 "Nailed her"? Ugh. Anyway, no to the text, but maybe something like - "Hey, just need to sort out what my plans are at the weekend, if you're still up for bowling let me know so I can say no to the other stuff"
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Hi Mascara, and thanks for chiming in. Thoughts are still with the 'too bad' approach text, or nothing at all. Not saying I haven't considered your line, and I like the tone suggesting that their are other girls waiting in the wings...... ...ah, all the time and input from you all on a few works of text that, in the end, she will most likely read and ignore...... Anyway, I'll keep posting since its good to close the loop and here the 'i told you so' comments!!!...
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 any other suggestions out there? text or no text? and, if text, what are your suggestions?
Zahara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 any other suggestions out there? text or no text? and, if text, what are your suggestions? One more text, and that is it. Only because you like her and if you don't do it, you'll be breaking your brain for awhile. "Hey XX, hope you had a good week. Still up for bowling this weekend? Let me know!" Simple and straightforward. I'm not sure why the intense analysis on wording. If someone likes you, you could say "Boo" and you'll get a response. If she doesn't respond, you have your answer and then you move on. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Ok, welcome to my lame-land dating question: Been on 4 good dates with a lass, spread out over a month - one a weekend. lengthy ones (by choice) lasting several hours. Now, asked her to do something this weekend (on Monday) and still have not had a reply by now (Thursday). I hate texting, it seems so lame, but calling is pointless as she never answers her phone (maybe just when I call?). Anyway, let the date idea lie with her since Monday, and now I am getting a little confused as to things and want to know a little of where I stand (suspecting in the cold). So, looking to send this to her tomorrow "Morning, still throwing out that bowling challenge but kind of wondering if I blew things last weekend. Any interest in seeing me or am I off the radar...hope not but let me know either way. That aside, I have really enjoyed your company, Cheers" I know, I know, groans all around... Backstory: nailed her on the 1st date, but cooled a little after that (booze was involved), she is cute, but also I actually like this one. Dated a lot over the last 18 months and she stands out personality-wise alot...hence I have not kicked her to the curb. So,thoughts people? text sounds ok, or just lame? options? Cheers You pulled away after the first date sex with her. Even though you went out after, that still made an impression on her. "nailed her on the 1st date" -- this is a disrespectful way to refer to a mutual exchange of pleasure. An attitude which probably shows up in some ways in other meetings. I'd say she's not too sure she wants to see you again. She gave you the benefit of the doubt and saw you a couple times after, but the vibe wasn't good. Don't sleep with women on the first date. Don't text her again. The ball is in her court. She might nail you with the ball. 1
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 well, lets qualify that 'nailing'.... she was the one dragging me into bed, though I as a willing participant so, regarding being disrespectful, I get where you are coming from, but it seems the right term, since she was the one pushing. I usually don't push for action on Date #1, but there should be some touchy/feelly stuff if the chemistry is there. I'm on the fence about texting, but a simple one, like those suggested, might stop me overthinking this. Like I say, if I hadn't felt such a good click (sex as side) I'd not be in this spot, but she bewitched me.......or that might have been her twitching nose???....
Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 well, lets qualify that 'nailing'.... she was the one dragging me into bed, though I as a willing participant so, regarding being disrespectful, I get where you are coming from, but it seems the right term, since she was the one pushing. I usually don't push for action on Date #1, but there should be some touchy/feelly stuff if the chemistry is there. I'm on the fence about texting, but a simple one, like those suggested, might stop me overthinking this. Like I say, if I hadn't felt such a good click (sex as side) I'd not be in this spot, but she bewitched me.......or that might have been her twitching nose???.... It was still mutual. And, it doesn't really mean you liked each other, you liked the alcohol and how that made you feel. However, the right thing for you to have done since there was drinking involved, was to stop it before it happened. Don't text her again. You've already asked her, she hasn't accepted. Leave it alone. If she's at least on the fence about seeing you again, she needs the space to consider it. Pushing her will PUSH her away.
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Thanks for you input Redhead14 and, agreed, 'nailed' may have been a poor choice of words.
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 So text or no text all you thread readers???? Simple T for text, and NT for no text (obviously) I'll count up at the end of the afternoon and see what we have. Made my mind up already but curious as to how many people think they know what I'm thinking
Zahara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 So text or no text all you thread readers???? Simple T for text, and NT for no text (obviously) I'll count up at the end of the afternoon and see what we have. Made my mind up already but curious as to how many people think they know what I'm thinking For heaven's sake. Listen, this isn't the end of the world. If you are hesitating because your pride is at stake -- well, if you send a text and you don't get a response, a month from now you'll look back on this thread and possibly laugh. In the grand scheme of things, it's just a text and a temporary bruised ego. You're not asking the woman to marry you. 1) You text, short and simple. No response. Move on. No sweat off your back. Done with polling and breaking your brain over this. 2) You text, short and simple. She responds. Go from there.
Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 (edited) You seem to have decided to contact her again. Forget the text. Call her Period. Text is insincere especially when you don't know where she's at in terms of interest. She may be questioning your interest or "quality" of interest. Make a phone call. Texting at this point is the equivalent of having a friend pass her a note in study hall. Edited October 10, 2014 by Redhead14
mightycpa Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Let's see: 1) Be Mr. Not Interested, and walk away silently 2) Be Mr. Nice Guy, and renew your date offer because you're not busy 3) Be Mr. Confident and taunt her with your unavailability while giving her one last chance What to do kiddies? What to do?
Author NDB71 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 I would prefer to call since texting does seem a little childish.....even allowing for the 'nailing' referring throwing a juvenile tone on things. Never had any luck calling her, most likely since she is busy at work (like me). You thinking call and, if no answer, leave a vmail and then off into the sunset?
Zahara Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 You thinking call and, if no answer, leave a vmail and then off into the sunset? Yes, if no answer, leave a message. Then move on along. I bet now you'll ask what to say over the phone?
Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I would prefer to call since texting does seem a little childish.....even allowing for the 'nailing' referring throwing a juvenile tone on things. Never had any luck calling her, most likely since she is busy at work (like me). You thinking call and, if no answer, leave a vmail and then off into the sunset? Yes, leave a voicemail. Do nothing more after that. Go out and enjoy yourself. Find someone else to date and don't sleep with her on the first date even if she pushes all your buttons and especially if you and she are drinking. This is not an attractive thing for a woman to do anyway. I am not putting all this on you. Drinking does not cloud your judgement, it reduces your inhibitions. Using drinking as an excuse for having slept with a person is a sign of immaturity. All the best to you.
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