jchow06 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Hey guys and gals so I have a couple of questions for y'all: 1) I was matched to this girl online and we messaged a few times before switching to text. We set up a first date (Dinner) and conversation went really well we actually ended up staying until closing, and she was interested in going out again. We went out for another date Yesterday, drive-in theater and had a GREAT time, we cuddled up watching a horror movie, stayed for the second show and ended up talking and joking during the whole second movie. We got home and I I walked her to her car. At her car we talked about where things might be going and how we both seem to be looking for the same things and she said she feels so comfortable with me. We hugged and I went in for a kiss and it was amazing, just the right amount of lingering and everything. She texted me when she got back safely and that she had a great time. We set up another date for Friday, and I'm hoping if things go well enough I was going to ask her to come by on Saturday for a dinner/movie night and I'd cook dinner for her. MY question here is, is that too soon to be asking for that fourth date? Am I coming off as really clingy? That would be a second date on Wednesday, Third date Friday and Fourth Saturday. 2) Second question I had was I went to Hide my online profile because things were going so well and I noticed she was online?? I hate to sound like the jealous type, but I thought if things were hitting off so well why look? I know I know it's only two dates in and things went well what's the big problem...I guess I'm just a bit paranoid. Any input on why you guys thinks she might still be online would be great, thanks! Sorry for the novel! lol
Tayken Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Am I coming off as really clingy? Different folks, different strokes...Grey area We set up another date for Friday, and I'm hoping if things go well enough I was going to ask her to come by on Saturday for a dinner/movie night and I'd cook dinner for her.Wow.....glad to hear it. But hold on to your pants there o young one. It's a marathon not a sprint. but I thought if things were hitting off so well why look? I know I know it's only two dates in and things went well what's the big problem...I guess I'm just a bit paranoid.Down Boy down.....(which is what she might feel like saying after the 3rd date at this rate) She is keeping her options open, and so should you right now.
Author jchow06 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Haha thanks for advice, reading it after I posted it I'm realizing how fast things are moving! I might have got a little excited, haven't really dated anyone that I've had such great chemistry with and am jumping the gun a bit I guess
rdet123 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 First of all, I think it's awesome you guys have connected so well! That's really great. In terms of seeing each other, I say if you are both free then why not? If you already have plans with someone else or something else going on then obviously don't make plans with her. I think as long as you take it slow sexually you will be fine. The beginning stages of a relationship are the best part and there's no going back once you have sex and are totally comfortable with each other. So just enjoy the beginning stages and play everything out naturally
Author jchow06 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Thanks rdet! I figured I should just go with the flow. She knows I'm a good cook and has joked around with me that I need to show off my skills in the kitchen sometime, I figured it would come up again and I could squeeze in the date idea.
ZimboGon Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Personally, its your call. However it may make the night even better if you wait a bit and let the feelings linger.
mightycpa Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 is that too soon to be asking for that fourth date? Am I coming off as really clingy? Interested <> clingy. Clingy is when she says "I can't tonight" and you whine and cry and blow up her phone with a bunch of insecurity. Interested is when you propose a counteroffer. I think you can be interested enough to see her a lot. There IS something to be said for going slow, but there's nothing wrong with it if you're both interested. I thought if things were hitting off so well why look? I know I know it's only two dates in and things went well what's the big problem...I guess I'm just a bit paranoid. There goes that clingy thing.
Jules Dash Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 You can obviously approach this either of two obvious ways: 1. Go with the flow and accept the consequences whether good or bed. 2. Proceed with caution while enjoying yourself much as possible. Number 1 tends to be more fun but tends to run a higher risk of disappointment because you can get caught up emotionally rather quick. Just a couple of things to consider: Stacking dates frequently in the beginning tends to run a high risk of cancellations. Once a cancellation occurs, it can be tough to recover from it. It's almost as if the person who cancels are becoming concerned with how fast things are moving and after the cancellation it becomes easier to further distance themselves. So take cancellation precaution. You have to be defensive minded against cancellation. In other words, defend against cancellation. For example, placing dates too close to each other in the beginning without giving the other person enough chance to miss you, anticipate the next date or digest the previous date can be risky. Be mindful of the date who praise how comfortable they feel around you or how much you two have in common early in the dating process. Over the years, I have found these daters to more likely to be on the rebound and tend to be overly or prematurely excited about finally meeting someone that can get their mind off of their exes. In the end, they just have trouble getting over their ex at that time. Watch for frequent praise in the beginning such as "I am so glad I met you!" Don't worry about her still dating others or staying active on the dating site. You should be doing the same thing. Two, 3, 4, 5, 6 dates are nothing. Even if you fly around the world together on the 5th date it is nothing. It's a false bond. People take much longer times to really bond. 1
Assasda Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 -I think seeing her so many times per week is a bit much. You want to give her time to miss you. - if she's a special girl, you'll be seeing her for a while, and she will eventually get to taste your cooking. So you dont have to show off all your talents at once. Think about it. - Again, I think its going way too fast. You might seem desperate, or kinda like you dont have any other friends to spend time with. -As for her getting online again. YOu've known the girl for 2 dates, as much as you think you like her - The fact of the matter is you dont know her, so dont fall in love yet bro 2
Toodaloo Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 -I think seeing her so many times per week is a bit much. You want to give her time to miss you. - if she's a special girl, you'll be seeing her for a while, and she will eventually get to taste your cooking. So you dont have to show off all your talents at once. Think about it. - Again, I think its going way too fast. You might seem desperate, or kinda like you dont have any other friends to spend time with. -As for her getting online again. YOu've known the girl for 2 dates, as much as you think you like her - The fact of the matter is you dont know her, so dont fall in love yet bro I am so glad someone is saying this stuff. Its great that you have met someone you get on so well with but please call your mates and go and do something with them a few times a week as well... This is WAY too fast even by my standards!
Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 That many so close together is a lot. However, if she's accepting them, it's OK I guess. You might wonder, however, why she's accepting. You are worried about appearing clingy . . . that's seems clingy too. But, so be it, see what happens, nothing to lose really. As for still going online, it's still early. You are not exclusive or committed in any way. You should keep looking too.
writergal Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I dunno if you should pursue her so intensely, so quickly, OP. For me personally, it's a huge red flag if a guy comes on too strong too fast, because it's like he's projecting his "ideal woman" on to me. What woman needs that kind of pressure? It's suffocating, and not flattering at all. It's like he doesn't respect my boundaries because he's only interested in what he wants. And it's like he has a kind of codependency (low self esteem or whatever issues he projects on to me), and the boundaries of the relationship aren't clear; especially when there's sex too soon. Those kinds of connection burn out as quickly as they start, each and every time. I can't stand it when guys try to do that to me. So, please for the sake of this woman and single women everywhere, pace yourself and sloooow down! Scheduling dates so close together is too much too soon. Give her some breathing space. Let her miss you. Let the chemistry and mutual attraction simmer and build in between dates, so that when you see each other, it's still there and can be maintained versus just burn out and disappear.
mightycpa Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Let her miss you. And there is the problem that will be created with these rapid-fire dates. Let's call it Saturday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and if you don't keep up the contact, by Tuesday AM, she'll be on the board lamenting about why you haven't texted her in the last 12 hours.... 1
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Be careful how you phrase the 4th date / dinner at your place invitation. Given the rapid pace of your dating schedule, if she has a brain, she will wonder if you are pushing for sex.
writergal Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 I agree with Donnivain. Dinner at your place insinuates sex will follow dessert, or BE dessert. The last time I was in this situation with a guy it lasted about 3 weeks. He came on strong, called/texted every day and by the 3rd week, it's like he fell off the face of the earth b/c he stopped calling/texted period. Eventually he popped up to call and tell me his feelings had changed, b/c his "ideal woman goggles" wore off. Pffft. Well yeah of course, b/c it takes more than 3 weeks to really get to know someone. So if I meet a guy and he comes on strong now, I avoid getting involved with him b/c I know where it will lead to -- disappointment and heartbreak. Give me slow and steady, instead.
preraph Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 First, congrats on a good date! My way of thinking is asking her out for Saturday is too eager. The way I see it is you can't know if being too eager would freak her out or not. You have nothing to lose by waiting a couple or three days and then asking her out again, but you potentially lose some respect or raise a flag by being too eager. As for what you're both doing online, it's way too soon to read anything into that. Way way too soon, and this is what tells me you may indeed be too eager. Being too eager is bad because if the girl is smart she knows this means you're falling for a person you don't even know at all yet, that you're just desperate to fall in love, and that's never good because that means it has little to do with her and more like it's just any old warm body. Right now, all you know is you're attracted. You haven't seen her mad, you don't know if she's dependable or responsible or is $30,000 in debt. So slow down. But enjoy. 2
SomeDude16 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Whatever happens DO NOT say you want to slow things down... 2
writergal Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 But I think he should say he wants to slow things down, because right now he's going at breakneck speed, and as Gaeta (I think it was who) said in another thread about this same topic; fast and furious relationships always crash. They always do. It's inevitable. So, I think the OP needs to put the breaks on, and space out his dates with this woman, if he wants this connection to go somewhere and not scare her away or burn out himself too soon.
mightycpa Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Well, if you do, make sure you say why, and explain that it is not a decrease in interest... or she's going to take it the WRONG WAY. She may take it the wrong way no matter how well you explain it. You may have created a monster, OP.
SomeDude16 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 But I think he should say he wants to slow things down, because right now he's going at breakneck speed, and as Gaeta (I think it was who) said in another thread about this same topic; fast and furious relationships always crash. They always do. It's inevitable. So, I think the OP needs to put the breaks on, and space out his dates with this woman, if he wants this connection to go somewhere and not scare her away or burn out himself too soon. I completely agree, just don't say it. Let your actions show it. Tell her you're busy and schedule a date for a week later. 1
writergal Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Ah ok jab Wasn't sure we were on the same page but turns out we are. Ok, if he doesn't tell her why he's spacing out the dates, at least he should tell her he's got a) b) and c) going on between dates so that she doesn't get offended or think he's blowing her off. 2
Author jchow06 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 Hey All Thanks for all the info!! Much appreciated! SOO I forgot to mention I just recently got out of a 5 year relationship around May and just started dating again in September, so obviously my dating skills are a little rusty. That being said, after hearing all the input I took a bit of a look from the outside and realized WTH am I doing??! That'll literally be 4 dates in 7 days...I clearly was not in the right mindset lol Anyways so date #3 was supposed to be this evening, I actually semi-cancelled, we were supposed to go on an outdoor date tonight and I thought I'd make a little move (not sex just some making out etc.) while we were cuddled up having had that great first kiss down already. Checked the weather forecast and saw thunderstorms in the area for the evening so I texted her letting her know and maybe to reschedule another time. She was cool with it, the only thing is that in my 1000mph thinking process I forgot she had plans with her family (lives at home right now, recent college grad just started grad program) so she said she with all the craziness of the start of school she THINKS she would be free NEXT Friday, her first classes start on Monday and she has been really busy with orientation stuff as well. I said great! so I mentioned maybe a dinner and movie night at my place and she seemed pretty excited about it. I figure maybe this will give us both a chance to cool our jets a bit. I think the over-eagerness was a mutual thing and I was the first to realize how fast things were moving. Also I realized the error in my ways, on the whole online status thing, it's hard not to at least look when someone pings you with a message or a wink so I figured I'm just dating and I should have fun with it unless something progresses here. What do you guys think though, 10 days after the great second date just the right amount of time? Am I reading too much into the "I think" I have time on Friday, I've had girls run the "I'll let you know what my schedule is like" thing and never hear form again, that's why I ask. Thanks for helping a single guy getting back into it after so much time!
SomeDude16 Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 Hey All Thanks for all the info!! Much appreciated! SOO I forgot to mention I just recently got out of a 5 year relationship around May and just started dating again in September, so obviously my dating skills are a little rusty. That being said, after hearing all the input I took a bit of a look from the outside and realized WTH am I doing??! That'll literally be 4 dates in 7 days...I clearly was not in the right mindset lol Anyways so date #3 was supposed to be this evening, I actually semi-cancelled, we were supposed to go on an outdoor date tonight and I thought I'd make a little move (not sex just some making out etc.) while we were cuddled up having had that great first kiss down already. Checked the weather forecast and saw thunderstorms in the area for the evening so I texted her letting her know and maybe to reschedule another time. She was cool with it, the only thing is that in my 1000mph thinking process I forgot she had plans with her family (lives at home right now, recent college grad just started grad program) so she said she with all the craziness of the start of school she THINKS she would be free NEXT Friday, her first classes start on Monday and she has been really busy with orientation stuff as well. I said great! so I mentioned maybe a dinner and movie night at my place and she seemed pretty excited about it. I figure maybe this will give us both a chance to cool our jets a bit. I think the over-eagerness was a mutual thing and I was the first to realize how fast things were moving. Also I realized the error in my ways, on the whole online status thing, it's hard not to at least look when someone pings you with a message or a wink so I figured I'm just dating and I should have fun with it unless something progresses here. What do you guys think though, 10 days after the great second date just the right amount of time? Am I reading too much into the "I think" I have time on Friday, I've had girls run the "I'll let you know what my schedule is like" thing and never hear form again, that's why I ask. Thanks for helping a single guy getting back into it after so much time! You lucked out a little bit but played it right. 10 days is not too long, it takes distance to appreciate what you have. Don't over text her during the wait it will kill your connection. 1
Author jchow06 Posted October 10, 2014 Author Posted October 10, 2014 You lucked out a little bit but played it right. 10 days is not too long, it takes distance to appreciate what you have. Don't over text her during the wait it will kill your connection. Totally understand the over texting thing, it's such a changeup from being in a longterm relationship where the two of you text throughout the day, it was hard for me to not text for two days and play that waiting game after so many years of constant communication. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2014 Posted October 10, 2014 10 days is a little long but if that is how the schedule shakes out & you are communicating it should be fine.
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