How long is too long to get over betrayal? What do you do to feel better?

[what_a_blonde]

Its been almost a year since I made my first post on this forum, and almost 10 months since I completely cut off ties with "him".

 

In a nutshell... He and I were friends, it turned into a fwb situation without him explicitly telling me thats what his intent was. At first he told me how in love he was with me (we had been friends over 2 years, but both weren't available, then when he broke up with his fiance he dropped that bombshell... and its history from there). At first I wasn't going for it because it caught me off guard, then after a few months I fell for it and over the course of 4 months we slept together 5 times.

 

I really fell for him, cared about him, etc., and he slowly started acting weird once he finally got some from me. It was fairly evident he was in it to hit it and quit it.. it just took me a few months to finally realize it and gather the courage to drop him since I thought I could trust him.

 

Anyway, its been a VERY long time. I still think back to the situation and get knots in my stomach feeling so STUPID and down about myself. Feeling so EASY. Why did I let him get in my pants? WHY did I give in when at first I was telling him no... I regret it so bad and just hope that some day I can get over these feelings of stupidity, regret, feeling naive, and low on myself.

 

How did YOU get over being duped? How long is too long for me to get over it?

[travelbug1996]

At first I wasn't going for it because it caught me off guard, then after a few months I fell for it and over the course of 4 months we slept together 5 times.

 

 

You hadn't established a monogamous relationship and kept sleeping with him. He didn't betray you, you probably assumed that you two had more than you had actually had.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Next time make sure you have established a relationship before you sleep together.

[what_a_blonde]

You hadn't established a monogamous relationship and kept sleeping with him. He didn't betray you, you probably assumed that you two had more than you had actually had.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Next time make sure you have established a relationship before you sleep together.

 

I felt he betrayed my trust and took advantage of the fact that we were close friends. He knew I had serious feelings.. and he told me the same (as in commitment). And I didn't have any reason to think he would be lying to me since we had been friends for 2 years prior.

 

But I totally agree its my fault for sleeping with him before getting solid commitment. Lesson learned, won't do that again. I just feel disgusted every time I think back to it.

[evanescentworld]

How long is 'too long'...?

When you have to ask 'how long is too long'...

 

Look at it this way.

The only person inflicting damage on you and feeling it big time, is you.

So let's try a little practical exercise.

Go to your kitchen, and find that cooking utensil you use, to tenderise meat with. It's usually hard, heavy and you have to hit the steak with some force to do the job.

Now put your hand on the kitchen surface, and start bashing it with the meat tenderiser, hard.

No?

why not?

 

You do the same thing to yourself whenever you berate yourself about letting yourself be taken in by him...

 

If you wouldn't inflict physical pain on yourself, it's even less logical to inflict mental pain, which is in fact, a lot more damaging in the long term....

[mightycpa]

You're going to have to forgive yourself for being young and inexperienced. You do bear some responsibility for your situation, but, that said, you know that you didn't betray yourself on purpose. Things just went sour. That happens. You'd be patting yourself on the back if things had gone the other way.

 

And that nonsense about establishing a monogamous relationship first? No doubt you'd have reached the same end with this guy, right? What difference would that have made to him? He was done with you when he was done with you. The need to give you a breakup speech or text or whatever would not have slowed him down a bit, or made him think it was breaking some sacred bond. It would not have mattered a bit, except you'd probably feel even worse.

 

You're going to meet some bad actors in your life. Their deceit is not your fault. They don't come with warning labels. All you can really do is keep your eyes open, and meet their pals before you go too far with them.

 

Good luck.

[lil hoodlum]

You're going to have to forgive yourself for being young and inexperienced. You do bear some responsibility for your situation, but, that said, you know that you didn't betray yourself on purpose. Things just went sour. That happens. You'd be patting yourself on the back if things had gone the other way.

 

And that nonsense about establishing a monogamous relationship first? No doubt you'd have reached the same end with this guy, right? What difference would that have made to him? He was done with you when he was done with you. The need to give you a breakup speech or text or whatever would not have slowed him down a bit, or made him think it was breaking some sacred bond. It would not have mattered a bit, except you'd probably feel even worse.

 

You're going to meet some bad actors in your life. Their deceit is not your fault. They don't come with warning labels. All you can really do is keep your eyes open, and meet their pals before you go too far with them.

 

Good luck.

 

 

The truth!

[crazybestie101]

You're going to have to forgive yourself for being young and inexperienced. You do bear some responsibility for your situation, but, that said, you know that you didn't betray yourself on purpose. Things just went sour. That happens. You'd be patting yourself on the back if things had gone the other way.

 

And that nonsense about establishing a monogamous relationship first? No doubt you'd have reached the same end with this guy, right? What difference would that have made to him? He was done with you when he was done with you. The need to give you a breakup speech or text or whatever would not have slowed him down a bit, or made him think it was breaking some sacred bond. It would not have mattered a bit, except you'd probably feel even worse.

 

You're going to meet some bad actors in your life. Their deceit is not your fault. They don't come with warning labels. All you can really do is keep your eyes open, and meet their pals before you go too far with them.

 

Good luck.

 

Well said!!