EX girlfriend has "moved on" seeing someone else after 3 months

[mattsdv1986]

Hope someone can help me out with some advice.

 

My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 6 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this.

 

After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isnt dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again.

 

We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people of if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter.

 

Since then, she has checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I am doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I give in and talk, she totally reverts and becomes cold and mean. When I say we need to not talk, she gets extremely angry and freaks out about old arguments.

 

It came to a head a 2 months when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and that we had out shot.

 

2 days after this (2.5 months after the breakup), she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new (nothing serious) and freaked out. Said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else. She then said that she felt betrayed that I can move on so quickly and she is taking time to heal and I am now in a "serious relationship" (which is so far from it when I want to be with her). She then texted me 2 days after this if we could have a serious conversation - I agreed, but she came back saying she didn’t need to and there was no point and nothing I could say would make her not feel hurt, but maybe I could email her and she might listen to how I feel. I just left it with maybe it’s not the best time for us to talk, and when things have calmed down we could have a discussion. Since then she has literally blocked me on all forms of communication. About 2 month after she told me she missed me etc) (present), she becomes extremely indifferent, almost professional-like when speaking to me. I find out from a friend she is dating someone else and he is "making her really happy." After trying to meet up with her for a drink, she tells me to "move and and that I need to stop clinging to us and she doesnt want to confuse me." Her friend came into town last week (who I am a good friend with) and said that she has changed - is extremely prissy, stuck up, needs everyone to pay attention to her and that she is not the same person that we both know before she moved. She also said that spending time with her she realized she is extremely selfish - kind of sucks that she has turned int othis person. What really gets to me is that just 4 months ago we were talking about marriage and having kids, and 1 month after telling me she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that she misses me, she is with another dude.

 

My opinion is that she is in a rebound, but could really use some advice. Just crazy how we could go from being so in love - to her basically deleting any memory or feeling for me after 6 years?

Edited October 9, 2014 by mattsdv1986

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Hope someone can help me out with some advice.

 

My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 5 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this.

 

After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isnt dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again.

 

We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people of if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter.

 

Since then, she has checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I am doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I give in and talk, she totally reverts and becomes cold and mean. When I say we need to not talk, she gets extremely angry and freaks out about old arguments.

 

It came to a head a 2 months when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and that we had out shot.

 

2 days after this (2.5 months after the breakup), she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new (nothing serious) and freaked out. Said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else. She then said that she felt betrayed that I can move on so quickly and she is taking time to heal and I am now in a "serious relationship" (which is so far from it when I want to be with her). She then texted me 2 days after this if we could have a serious conversation - I agreed, but she came back saying she didn’t need to and there was no point and nothing I could say would make her not feel hurt, but maybe I could email her and she might listen to how I feel. I just left it with maybe it’s not the best time for us to talk, and when things have calmed down we could have a discussion. Since then she has literally blocked me on all forms of communication. About 2 month after she told me she missed me etc) (present), she becomes extremely indifferent, almost professional-like when speaking to me. I find out from a friend she is dating someone else and he is "making her really happy." After trying to meet up with her for a drink, she tells me to "move and and that I need to stop clinging to us and she doesnt want to confuse me." Just 4 months ago we were talking about marriage and having kids, and 1 month after telling me she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that she misses me, she is with another dude. My opinion is that she is in a rebound, but could really use some advice. Just crazy how we could go from being so in love - to her basically deleting any memory or feeling for me after 6 years?

 

My friend, my friend, I'm very sorry to say,

It sounds as if you're plan B, and she isn't here to stay.

Of course she's jealous when you tell her about dating,

She's wants to eat her cake and to take it too, all without waiting.

 

Could she be upset that you're dating other people?

Is she upset that you two never made it to the steeple?

Is this the price that you are having to pay,

for having an ex-girlfriend around while still getting a lay?

 

I think that she's all broken up over you,

her feelings are a mess and she has no idea what to do.

The comfort of another man is now a problem you face,

If you want her, go get her, and don't give her "her space".

 

If you want the true answer, then tell her up front.

Tell her you're willing to stop seeing other girls and go with your gut.

Tell her exactly what's shes asking to hear,

Then be prepared to be let down when she flees like a deer.

[mattsdv1986]

Thanks for the ryhme - I actually sent her a 5 page email sayign everything - what I wanted, what I did and what I should of done and where I am now - no response - that was a week ago

[travelbug1996]

you're with someone as well, no??

[Natsu21]

Cake-eating: She wants to make sure you're pining for her in case Mr. Desireable drops her like a hot potato.

 

So beat him to the punch, and drop HER like one too.

[Natsu21]

you're with someone as well, no??

 

Sounds bogus.

 

Think he just said that to deflect his ego. I know what he's going through is what me and my ex did. See "cake-eating" for details.

[mightycpa]

Thanks for the ryhme - I actually sent her a 5 page email sayign everything - what I wanted, what I did and what I should of done and where I am now - no response - that was a week ago

 

That was probably not the letter to send if you wanted her back. But, to be fair, she did say that "what part of broken up do you not understand" or words to that effect, meaning, even if you got her back, it wouldn't last.

 

You need to turn your back for a couple of years. If you still feel the same after, then call her up and say hello. Be fully prepared to get rejected.

[7yearsbroken]

Hey man, you both are going through a confusing time. She left you for a reason, you left her for a reason. Unless you really take a hard look at the reasons why you guys are separated, putting your current girlfriend and her boyfriend aside, nothing will change if you both get back together now.

 

This is tricky. You need to really sit her down and think really hard about this- will she ever leave again, will you ever leave again? Why do you want to be with her, why should she be with you? If she rejects you can you stop loving her?

 

My ex slept with someone, we have a very similar story, we kinda agreed to be apart. She went away for college and slept with another guy. The betrayal sticks with me. So I'm forced to go NC, and I need a lot to change about myself before we can ever work if we even have a chance anyways. So I think she hates your guts, as I can't seem to get over her sleeping with someone else.

 

But deep down inside I know if we both changed and communicated better, since it's been some time apart, almost a year and a half, we could make it work.

 

She's in there, because the 6 years will be a part of her. But the miscommunication and the hurt caused on both sides needs some time to heal.

I suggest you focus really hard on yourself, break up with this girl and let her know you are doing this, let her know she's on your mind and you will be working on yourself.. Whatever she wanted. You guys would need to change together, would she leave her current boyfriend for you? Maybe she's changed forever, but either way if you feel that way about your ex you shouldn't be with your current girl anyways it's unfair to her.

 

I haven't had the heart to date another girl, I'm almost there though, but again.. I'm afraid of ruining our chances of being together, but she left with another guy already.. So really I'm just focusing on bettering myself on all the reasons why she left me in the first place. Getting stronger everyday, when I'm at my best I will break no contact and I will be ok with the result, I'll have plenty of choices then.

[mattsdv1986]

I was with someone else - we were dating for like 1.5 months. The whole time we were dating my ex would continually contact me, and would slowly pull me in. Once I laid everything out on the table - basically telling her I wanted to be with her and no one else, she threw me to the side and said its not happening - 2 days later she asked me to talk when I agreed, she pulled away again. I am not dating the other girl anymore. I knew it was unfair to her when I still am holding on the the "idea" of my ex.

[mattsdv1986]

The letter wasnt really to get her back, it was really to say all the things she never really let me say - Im sorry for XYZ, this is what I am doing to fix it whether we are together or not, and this what I learned. Things she has been wanting me to realize for months - crappy that it took a break up to fully grasp what I needed to change and how to actually change it.