Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

[mefisto]

So how do you deal with obsessive memories? Did you ever wanted to erase them all like in the movie? All the memories, even good ones, after a harsh breakup becoming very bad. They are like poison to mind that you can't control. I remember good times that we had together with ex, when i thought i was happy - they should be good even now, right? Not quite. I comparing them to the result of relationship, which was a disaster, and they all just lost any value. Especially the sexual memories. Its driving me goddamn mad. Remember the face expression of your ex and now imagine he/she has the same expression while having sex with someone else. Is there more hurtful imagination? And i don't do this intentionally, these pictures just popping into mind. How to deal with them?

[me85]

That happens to me from time to time. You just have to learn how to redirect your thoughts.

 

We'll neverstand how they can jump from us to someone else...how we feel like we were the ones who really loved them when they never really loved us...

 

All that stuff will drive you mad if you let it. You just have to shrug your shoulders, say oh well and move on. As hard as it is. You have to do it. Or else you'll never be completely happy.

 

In the beginning, I actually used to pray to God for amnesia. I really did. Sincerely prayed to lose my memory. Even if it meant having to learn how to read all over again.

 

I love ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. I own that movie. I wish a procedure like that was real. I'd sign up to have it done in a NY minuet! lol

[mefisto]

>redirect your thoughts.

I try to do so, but they coming back, again and again.

 

>We'll neverstand how they can jump from us to someone else

Yeah. Did your ex cheated on you like mine did?

 

>All that stuff will drive you mad if you let it.

I am afraid i am mad already. Broken and mad person who is extremely vulnerable for mind tricks.

 

 

>In the beginning, I actually used to pray to God for amnesia.

Yeah, i would have prayed, if i believed in HIM. I just cried for hours because there is no such pill to erase memory. Many people told me that i learned my lesson, became more strongest person - i think they just tried to cheer me up. I don't feel as strongest person, i feel like it weakened me hard.

 

>I love ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. I own that movie. I wish a procedure like that was real. I'd sign up to have it done in a NY minuet!

I would do it too. But the main thought of the film - this is wrong. They knew they will breakup, but fell for each other anyway. This is deep and i don't know if i agree with it.

[The Like Fairy]

Yeah, i would have prayed, if i believed in HIM.

 

Somebody made you, you didn't just appear out of thin air. Pray to that entity/power/force. Prayer helps

 

Next step: Make new memories with new love interests. Get going. God helps those who help themselves. True dat!

[Xemyd]

Somebody made you, you didn't just appear out of thin air. Pray to that entity/power/force. Prayer helps

 

Next step: Make new memories with new love interests. Get going. God helps those who help themselves. True dat!

 

 

 

Unless I'm mistaken... I'm pretty sure his mother and father made him. Science.

[me85]

>redirect your thoughts.

I try to do so, but they coming back, again and again.

 

>We'll neverstand how they can jump from us to someone else

Yeah. Did your ex cheated on you like mine did?

 

>All that stuff will drive you mad if you let it.

I am afraid i am mad already. Broken and mad person who is extremely vulnerable for mind tricks.

 

 

>In the beginning, I actually used to pray to God for amnesia.

Yeah, i would have prayed, if i believed in HIM. I just cried for hours because there is no such pill to erase memory. Many people told me that i learned my lesson, became more strongest person - i think they just tried to cheer me up. I don't feel as strongest person, i feel like it weakened me hard.

 

>I love ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. I own that movie. I wish a procedure like that was real. I'd sign up to have it done in a NY minuet!

I would do it too. But the main thought of the film - this is wrong. They knew they will breakup, but fell for each other anyway. This is deep and i don't know if i agree with it.

 

Yes my ex cheated.

 

The movie is deep but it's just a movie. Depending how long you were with your ex, how long you've been BU and how much damage is there, it's likely you will think of them a lot and thoughts of them will keep coming back.

 

It's o k.

 

You feel like the experience has weakened you but try not to think that way. Think of it as you being different now...because that's the truth. It did change you. You are different.

 

Try not to see that as a bad thing. You will learn something from all this and this will most definitely make you a much stronger person. In time you will see it.

[me85]

Unless I'm mistaken... I'm pretty sure his mother and father made him. Science.

 

Aaaand God made science. LOL (Rock paper scissors)

[mefisto]

>Yes my ex cheated.

This is hard pill to swallow. Self-esteem is pretty ruined after this. I can't restore it.

 

>thoughts of them keep coming back.

They bringing the pain every time they coming back. The pain is distraction from the moving on.

 

>this will most definitely make you a much stronger person.

Since you had the same experience, can you say it made you stronger? I don't know how much time i need to feel it. I am so weak right now.

[Itspointless]

For some things in life unfortunately there is no short-cut. Sometimes we have to feel through the things that happen to us. Going through that hell is what detaching feels like.

 

Do not question his feelings and your memories to much. Some cheaters do love their so's but just need the thrill or have to be reassured they still have it as they are very insecure. Some things we do not want to understand.

 

Love is out there.

[mefisto]

> Some cheaters do love their so's but just need the thrill or have to be reassured they still have it as they are very insecure. Some things we do not want to understand.

Im sorry, i don't understand this part. Can you rephrase it? Cheater do love what? Still have what? Some things we do can't be understand by whom?

 

 

>Love is out there.

I don't know how you can still believe in love. Just look at this site and read all the misery that caused by illusion of love.

[Itspointless]

> Some cheaters do love their so's but just need the thrill or have to be reassured they still have it as they are very insecure. Some things we do not want to understand.

Im sorry, i don't understand this part. Can you rephrase it? Cheater do love what? Still have what? Some things we do can't be understand by whom?

 

 

>Love is out there.

I don't know how you can still believe in love. Just look at this site and read all the misery that caused by illusion of love.

Some people cheat even though they love their partners. That does not mean that every partner will cheat on you.

 

You know the 17th century philosopher David Hume? He said:

 

"It is sufficient for our present purpose, if it be allowed, what surely, without the greatest absurdity, cannot be disputed, that there is some benevolence, however small, infused into our bosom; some spark of friendship for human kind; some particle of the dove, kneaded into our frame, along with the elements of the wolf and serpent."

 

I bolded what is important to remember. People have the potential to be good. Love in the end is what drives us all (or we must have a serious mental illness).

[mefisto]

>Some people cheat even though they love their partners.

Thats what makes me believe there is no love at all.

 

>That does not mean that every partner will cheat on you.

It does not, but chances of that are incredibly high in every relationship. I am not sure that joy of the first relationship phase is worth final suffering and misery. What do you think?

 

>I bolded what is important to remember. People have the potential to be good. Love in the end is what drives us all

Well, those are pretty and pretensions words. Even if humans have such potential, its discloses very seldom. My experience doesnt allow me to believe in it. Closest people i ever had betrayed me and dropped me like some thrash. And i thought they were the best. How can i create new relationships after this? I can't trust people anymore and in the same time i can't be alone because i feel abandoned and wasted.

[JDPT]

Allow yourself to feel, and allow these emotions and memories to go through you. In time you will be utterly indifferent to them even if these memories inadvertently flood your brain.

[Itspointless]

It does not, but chances of that are incredibly high in every relationship. I am not sure that joy of the first relationship phase is worth final suffering and misery. What do you think?

 

Well, those are pretty and pretensions words. Even if humans have such potential, its discloses very seldom. My experience doesnt allow me to believe in it.

That is one way to think about this quote of one of the greatest minds in the history of western philosophy: David Hume - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Listen to JDTP. I think you can hide for life, but you better can choose to live. Sometimes our joys come with a price. Enjoy every moment of bliss that is given to you willfully.

[mefisto]

>In time you will be utterly indifferent to them even if these memories inadvertently flood your brain.

How much time do you think i need for that? It has been 4 months already. I don't want to feel this pain for another year. The thought about misery continue this long is unbearable.

 

>Sometimes our joys come with a price. Enjoy every moment of bliss that is given to you willfully.

Price it to high. Whats the moment of bliss you are talking about?

[Itspointless]

>Sometimes our joys come with a price. Enjoy every moment of bliss that is given to you willfully.

Price it to high. Whats the moment of bliss you are talking about?

So I take that this is the first time in your life that you are depressed. Take it from someone who has visited that place somewhat too often. If I have learnt one thing in my life than it is being great-full for moments of joy, company and beauty. Those things are not a given. I observe many people around me who take for normal what isn't. Learning to recognize and appreciate what is good is important, something these things can be very small: like a good cup of coffee. Learn to recognize bliss when it is present, it is important. As for your ex, what she did is horrible, she definitely has some growing up to do. Nevertheless see the moments of joy you had with her for what they were, moments that were good at that time. In the end those will become fond memories.

[me85]

>Yes my ex cheated.

This is hard pill to swallow. Self-esteem is pretty ruined after this. I can't restore it.

 

>thoughts of them keep coming back.

They bringing the pain every time they coming back. The pain is distraction from the moving on.

 

>this will most definitely make you a much stronger person.

Since you had the same experience, can you say it made you stronger? I don't know how much time i need to feel it. I am so weak right now.

 

You feel that way for a while but then you realize, "Wait a minuet...why do I feel like my self esteem is ruined? They're the one who cheated. Not me. They're the ones who are flawed. Not me. I was the good guy in the RS. Not them. My self esteem is in tact."

 

You are good enough. You were good enough for her. She wanted you. She chose you in the beginning. But she also chose to make a terrible decision while she was still with you. She broke the trust in the RS. Not you. You have absolutely no reason what so ever to feel like a sh*tty person for what she did to you.

 

That's what's so hard for us to understand at first. I mean, we just feel worthless after being done that way by someone we love and trusted. It's the worst but it's great that you're having all these feelings about it. It means you care. It means you're a good enough person.

 

Yes, I'm the strongest I've ever felt/been before. Pain is a good thing because it let's you know you're not dead yet. You can either run from it or learn from it. It can make or break you.

 

It's up to you if you want to live a happy life without your ex. I know you do, so focus on doing just that.

 

Best wishes!

J

[sammyy3]

I know that you cannot even imagine it now but you will recover. You will feel happy again and feel like your old self. Time really does heal. I know from experience.

My husband had an affair with a women he worked with for 3 years before I found out. I lost my whole world. I couldn't work. Could hardly take care of my children. Had to go on antidepressants and seek counseling. I even got FMLA so that I would not lose my job.

After my divorce, devastated and lost I decided that I would not let this kill me. I was not going to be bitter and let him win. I started to feel better after about six months and started going out with my friends and having fun.

The point of my story is that I was devastated but I recovered and you will too. I had a 12 year marriage, a divorce, and children which adds to all the pain. My ex lives with the women now and is around my kids. I knew I had finally let go when I realized I didn't care that they were together. Matter of fact, I was happy for them. You will get to this point and will recover.

[mefisto]

Thanks for your answers. I appreciate it since i know that i am pretty hard person to talk with.

 

>So I take that this is the first time in your life that you are depressed.

Not the first time, but its the definitely the hardest one compared to others. I almost hit the bottom of my misery.

 

>see the moments of joy you had with her for what they were, moments that were good at that time. In the end those will become fond memories.

Today i was reading a book and one scene became a serious trigger. I remembered a few romantic episodes of our relationshipm which were full of joy and i started crying right in the public subway, this was embarrassing. Moments were good, i should be glad i had them, but why i feel such intense pain in my chest and tears in my eyes? Maybe because i know that i will never experience something like that again. It is a known fact that first love is the strongest one. Even if one day i will have another relationship it would never be as emotionally fulfilling. I feel like i lost best part of my life that will never come back. Its so soul-crushing comprehension.

 

>why do I feel like my self esteem is ruined?

Because my self-esteem was boosted by these people. I felt good that i had such great friends. And now i have nobody. And i know how meaningless and phony were the past few years.

 

>You have absolutely no reason what so ever to feel like a sh*tty person for what she did to you.

I am honest enough to admit that i did a lot of mistakes which drove her to what she did. If i was strong enough, didn't show my weaknesses, understood her psychology better - this would not happen. Same goes for my ex-friend, if i didnt give him opportunity to steal my gf, it would not happen.

 

>It can make or break you.

It broke me already. How can i repair myself?

 

>You will get to this point and will recover.

Thanks, i hope you are right! How the kids accepted your divorce?

[Itspointless]

No, I don’t think you are hard to talk with, you talk like someone who is full with emotions because he really feels betrayed and alone. It is very understandable that you feel crushed as it is really hard when you are abandoned by people who you trusted and cared about. In no way you deserved that. Remember, no mistake drives anyone to cheating, at worst it would drive them to breaking up with you. This is all her and her character. Second, you did not give your friend the opportunity, no one who calls himself a friend does something like this. It just shows he is an a-hole. It is hard to process now, but it really is a blessing that these people are out of your life, they deserve each-other with such games.

 

 

Don’t worry, you will get back a sense of self with time. At this moment your brain has to detach (chemicals and such) and it has to process the things that happened. Slowly you will feel better. For now embrace your emotions, they are in the end your pass to sanity.

[Itspointless]

Oh I forgot to write that I can assure you that you will feel that massive kind of love again, I did. But, and here is the important part at some point you have to dare to really trust again. Often people jump into relations while they have still many unprocessed emotions, or they shield themselves out of fear.